hell and I didn't even know it until my body started breaking down.What did it contribute from?I understand the cycle of abuse,negligence,how depression contributes to wrong doings , ignorance of parents to know to get help.(When your own mother treats you different from the other siblings ,So much bad was done to me)I do not Rub it in and Give my Mother a Guilt trip. I don't recall ever blaming her for the Hell I have lived.Why would she slip me news paper clipping from Ann Landers(Parents should stop blaming selves for kids)I totally disagree with the clipping It hurts me that it was sent to me,.And I think it was unappropriate to give it to me.My situation was abuse Landers is talking about lack of emotional nourishment.
And it hurts me because I lived Hell and I Do Not give her blame.Why Did She Feel The Need To Send This To Me.I have done nothing wrong.I should get credit for handling it as well as I have.Landers states shes sick of childern blaming their parents get over it.
2007-12-18 03:44:04 · 11 answers · asked by glenda w 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She is a very abusive individual, and obviously she is not going to change. You have to decide to do better for yourself, and if this means leaving her out of your life, then so be it. Keep in mind we can not change people we can not make them do better. However, we can control the way we react or choose to deal with them. I wish you the best. Ann Landers probably had very loving parents and she does not know the pain first hand of having parents who were less than loving. I would not take her opinions as anything but that her opinions. And you know what is said about opinions. Opinions are a like *** holes everyone has one... In this instance I think Ann Landers is a whole entire ***... Some smell worse than others... Everyone has one and some smell like shi*... Much peace and love God bless****
2007-12-18 04:28:42 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be upset and hurt. However, take a deep breath and realize what you already know. It is just more of the same old abusive, stirring crap, trying to upset you stuff that your Mom has always done. She upset you and hurt you, and that is what she wanted. Don't give her this power. Take back your power.
Your Mom can play games all she wants but she knows what she had done and so do you.
Just the fact that she gave this article is an admission (even though she doesn't know it) that she does feel guilty and has a reason to feel guilty. In a small way it is a victory for you.
If your Mom is continuing to be abusive and bring in negative things like this to your life, it may be time to separate yourself from her.
Good Luck!
2007-12-18 12:01:57 · answer #2 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if these things happened it is in past so leave it there if you have not been repeatidly using silent abuse treatments or going over and over this past subject in the present then guess what, that article only applies to people who live in the past or just plain out happily got messed up with hidious peers that make up stories about parents - mothers, fathers, or both to relate or get attention. I also hope you didn't get some of these issues off of therapists suggestions or other situations because that happens all the time. I've had people try and force me to think my father molested me. I'm not saying it is what you are doing or use to do because I don't know your mom and you but keep it in mind third-parties can be nasty for personal reason or money when it comes to people going thru personal trials. There are also some who lie to themselves so bad they forget EVERYTHING good in their childhood. Some keep telling rebellious children they are and never will be responsible for their behavior. There are people out there telling parents they aren't parents anymore just because their son or daughter turned 18 which is false advice to be giving to parents that are struggling with disrespectful sons or daughters who are refusing to adjust to adult life. What do you think of a woman who's son's father set her up to look like him who refused to parent and instead told his sons the mother denied visitation etc... who is told she needs to get over her father who has nothing to do with the with the guys behavior and neither does she? That is nothing but bunch of junk and a waste of family life. It's irresponsible to believe you are not or were never responsible for your actions and irresponsible to tell other people they are responsible for other peoples actions. All Ann Landers is noting is that there is and has been way too much blame-shifting going on that stunts family relationships and technically it stunts personal growth.
"I lived (past tense) Hell" - you can't change what you believed in the past either. You allow yourself to live today and strengthen bonds with family on an adult level and be blessed your parent is willing. You have the right to meet her half way and the responsibility if you've fallen for junk.
Edit: Do not take advice from people who tell you people can't change...people includes you also so snub your nose at that advice.
2007-12-18 12:41:43 · answer #3 · answered by GoodQuestion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She feels guilty! You might not blame her but she sure seems to be blaming herself! Do not let it get to you! Unless you want to have this conversation with her- which I really don't see what good it would do, but, that's totally up to you.
Have you come out on the other end of this yet? Are you living the life you want to live unburdened by what happened to you? if you are, then let this go and don't ever mention to her that you even got the clipping.
2007-12-18 11:58:27 · answer #4 · answered by AGC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because someone can have a child, that doesnt mean they will be good parents. Im sorry you have to go thru that. And, I'm sure your mom wants to place blame elsewhere rather than acknowledge her own mistakes. But, know that abuse, no matter who it comes from is never your fault, and you have the opportunity to break the cycle.
2007-12-18 11:49:04 · answer #5 · answered by rehmakeup 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Apparently you haven't dealt with your life issues otherwise you wouldn't be blaming someone else for making you feel bad.
Your life is your responsibility. Many of us didn't get what we needed from parents who where ill equipped to parent. It would be nice if they would own up to it and apologize for their poor choices(I have to my kids)but I certainly wouldn't live my whole life in "hell" waiting for that to happen. You can't control anyone but yourself. Simply throw it away and go on with your life. You are so angry. Why not seek help to get that off your soul and start enjoying what life really is, which is whatever you want it to be.
2007-12-18 12:04:18 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are weeds in every family just as there are in every garden. Rise above them and grab that sun you have been denied for so long.
In other words leave her to her own private hell, don't even bother responding to something that was meant to be so hurtful. You are better than that, rise above!
2007-12-18 11:52:53 · answer #7 · answered by justceleste 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because sometimes misery is the closest thing to company, and like many, people settle for less. People will live life unhappy because it's easy to, because they don't expand there views, wants, needs, goals, desires, passions, blah, blah, blah....I think, we dig holes instead of patching them up and walking past them.
2007-12-18 12:04:53 · answer #8 · answered by Unbreakable Me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently, your mother does not feel that you no longer blame her. Perhaps she has not worked through her issues and this is just another sign of her poor judgment.
2007-12-18 11:49:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you just ignore it? I would send it back to her with a note. Tell her what you told us. Get it out of your system.
2007-12-18 11:47:43 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