They want wedding gift BACK? Guilt trip?

Question

We married in August, and had been looking at a home in an old friend's neighborhood. We got a nicer, cheaper one elsewhere. The old friend invited himself and fam to our wedding, we tolerated it, not about to make a scene. They waited til all other gifts were open, and then made sure everyone saw them give us a $2,000 check! Hubby asked later if they were sure, since they have five kids and don't make much money. He scoffed and was insulted. We live debt-free, so we spent it paying for the wedding. Well, christmas is here, and he came over wanting it back, playing the "I have kids' card. we said if they need it, we can repay him as we get the money *we work for Microsoft, we have money, but we are paying what we owe for home, wedding, etc* He yelled, and a neighbor came to see what was up, and he said we owe him 2 G's for writing a check in his name. He has ruined our rep in a new neighborhood, and people think we're ID thieves! *young, nice house, etc* what to do?

to 'Facebook..' , I would never, ever, tell children such a thing and ruin thier Christmas, and make them feel guilty. They are obviously suffering fromj complexes anyway because of thier father. I hope no one would ever take that advice, there is no reason to emotionally berate children!

Answer 1

OMG, I would have called to police and had him removed from your property. That's check was a gift. If he doesn't believe him, get the witnesses. It seems like you opened that check at the wedding and had other guests see it. Was the event videotaped.

Simply explain that the this was a gift. You asked if he wanted to give it and he said no. You don't owe him anything, at all. Tell him to buzz off and get a lawyer. The lawyer will tell him that he's wrong.

A gift (no matter what the occassion) can not lawfully be asked for back.

He did what he did. Next time he comes around, threaten to have the police called. It sounds like he's trying to play the, "but you've got money and I don't; so feel bad for me card"

Not your problem.

As for the neighbors, get out and talk to them. Nobody knows the real story. Don't go around ruining his rep, but prove yourself to these people otherwise.

Obviously, if you two are young and successful, people are going to ended up siding with you. Most people have common sense and will figure out you didn't need to talk 2K from him.

Plus, this guys sounds crazy. He probably doesn't have a favorable reputation around the neighborhood either. So, people might sympathize with you.

EDIT: As for the person that said, never take a gift again. Are you crazy?? Most people KNOW gifts are not returnable and give according to what they can afford. DO NOT PAY THIS LOSER BACK!!! You did nothing wrong. You told them "no" and they insisted you take it. So, you did. Once it left their hands, that's it. Don't feel bad for them, it's there mistake. They aren't handling it too well either.

After all, you used the money already. Just b/c you have good jobs and debt free, doesn't not mean removing $2,000 (unplanned) from your saving won't cause you problems.

I guess I'm not the better person. But, if I already spend the money and the gift was given 4/5 months ago (with no complaint before today)......I'd be pissed. Who says you have the money available

He's taking you for a ride, b/c he ASSUMES you have the funds. That's not right. If you were dirt poor, would he have come to your door asking for money?

I'm appauled that someone would come to you 5 months later asking for a gift back. Sometimes we do spend too much money or give too generously. But, once it's done, it's done. It's classless and tacky to ask for something back. It's even more classless to deflame a "friend" and a "new neighbor"

Answer 2

First off, this "old friend" is no such thing. Friends don't behave this way.

I would let dead dogs lie, for now. It sounded like this guy was trying to throw his weight around and got frustrated when you didn't act the way he would have liked. It is very juvenile, tantrum-like behaviour.

If he persists, THEN i would first caution him of your intentions (lawyer up, witnesses, etc) and increase your level of defence with his level of aggression. Chances are though, he knows hes in the wrong so he won't bother persuing this.

As far as the money goes, if you feel it in you to give him some money to help him out, then do so, but not as a "repayment". If you are too hurt from this incident then keep the funds, as there is no legal obligation here.

As for the neighbors, don't worry, things will sort themselves out. Perhaps get together or get to know the people around you better through offering to do activities, etc. You don't have to PROVE anything to anyone. People can see for themselves.

