What Do I Do About My Cousin?

Question

My cousin and I live in different states. We are the same age (in our 20s).
We communicate via email off and on. She writes very brief emails but she talks alot in person. And I write long emails because I glean more in email conversations than I do in person.
Anyway, recently I asked her what's new in her life and she responded back and gave her her brief news and then she asked me if we're (me and my spouse) are gonna have more kids. We have only 1 so far.
I wrote back and said that I lost a baby last year in my pregnancy and I wrote a lengthy email about it and other stuff.
I have yet heard from her about acknowledging my loss. Instead, she sends "forwarded/fwd" chain emails that you fwd to your friends.
I even sent my cousin a Christmas Card but it got sent back to me because she no longer lives at that address ("return to sender" by marked by the post office).
Even her brother doesn't know her new address. Why didn't my cousin inform us? Why didn't she acknowledge my loss?

I feel hurt about this. Cuz I regret telling my cousin some private news about my life and she doesn't even acknowledge it or even say "Sorry about your loss." I know she read my email because it said that it was read.
It doesn't cost anything to email to acknowledge and write your new home mailing address.
It's ironic that my cousin is a nurse and nurses are suppose to be caring and compassionate individuals and she doesn't have any etiquette.

Well if it helps to answer my question. I don't read people's minds. I judge by their behavior. My cousin has always been self centered and materialistic. How do I know she doesn't care about other people's feelings?
For me, if there are any sad/bad news I always acknowledge it and send my condolences.

I always try to help out or give constructive advice to friends/family even if I'm not close to them.

Answer 1

First sorry to hear about your loss. Second... some people are just like that.. my brother is the worst person ever about keeping in contact with family but then when you get him in person he's great. it doesnt' mean she loves you any less she just has a selfish personality and doesn't realize how it reflects upon her.

Answer 2

Maybe because of her moving around, it can be assumed that she is having problems where she was living, and had to abruptly move. If she was living with an abusive boyfriend, or had problems at work ect, she might have just thought the best way to avoid this is to get up and leave. This would also explain why she hasnt been motivated to acknowledge the loss of your baby. Becuase she could potentially dealing with her own problems, she would not need the extra stre3ss, especially when you live in another state. Because of the distance between you, her breif emails can be explained by her lack of wanting to worry or involve you, when you cant physically be there for her, or help her with her problems. Although she realizes you'll always be there to vent, she might not want to give you her stress, and maybe isnt as open as a person about things as you are. I wouldnt stop writing to her. even if she doesnt respond, your emails to her seem to be a good way for you to communicate your feeligns about everything in a conventional manner. Goodluck with everything, and dont give up. Dont bug her about the problems in her life, give her a chance to open up to you, and if she doesnt, and you feel uncomfortable telling her things and not getting a response, keep a nlog or a journal. That way you can communicate your feelings in an effective way,and you dont have to dread the lack of response, or what you probably feel is her inconsideration for your feelings

Answer 3

You know, not everybody is comfortable with baring their soul in an e-mail. Maybe your cousin doesn't feel right in having a heartfelt conversation about your miscarriage via an electronic transmission. Or maybe she is just unable to express herself well in writing. You said yourself that she is not the type of person to write you long e-mails; this could just be because she isn't a very good correspondent. I have gotten into a couple of fights now over e-mails, because people didn't mean things the way they sounded in the e-mail, or because they didn't answer my e-mail, but it is a tricky correspondence medium. Why don't you just call her up? As for the address thing, maybe she's just a scatterbrain. Not everyone is super organized about sending change-of-address info. Or, here's a thought- maybe something really horrible is going on in her life that forced her to move quickly without telling anyone. If that's the case, I'm sure you can forgive her for not focusing more on your loss.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like your cousin spends a lot of time sending emails and she may not have read your entire email. She may have glossed over the email where you described losing the baby (my condolences to you and your wife) but didn't fully digest what you were saying.

Write her back and ask her why she didn't tell you of her new address and why she never acknowledged your loss? We take for granted that people think the way we want them to think and sometimes people just need a little guidance.

Answer 5

Maybe she is a very busy person and just didn't have time to reply. It's faster to send forwards than to sit there and type a lengthy email to people. Maybe that's why she's so brief but lengthy in person.
I'm sure it's really nothing.
But since you are hurt about spilling everything to her and she doesn't reciprocate, you should be cautious in the future about what you tell her and just wait until you see her in person. Or be cautious about what you tell her all together.

Answer 6

All babies of your organic Aunts and Uncles (the two your father and mom' Sisters and Brothers) are your First Cousins, and you're their First Cousin: All babies of your First Cousins are your 2nd Cousins, and you're their 2nd Cousin: All babies of your 2nd Cousins are your third Cousins, which makes you their Thrid Cousin; and so forth, from one era to the subsequent. case in point: Your mom's First Cousin is your 2nd Cousin. Your mom's 2nd Cousin is your third Cousin, and so forth. each and each extensive type (First, 2nd, third, and so forth.) represents one era bumped off (or "down the line.") wish this clarifies the question for you.

Answer 7

First, I am sorry about your loss. That's the natural, normal reaction to hearing about the loss of a child. Second, there's something wrong with your cousin. She is not normal. Normal people acknowledge losses or at least respond to emails like that. Normal people tell their family members where they live.

I know that you're hurt by her lack of response but you must try to remember that she's the one with the issue, not you. I've had family members and even friends who act in a similar fashion and I have learned not to expect any sympathy from them or any sort of support. Try not to get caught up in wondering why - simply acknowledge that she's different or odd and move on.

Answer 8

Sounds like your cousin might have some problems that she didn't disclose to you. I'm sorry to hear about your child. Hopefully you can find out what's going on through friends or family . Until then, try not to take her flippancy too hard. It may be that she never read the email you sent. Good luck!

Answer 9

Maybe she didnt' get the email? That happens.
She could also be uncomfortable with the subject or just doesn't know what to say.
Can't help you when it comes to not telling people you have moved...

Answer 10

Maybe she wasn't comfortable in that situation and didn't know how to respond so she is avoiding you. Send her an email inquiring her actions and explain that you understand if she didn't know how to express her feeling towards the information you gave her.