Should I pull the plug on my mother?

Question

my mother a few weeks ago was diagnosed with osteoporosis cancer, which is a very late in development and she was given a couple of weeks to live. the doctors told me that she can survive at the most a few weeks if i put her on a machine that pumps her blood for her but it will be very painful for her while she is awake and she wont even be able to move or talk. he also said that i could just pull the plug on her and let her go peacefully even though i would technically be killing her. i don't want to kill my mom and i don't want her to die slowly and painfully but her husband is dead and i have to make the choice soon. what should i do, I know I shouldn’t make my mom die slowly and painfully but I can’t let her go.

my mom died anyway, so it didn't really matter. god, what the heck am i going to do with my life now. i don't care who answered the best, she's dead anyway so you guys can vote on it.

Answer 1

Wow, that's a lot for you to deal with. The decision is yours and yours alone -- unless you have siblings.

Take as long as you can to sort things out and try to come to the decision that you can live with and consider what she would want. Seek the support and counsel of some close friends and relatives.

Answer 2

You poor thing! What a dilema you are in!

First off, I want to say, I don't want to be in your shoes. I really feel for you and I'm sorry you are being forced to make a decision like this. There's never a good time to make these kinds of decisions, and we are never fully prepared to make them.

With that said, Here is my answer: Pray. Even if you are not religious, pray. Just a few words. Ask for God's help. Also, ask your mom. If she has any capability to speak or communicate, you need to discuss this with her. If she is unable to communicate (she's on life support, in a coma) then you have some heavy thinking to do. Does she have a DNR (do no resusitate) order? If so, she's already made the decision for you. If not, you should put yourself in her position. Think about how you would feel if you were going through what she is going through. Would you rather live in pain for a few more weeks just so your loved ones could spend just a little more time with you, or would you rather die a possibly slow, maybe painful or painless, but peaceful death? Me personally, I wouldn't want to be in pain. Also, consult the rest of your family. If you have someone in the family you can discuss this with, it will probably be easier for you to decide.

Here's a little story about one of my coworkers who died this past summer. She was only about 34 years old, has an adorable son and a great husband.

She was driving home from work late at night one night and accidentally hit a semi. She ended up in the hospital for a week, with severe brain swelling, and with everyone on edge not knowing if she would survive (she was breathing without a ventilator, but no brain activity) and be fine, or be a vegetable the rest of her life.

After a few days in the hospital, and after numerous tests, and the swelling in her brain refusing to go down (in fact, the swelling moved down her spinal cord and got worse), her family finally decided to take her off the life support that she was on and off all week. They had planed to donate her organs after her death. She finally died a few days later.

While preparing to harvest her organs for transplant, the doctors found she had cancer. Not just any type of cancer, but the type that you don't know you have until it's too late. This strain of cancer starts in your organs and basically eats away at everything, causing a slow and extremely painful death, with no chance of a cure. The doctors estimated that she would've only had about another 2 years left to her life anyways.

Long story short, even though she died from injuries that were the result of a major accident, it was a quick and painless death, as opposed to a long drawn out, painful death.

I wish you luck with your decision.

Answer 3

First, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Especially during the holiday season. I understand how you feel. I had to make the same decision for my father. Second, you wouldn't be killing your mom. Never think that no matter what you decide.

What you need to ask yourself is this. Is my having my mother around, in constant pain, worth it knowing that I caused that pain. Has she people she wants to see before she dies. Is she able to communicate her wishes? When she is awake do you have meaningful conversations?

I can't make the decision for you, but I can tell you what my decision was.

My father had Alzheimer's. I was Daddy's little girl, too. But I decided not to give my Dad a feeding tube because I knew he didn't want to stay around wearing diapers, being cleaned up by others, not recognizing anyone. My Dad was a proud man always dressed to the nines. He would have been horrified knowing what happened to him later in life.

Thankfully, we found a great nursing home that treated his body with the respect it deserved for carrying such a wonderful man through this life.

I can tell you that no matter what you decide, it will be painful and you will have doubts.

What would you want done if you were in the same situation? Has your mom ever spoken about it before. My mom did so again, thankfully, I didn't need to decide. She wanted to be a full code no matter what. It didn't help when the time came, but at least I felt some comfort knowing that I had done what Mom wanted. My husband and I both have discussed our wishes at length. If there is no hope for recovery, neither of us want to be kept alive. Let life progress naturally.

But if your mother is awake and aware, you need to realize that she may need to say goodbye to someone or give you some final words.

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this very sad and difficult time.

