So the girl that I'm dating told me she's had sex with 36 other guys...?

Question

First off, let me say that I'm a virgin. It wast last night. She was a bit drunk, and we were talking about it. I asked her how many guys she's been with, and she was really hesitant to answer, but after saying how she "used to be somewhat of a slut," she gave me the number.

It really caught me off guard and saddened me. I liked this girl a lot, but you can't just let information like this go unnoticed.

However, for whatever reason, my biggest concern is getting an STD.

What should I do? I REALLY wish she wouldn't have been that way...

I know I can't control what she's done in the past...we ALL make mistakes. But like I said in my initial post, my concern is that she has a dangerous STD. I know it's a very sore subject for her (she said so last night), so I doubt I'll be able to ask her to go get tested anytime soon...

Plus, what if she does come up with something?

Don't take what I say the wrong way...I'm not saying she's trashy and a hoe. I still like her a lot. And I realize that we are all human and **** up in life.

I am just worried for getting a (potentially fatal) STD. I haven't done any STD homework, so I don't know how common they are.

Answer 1

You shouldn't have asked! Either you like her or you don't. Her past should not matter, other than being concerned about STD's. Ask her to get checked at an STD clinic, wait a month or so, & get checked again before having sex with her.

Answer 2

It is a very valid concern about STDs if she has been with that many guys in the past. It is in the past, however, if that is something that bothers you (understandable given the high number!) then I doubt a relationship would work for you two since that will always be in the back of your head. I would have to think that any guy she bumps into that she knows you would be wondering if she slept with them. It would be nice if she hadn't have been that way since you like her, but you cannot change the past. So you have to ask yourself if you can get over it...if not, then don't pursue anything with her.

Answer 3

Believe it or not Jeff, the more the merrier.
Most women have an itch to have sex with as many men as possible before they commit to a long term relationship. Doing so will allow them to live a monogamous relationship and not be as curious as they once were. They’ve been there done that, they realize that one pecker is as good as another. Don’t focus so much on sex. The way to a woman’s heart is through her brain and how you treat and respect her. She will prefer someone she can talk to and carry on an intellectual conversation as well as someone who is in control while in the bedroom, all this is what turns a woman on.
Watch some videos talk to a sex counselor and by all means wear a rain coat till she’s been tested and you’re sure she’s clean.

Answer 4

Her past is her past and you cannot judge her present person on this. Everyone has regrets. However you could ask her to have an STD test which will clear up any niggling fears. If you dont get this you might always be wondering. Just explain to her that you have never been with anyone else so you know there is no risk of you having anything and you want to keep it that way. Be nice of course and if she agrees go with her for moral support.
Luck x

Answer 5

You have no say over her past.

She didn't know she was going to meet you. She didn't know she had to save herself for you. If she had saved herself for you she might be a totally different person and not the person you are interested in right at present.

You are interested in her (or this wouldn't be an issue). You probably feel betrayed by her past actions.

(I know because I have previously been in the exact same situation with my first love)

Now all of what we say here is probably not going to lessen the pain for you. The only thing that will do this is time.

However, you must learn to get past this. Once you become a non-virgin, that doesn't mean you are used furniture. If you and this girl split and you find the love of your life, is she going to feel betrayed because you haven't saved yourself for her?

She might feel that way if she is being as immature about it as you are right now.

Or she might be grown up about the whole thing (and for your sake I hope she is).

36 isn't so bad, you know.

I've met (not a few) girls in triple figures!

If you're worried about STD's ... use condoms or abstain. Get yourself checked if you have not done either of the above.

You need to clarify your thinking about all of this. Maybe it's too painful to do so right now, so maybe you're better off distracting yourself for the present time. But if you wish to analyse it, she had no way of knowing you two were eventually going to hook up.

What you do with all of that now is up to you. Bear in mind that if you break up with her now because she hasn't saved herself for you, your next partner may feel the same way about it with YOU!

Answer 6

Her past you can not control. But I agree with your concern of STD. The way I see it is, ask her to get tested. Tell her you will get tested also so she will also know that you have nothing. You both will be showing respect and concern for each other. If she does not agree with the testing you will see that either she has something or she does not care enough to be with you.

I am glad to see that you have enough control to be concerned.

Answer 7

Sorry dude! but there's no way I could handle knowing a girl slept with 36 guys, and she knows exactly how many to. But if you are truly in love and "can't live without her", make sure she is clean and free of STDs before you go diving in. But with 36 guys being in there already, it's not going to be a tight fit.

Answer 8

If you really like her the past wont affect your feelings, it may be awkward to know that but on the bright side she's experienced. As for the STD's ask her to get tested and tell her it's not that you don't trust her it's just for your piece of mind if she refuses than she doesn't like you enough to put your mind at ease so dump her.

Answer 9

well, 1st of all, you need to ask her to go get checked out for any type of std's. then if she turns out okay, just take it from there. you really like this girl? give her a chance to make it up to you. tell her she's yours now and don't be going out with no more guys!!

Answer 10

look...she was honest with you...so dont you go judging her!!....she said she USED to be a hoe...doesnt mean she still is...and just because shes been with more than a few ppl DOESNT mean she had an STD...!...but to be safe ask her to get checked...not a biggie!
you guys sound EXACTLY like me and my husband...
When i first started hanging out...i was 20 and so was he...he was a virgin...and i was WAY far from it...!!....he heard things from other ppl, of course, and didnt really want to date me b/c of the things he had heard...and his sister was premiscuous (way more than me even!) and got Herpes when she was 15...so needless to say he was scared of STD's too...so for a long time he would just be my friend we hung out and things but he just wouldnt let me get close...well one Memorial Day weekend we ended up at a cabin at the lake with a bunch of mutual friends...everyone there was getting drunk and trashed...we hung out alot that night and and the whole weekend...in our drunkeness he tried having sex with me and i told him no b/c i didnt want him waking up the next morning regretting it and not wanting to be with me...by this piont i was in love with him...we conversated for hours that night, and feel asleep together, woke up the next day and went home together...after a month he told me he loved me...then another month passed and he asked me to marry him...a year later we were married...
Just b/c your g/f was premiscuous doesnt mean shes trash...or any less of a woman...or should be respected any less or looked at any different!...nor does it mean she will continue this in the future...love her for her, not what shes done, or who shes been with...everyone makes mistakes, it doesnt make them bad ppl it just makes them who and what they are today!!!