I am sorry such an unfortunate incident happened to you. Good luck :)

Answer 3

Wow what a jerk! If he really is pushing it getting a lawyer isn't a bad idea. After all the check was a gift, and luckily for you he gave it to you in front of numerous witnesses. The next time he brings it up you may want to gently remind him that it was a gift and you have no obligation to repay him and that there are a number of witnesses that can sign an affidavit to that affect so he better drop it before you sue him for slander.

If he was acting like as big of a jerk as it sounds, then I wouldn't worry about what the neighbors think, I am sure they will see through him sooner or later!

It's really shameful that this "friend" is acting this way. Sounds like he is unstable, I would keep my distance if possible. I'm sorry you have been put in this difficult position, I really hope it works out for you!

Answer 4

Ouch....sounds like this guy has mental problems!

I would have accepted the cheque initially too, I would feel awkward about it, but I wouldn't want to offend them either by rejecting their present (and, your husband did ask if they were sure? and they said yes).

There are witnesses from your wedding that can verify that it was a gift.....I would be going him for slander! I would be very upset and hurt, and wanting to clear my name. It's all easy to say ' be the bigger person, give the money back and forget it' - and had it not been for the scene he caused, I would have agreed - but since he had started the lying, and seeking to indicate to the neighbourhood that you are bad people, I think it means war!!

Answer 5

This is a lesson for "big spender" to learn. 1) Get a restraining order and change your phone number. 2) If you decide to have a heart of compassion and give the money back do it on your own terms/time and give it back as a GIFT the same way given for your protection. If you could find $200, $300 or $500 that would not put a dent in your situation for idiots kids sake give it to idiot but make sure you put Christmas Gift in large letters in the memo section to protect you in case "big spender" tries to take you to court saying he lent the money to you and your husband. Once this is finally over loose this person it will only be continued aggravation that you newlyweds do not need.

Answer 6

Wow!!,
You mentioned that at your wedding this old friend waited till all the other gifts were opened just to make sure " Everyone saw" what they gave you,....$2000.00 ck. If you really want to pay them back, go ahead, but you are under NO obligation to do so. I would definitely send them a certified letter stating what you would like to do, and that if they continue with the lies about your family, that you will take him to small claims court and sue for slander. You actually have a right to do this now, even if you don't pay them back! It's a wedding gift......How sad! Remember all those wedding guests who witnessed the event.

Answer 7

Tell him to file a police report on the fraudulent check or at least a complaint to his bank. They will examine the check and it will show that its his handwriting . He should have challanged it as soon as his monthly bank statement came .
You could talk to your bank manager and explain the problem.
He might have some ideas on how to proceed.

If you can get the funds you might consider returning the "gift" , but I would include a letter clearly stating that you received the gift in good faith and are under no obligation to return it. You are returning it as a courtesy to an old friend .

Answer 8

You have enough witnesses from the wedding so prove you did not write a cheque in his name, seek legal advice and get a lawyer to draw up a contract to re-pay them the money in small affordable amounts.

Answer 9

what a bizarre story. give him the money back before today is over, debt free or not, this is money well spent. right now, hear me? write him a lovely note thanking hiim for the original gesture and assuring him that you are still friends.

that such a fuss was made that a neighbor got involved says this guy is best handled with kid gloves. keep your involvement with him cordial but distant. show the neighbor the letter you wrote him and a copy of the check.

why do i say do this without delay??? people like this may have drug problems or literally have a screw loose. they will never tire of telling some insane version of this story for years to come at your expense. consider this money well spent for your own peace of mind. and your reputation. but do it before tomorrow.

Answer 10

Don't succumb to pressure, tell him you will pay him back when the bills are paid, and then get a lawyer and sue him for slander. Tell him that if he continues to badger you, you will tell his kids that what he did, and where the money for their christmas presents came from...
And then go to your lawyer, and make a copy of your suing them for slandering you and send it to everyone one of his neighbors unless he knocks on each door individually and apologizes for lying to them.