Good journeys and bright blessings to you, your Mom, and your family.

Answer 4

It gets to the point where you have to ask yourself a few things: is it really your mother under all those tubes? Or is your real mom the one that stayed up with you when you were sick and such.
I'm in favor of euthanasia so this is just my opinion. Let me share something. My grandmother has full dementia now. She gained 30 pounds from not being able to move. All she does is eat and stare. No talking or laughter. I can't even think of her as my grandmother anymore. My real one is in my memories, baking cakes and playing tag.
It gets to a point where you have to ask yourself how much suffering do you want to go through. Both you and her. You can keep her around for as long as her disease lets you but what's the point if she's not the same person anymore.

Think of your mom. What would she do in the situation?
What would your last memory of her be? Peacefully drifting off or in pain? I'm not pro death or anything like that, but considering the circumstances....
My condolences either way.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry you are faced with this decision! I too had to make that decision four years ago when my sweet mother was near death. It is sadder to me to put them through the mechanics of living by artificial means than to let them go peacefully. It only prolongs the inevitable. You would not be killing your mom. Hospice explained to me that mom's system was not strong enough to even handle a glass of water and that it would probably cause lots of problems as her kidneys and other body systems were shutting down. My heart goes out to you, it is not an easy decision to make. If it helps you, I made the decision to let her go peacefully. I kissed her and told her I loved her. I know I will see her again someday. God bless!

Answer 6

Whatever you decide, you will not be happy with your decision. You will feel guilty, but, you must accept the fact that it is not your fault. I cannot tell you what to do, but if it was my decision i would not pull the plug. I believe your mom can hear you and think and maybe she needs the time with the Lord. Is she saved? That would be a large factor to me. Talk to your pastor or priest a close friend. Cry a lot
let it out I understand, I have been on this path. Pray and listen to your heart.

Answer 7

You don't say if your mother is aware of what is happening or not. Also, do you have any siblings that you could talk with regarding such an important decision. Has your Mother ever expressed her desire regarding the end of life issues? It is not killing her if you remove mechanical support, it is simply allowing nature to take it's course. The good Lord gave the medical people knowledge to help prolong life but it should be a life with dignity. Compassion is just as important.

As others have suggested, you should seek out the support of your clergy person (if you have one) or other relatives or friends. Unlike some others here, I think that you are not asking for us (yahoo answer) to provide you with the actual answer but rather are trying to use this forum as a sounding board and to ask for advice

No matter what your final decision is it will be difficult to say that final goodbye. My prayers are with you

Answer 8

i know this is a VERY hard decision but for your mom u shoudl pull the plug. dont listen to the doctor its not killing ur mom. would u rather your mom die peacefuly and be able to say goodbye or spend a few weeks of torture, just lieing** in pain not being able to say or do anything and die a slow painful death!? just think i know it is the matter o a ew weeks but think about your mom more than yourself! the women will be in pain not able to do anything, sitting there for you to see her!!! she is probly in enough pain already, a person isnt a painting. instead of making her suffer let her die naturally instead of being an artificial** human being. just make her last moments worth living for.
just for explamlary* purposes..
you have a choice o dieing painlesly with your family now or live just a few WEEKS not months WEEKS were talking a handful of days, in pain and torture and die a painful death that your amily may not be there to hold your hand in your inal hour but instead a nurse, looking down at you, u no just waiting or you to die so she can clean up the room, sure she'll cry but its her job, and her job is over.
a life is SUPPOSED to be heaven on earth so why would you want your last momments to be HELL?

Answer 9

I'm so sorry to hear about this. It is such a difficult and painful decision and I hope there is someone there with you that you can talk to and to help you make this decision so you don't have to decide on your own. It is so hard to think about letting your mother go. Please listen to what the doctors are saying and follow their guidance. Talk to your mother and tell her how much you love her and that you're making the best decision for her. Please have a friend or family member go to talk to the doctor with you as I'm sure it is such a difficult time for you and you may not be able to absorb everything the doctors are telling you. I wish you the best. Please take your time and after listening to the doctors, spend some time with your mom and then make the decision that you feel is best for you. You mom would understand and will always be with you..

Answer 10

Well, technically speaking, by letting her go, you aren't killing her. The cancer is. Don't think of it as killing her.

She is suffering by being kept alive. She really isn't living. The machines are doing the work for her, but if she is suffering when she's awake and constantly asleep, then is she really alive.

This is a tough question to answer, and you just have to make the determination for yourself. You have to do what you feel is right.