Am i too harsh on them?

Question

I have a 14 yr old daughter and she's very close with her 18 yr old cousin recently. They usually stay overnight at granny's place once every 2 weeks. They stayed in different rooms of cause. The 1st incident, i accidentally saw both of them hugging on the bed. But it seems like they were only playing as they had pillow fights. We adults usually would chat downstairs. So we do not know what they were doing. 2nd incident was the maid told me that my daugher fell asleep in her cousins room. Both of them were sleeping together. I asked my daughter if she had any boyfriends lately, she said no. I told her what i saw and scolded her angrily. She started crying and said she love to be with her cousin cause they were happy around each other.

I told her im not gonna separate them or something but just warned her that she's too young to enter a relationship. Furthermore, its her cousin and he's 4 yrs older. I asked her to confess what they have done or im not letting her stay there overnight

Then at night, she told me something that makes me want to disown her. She entered her cousin's room and he was changing. She said he was naked but she did not leave the room. She sat on her bed and he stopped changing and started chatting with her naked. She said he went to hug her. She said she just wanna be hugged by him at that time so she doesnt care much. Then she started to touch her cousin's errected d***. She never felt a guy's before. I dont blame her for being curious. But i was angry that he coudlnt control himself too. She said after awhile he ejaculated white stuffs on her hands and she screamed. He apologised and decided to wear his clothes back. Then my daughter cleaned up but she said she asked her cousin to continue to hug her while she did her homework. I reprimanded her and i immediately phoned him and ask him to take responsibility. He said he know he was wrong as he couldnt control himself. He swear that he would care and protect her.

Should i raise this issue with other adults? or should i treat it that they were still young and ignorant? Both of them has been very remorseful.

Should i raise this issue with other adults? or should i treat it that they were still young and ignorant? Both of them has been very remorseful.

I've have yet to tell my husband about this matter. He gonna kill both of them if he knows what they did. Im lost now.. Sighs. Im angry at the same time. I gave him a stern lecture. He is remorseful and is very sincere in caring for her.

Answer 1

Aware Granny of the situation....

18 year old is too old to be staying at Granny's house.

It's your job as a parent to protect your daughter.\

EDIT: WAKE UP MOM!!!!!!!!!!! get your kid away from this pervert! Don't let your daughter be raped by this loser, which is exactly what is about to happen.......PROTECT YOUR DAUGHTER! Your English makes me think that you aren't a native speaker of it so I'll make myself very clear.....

1. THE BEHAVIOR IS INAPPROPRIATE
2. STOP THE OVERNIGHTS AT GRANNY'S
3. TELL THIS 18 YR OLD TO STAY AWAY FROM YOUR DAUGHTER!

Answer 2

There is a better way to approach this. Your scaring her, and she isn't going to share anything with you under those conditions. When you react with anger, it pushes her away. She is a child, and she's confused. Try to be gentle. Sit with her and let her know that you love her, that you want nothing but what's best for her, and that she needs to be honest about her relationship with her cousin. Your goal is to protect her, not push her further into this.

She isn't "being bad" and therefore it isn't necessary to scold her. She is acting on natural instincts that we are all born with. Try to remember being 14. All the confusion and curiosity...

Approach her with love, help her feel safe and you will get what you need from her in order to move forward. As for him. well.. that is pretty odd. He is 18 and should know enough to not pursue his young cousin in such a way. I think the real "talk" needs to be with him. He is after all, legally an adult.

EDIT: If she screamed at the "white stuff" on her hands she is really REALLY innocent here. This poor kid has no idea what's going on.

Answer 3

When i was in college, we have co-boarders (teen girl and boy). They were first cousins. We didn't mind at all and didn't suspect what's going on with them because it's natural for them to be close to each other. Until one day their parents came. The girl was pregnant and said she's so in love with her boyfriend - her cousin.

Do something before it's too late. Tho they are cousins, you can't tell the temptation they are in. When they are very close to each other, they forget they are first cousins because what prevails is their feelings at that moment. Better discuss this matter to the adults concerned and take necessary action.

Answer 4

i dont want to sound nasty here, but why are you even asking this question on here? doesnt your nateral instincts as a mother tell you what is happening here?? what is happening here is not right and totally disgusting. your job as a mother is to protect your children, and it seems like your daughter is being talked into things that she totally does not understand. STOP these stay overs NOW. i dont blame your husband for blowing his top if he found out. but if you stop this now, i dont like to say this, but maybe you should not mention this to your husband this time. just MAKE SURE that there is not going to be a NEXT TIME!!

Answer 5

until the 2nd paragraph i was thinking they were the same sex. even when you way they were sleeping together. then you say HE is 4yrs older. that means he's 18.

if you can't see where this is heading, or has already got to, get a checkup from the neck up.

Answer 6

Don't let them be together alone. This is not going to turn out well. She will end up pregnant. She cannot stay there over night.