Where to spend Christmas. Am I being unreasonable?

Question

Here's my dilema. Since my wife and I got together, we always said we'd alternate who we spent Christmas with although she says we didn't.

Two years ago it was her parents turn so we went to them then last year, my parents went away so we did the day with her parents again.

Now, she won't come to my parents this year, saying that they don't do Christmas "right" even though we're meeting up, doing the present thing, all sitting down for a meal together (turkey of course) then eventually going our separate ways.

The only difference between her family and mine is that mine don't insist on what feels like forced social activities and if, for example a nephew wants to go and play the new computer game he's been bought then he is allowed to and is not made to stay with entire family in the living room.

Basically, I'm going to my parents, she's going to hers. Am I being unreasonable in thinking that she is totally in the wrong about this and should come with me instead?

Answer 1

No she is in the wrong, head off to your parents and have a great christmas day, you shouldn't have to put up with what she wants to do. We're doing the same thing, I put my foot down and I'm having christmas in my own house, not hers as I did it last year, she has the choice to go home or stay with me but im not budging.

Answer 2

I dont think your being unreasonable,
all families celebrate christmas differently and yes it can be hard to spend christmas away from your close family and all the traditions etc that you`re used to.
But as a couple(married or not makes no difference really) then the easiest thing to do is like you said-alternate.
This year i am spending time with my husbands family as for the last few years we`ve been with my family and my parents are going to on their own this year for the first time ever-which makes me feel sad to be honest and even a bit guilty!!but i have to be fair and spend some christmas`s with my husbands family too,I think your wife should spend it with you and your family if you`ve spent the last 2 with hers.

Answer 3

You know what I think about this whole problem? Well firstly, when we were young our parents did all they could to give us a nice christmas and I think now they are older, we should repay the favour. I think kids SHOULD spend christmas with their parents (if they all get on and mutually want to spend the day together) as (a) we no longer live with them (b) you spend every other day of the year with your spouse and (c) your parents wont be around forever and then you would end up regretting not spending time with them. Ok - you have gone to her parents the last 2 years and in return it would be nice for her to go to your parents but at the end of the day, if she is not going to be happy there, then she will probably make a bad atmosphere for everyone. Besides, bet your Mum and Dad will enjoy having you to themselves !

Happy Christmas !

Answer 4

Not at all - I'm from the UK but now live in Canada. I stayed in Canada last xmas to be with my gf and her family and the deal was that we'd go to the UK this xmas. Her family's xmas traditions are quite different to mine, but just because they're not the same as my own family's it doesn't mean they're wrong. This xmas my gf is missing her niece's first xmas, which is quite a big deal, but she realises that it's only fair. Personally I think your partner is being a little selfish - xmas is a time of giving and doing your best to make other people happy - it seems like your wife is doing her best to make herself happy first!

Answer 5

I think she is being very unfair and selfish!
You are not being unreasonable. If you miss seeing your parents then that would be a shame.
I think it's awful to force kids to stay in lounge all day Christmas day!!!! we have both family time and plenty of free time in our home at Christmas. Christmas is for everyone.


next year maybe have christmas at your place and invite everyone?
OR
Go away together some where nice just the two of you next christmas
OR
Go to your parents for lunch and hers for tea?

Answer 6

I feel there should be some give and take in situation like this.

Although it is neither of your faults that your parents went away for last Christmas and therefore the schedule was changed and you both ended up with your wifes parents two years on the trot.

I feel your wife is being a little unreasonable. She has been to her parents for two years running and she should realise that you have parents too.

If we spend Christmas with others we are happy to abide by their 'rules' and if we have people with us, after lunch we all do our own thing.

What difference does it make if one goes to play his computer or goes out for a stroll, or whatever. She should remember that it is their Christmas too and they should be allowed to do what makes them happy.

As long as you are happy to abide by your wifes parents idea of Christmas, she should be willing to abide by your parents idea.

You could look at it in three ways:

1) Theoretically the schedule says it is your turn for your wifes parents, even though you could not go to yours last years as they were away, even though you have been there for the last two years.

2) As you went to your wifes parents for two years running, it is not unreasonable for your wife to be prepared to bend the rules slightly and go to yours. Presumably she did not expect your parents to stay at home just so you could visit them for Christmas last year. Your parents could get the impression that you and your wife do not want to go to them if you don't this coud quite possibly hurt them.

3) You could both agree to go to no one and spend yopur Christmas cuddled up together by the fire after a hearty Christmas lunch.

Whatever you decide between you, may I wish you a very happy Christmas.

John
(Poseidon)

Answer 7

Typical woman. I know what you mean...and I have the same dilemma. I'm going to ask my mom to change her Christmas to the day before this time, and I know she will. But I'm not doing it anymore. As for you, I think your wife is totally in the wrong here. If you went to her parents' 2 years in a row, she at least needs to show the common decency to go with you to yours this time. You should tell her that relationships are give and take, not just take. She needs to learn to compromise and to be an adult...she's not 5 years old anymore, and she's not young enough to be a spoiled little brat.

Answer 8

i think either or spending christmas with either side is still christmas, my moms new step family is very formal and we never celebrate with them we usually go with my dads family that is informal and just have multiple pots of food and side dishes on the table,. we eat together then wash the dishes then sit around and talk late gossip then open presents,

maybe you should try to have them all over for xmas dinner at your place if its big enough, you can start your own tradition bring both families together thats what the holidays are all about anyways

good luck

Answer 9

Your wife needs to learn to sit down and make a compromise with you. My boyfriend's family lives 5 hours away and we worked out a schedule so we both can spend time with each other and our families this Christmas. She is the one who is being unreasonable.

Answer 10

I think that your wife has the right to feel like that - to me, Christmas is a family time and your nephew will have plenty of opportunity to go and play on his new computer game some other time.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but how about, instead of having an argument, you just have another 'Christmas Day', just you and her?

Hope this helps.