A little hurt by our neighbours...what do you think?

Question

Last January my mother in law was diagnosed with cancer...the disease took her quickly. She passed on in July. We have had the same neighbours for 5 years. In my panick to get the funeral organized, I asked our next door neighbour to please pass along the necessary funeral info to other neighbours that may want to show their respect. THEY ALL CAME which surprised us b/c some we didn't know as well as others. The only ones that didn't were our next door neighbours. At first...we were hurt and thought "well, maybe they don't know better...maybe they have issues dealing with death...maybe this and maybe that...." but at the very least...would it not have been appropriate to AT LEAST acknowledge it. "Sorry to hear about...." they have avoided us as if WE did something to them! I can't even say hi to them at this point b/c they showed my husband NO respect. What do you think?

Answer 1

Were you friends with these neighbours before your mother passed away. BTW, my condolences on your loss. I know what it that is like.
If you were not really close with them, then I really don't think that it was their responsibility to tell other neighbours about it. If it was put in the paper, that should have been enough. Maybe they are resentful a little bit cuz you asked them to do that.
If you don't get along with your neighbours it can make living there very awkward and unpleasant.
So, if they were friends before, I say to try and get over it.
It is not always easy to know what to say at a time like that. No matter what you say, it seems inane and inappropriate.
Now almost a year has passed so to them, the world has gone on, and to you, it stopped for a bit.
If you want to be friends with them, then just go over and say hi and act like nothing has happened. Maybe when they feel more comfortable, they might say something about it when they see that you are comfortabe to be around.
There is enough s*h*i*t* happening in the world and in their own lives and your own lives. So making a big deal about them not coming to the funeral is really small potatoes. I know it meant something to you, but there are lots of times that I have not gone to a funeral when I knew that I should have. I just did not want to deal with it cuz there has been a lot of death in my life and going to yet another funeral home was the last thing I wanted to do.
Maybe they had something in their lives that you don't know about.
So again, my advice is to just get over it, be friendly and get on with your life and things might get back to where they were before, and if not, then there is nothing you can do and holding on to that negative energy towards them, is only hurting you and your family, not them. You have to let it go.
Remember your motherinlaw in your own way and let everything else go.
good luck

Answer 2

They may not be able to handle funerals and are more than likely embarrassed that they did nothing at all. Be the better person here. Bring over a plate of holiday cookies or something and wish them well. If the subject comes up, discuss it calmly and admit you were a little hurt that you heard nothing from them. Then let it go. Your mother in law would be the first to tell you that life is too short to let things like this continue to bother us.

Answer 3

Give them a break! Not everyone is comfortable attending funerals no matter who's funeral it is.

Answer 4

What in a world that everybody knew except your very close neighbor! ..but...well...don't give a thought about it. Your neighbor must be feeling so sorry on his behavior. Let him carry the guilt in his conscience.

Answer 5

They dont owe you anything, You guys arent friends, you just live next to eachother, Yea they could haave said sorry for your lost but they didnt so you have to move on.

Answer 6

i would kick em to the curb and move on....