I have a friend whom has a great realtionship sexually with her husband and she is constantly telling me that as much as they have sex, which is daily, that her husband will sit in the shower every morning and jerk off. She says that his showers take up to 45 minutes because he is in their going to town with himself. Her claim of great sex may be with frequency because she says he never reaches a climax and if he does it is rare. Do you think he just doesn't climax because he knows all too well of how to pleasure himself? She is pretty open-minded when it comes to sex and does just about anything. However she is starting to feel in adequate, not attractive...etc. Would you say that having sex with her 1 to 3 times a day on top of jerking off is too much? Any ideas or comments? Be nice!
2007-12-18 02:06:14 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This is a tough question (emotionally) for me to answer, because my contacts will see it and wonder.
Be that as it may, I can understand the situation.
Yes, OCD CAN play into obsessive masturbation. And yes, it most certainly CAN affect fulfillment in sex.
I know this because I've been diagnosed with OCD (with depression, too), and masturbation can be like taking recreational drugs, or getting constantly drunk. Its a way to escape the world. Honestly, I've been there and I didn't like it.
I beat (pardon my base pun) the urge with help from a psychologist and counseling. Now, I'm finding sex not only fulfilling for my wife, but amazing for me, as well.
Okay, that said, I can in no way tell you that your friend's husband is experiencing the same thing. However, since your friend is starting to feel badly, they should discuss it openly with each other. She needs to tell him how she feels.
If they can work through it, then its all good. If it continues after talking about it (probably over several conversations), then, an appointment with a counselor/psychologist may be in order. But the husband needs to be open and receptive to the idea. If he gets defensive and mad, then that will only worsen the situation.
Its a process. Its not easy. But it has long-lasting benefits/repercussions. Its well worth the journey.
Good luck to them. I'm sure she appreciates a concerned friend.
2007-12-18 02:32:16 · answer #1 · answered by Green is my Favorite Color 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
masturbation is and can not be an OCD. It is a decision just like most things. somthing is clearly wrong here. at first I was going to say that all men are aroused in the morning which accounts for the bathroom time. Men get aroused (except for the morning) visually. Women tactilly. Tell your friend dont take it personally and certainly there is nothing inadequate about her. Does she even know if he's climaxing in the bathroom? maybe he's trying and not succeeding. Maybe that's what taking so long. He needs to see somebody there's something emotional tied up in this. Good luck Merry Christmas.
2007-12-18 02:19:34 · answer #2 · answered by Angel G 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I submit to you that the reason he is able to pleasure her with such frequency and success without climaxing himself is a result of his frequent masturbation. I have been told that one way for a man to desensitize himself and as a result have more hang time with his woman is to masturbate frequently. So, his frequent masturbation could be one of two things. First, it could be an uncontrollable drive that has taken over his thoughts and as a result he is the only one who can bring himself to climax to the detriment of his wife's sex life, or second, he may be doing it out of goodwill toward his wife so she can experience sex without the threat of his premature ejaculation. Either way, it does appear that he is taking it too far. Women like it when men climax inside of them. Denying them that is not the best idea. By the way, it's barely seven in the morning, now thanks to your question I am going to be daydreaming all day.
2007-12-18 02:17:11 · answer #3 · answered by Me again 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If someone has ANY "habit" which interferes with their personal life such as work, marriage, sex life, then it's a "problem." Talking about the subject of masturbation in marriage with open-minded friends you'd find that lots do it but if it is a substitute for partner sex then there's a problem. I wonder why he's "saving" his climaxes for his shower and not with her? That part I find the most confusing. They sure do have frequent sex and you didn't say how long they've been married and/or in a relationship but it does tend to taper off and decrease in frequency with length of marriage and/or the arrival of pregnancy/pregnancies and children.
They need a good talk!
She's lucky to have you to talk to about personal issues. I've always said we ALL need a close friend to be able to talk to about our significant others.
2007-12-18 02:12:00 · answer #4 · answered by Jane S 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It all depends on his age. During teenage years it's not uncommon for men to jerk off 2-3 times a day. Kinda gross but true non the less. If it is affecting your friend maybe she should confront him with it and maybe offer to 'lend a hand' when he goes to the shower. Ultimately there may be an underlying reason as to why he feels he needs to constantly pleasure himself which may need addressing with a proffesional phsyciatrist.
2007-12-18 02:16:02 · answer #5 · answered by Dragon 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is obviously some deep issue with this guy. The more a guy does it, the less likely or the longer it will take for him to climax. He may be addicted to sex, but is afraid to ask her for it more than once a day so he resorts to himself. It sounds like he needs professional help...maybe jacking off is the only way he can keep himself from cheating. My ex bf had to stick it in something every night...but he cheated on me instead of jacking off all the time. I feel for your friend...I think she needs to have a heart to heart with her husband.
2007-12-18 02:12:51 · answer #6 · answered by marigoldkelly95 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If he's ejaculating only once a day, I say that is far from TOO Much! Hell (for want of a better word)! I need to come twice a day and three times on Sunday, my day of rest.
One can only presume that hubby is more relaxed looking after business himself, rather than copulating with a woman - in this case - his wife.
For argument's sake, supposing his spouse is below-average in bed, what happens? Well, in 50-percent of marriages, an unsatisfied spouse looks elsewhere and both end up in divorce court.
At least, that's what they tell me.
2007-12-18 02:17:05 · answer #7 · answered by FRANsuFU 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess u r not in shadow of your friend.
He is jerking off, perhaps on account of the fact that he is also not able to reach climax. Or else he want more, solo, or otherwise.
There is nothing which is more or less as long as it is enjoyable.
So concentrate more on enjoying the activity instead of counting the numbers.
2007-12-18 02:11:44 · answer #8 · answered by Kumar 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know that I like to do it because I can do it better than a woman can. It also feels good. I also make sure I have a healthy prostate by ejaculating at least once a day, twice on holidays. This can be with either a partner or solo.
2007-12-18 05:07:23 · answer #9 · answered by S K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reaching climax for a man isn't really important. In fact it is very annoying because it means that "the fun is over".
He masturbates not to pleasure himself, but to increase his potency. It's a training used by porn actors.
He probably does it because he suffered from premature ejaculation in the past.
2007-12-18 02:18:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