What are some HUMOROUS rebuttals to common vegetarian taunts?

Question

Anyone who has been a vegetarian or vegan for longer than a minute has indeed encountered the following:

1) So, what DO you eat?

2) But, don't plants have feelings too?

3) Real men eat meat.

4) But how do you get enough protein?

...and a classic:

5) If God did not want us to eat animals why did he make meat so TASTY ???

Focus on one or take a shot at all of them. Also, feel free to add your own uninformed statement if I forgot any. Responding to these statements in a serious manner is easy-as-pie, but being able to discuss a serious subject with humor is a real gift. 10 points to the response that makes me (or the voters if it goes to voting) laugh the hardest. Thanks!

Dirty answers are welcomed too, just be careful how it's phrased!

Answer 1

1) So, what DO you eat? "Everything you eat, minus the carcass"

2) But, don't plants have feelings too? "You're and idiot".

3) Real men eat meat. "I got some meat for ya"

4) But how do you get enough protein? "My diet is full of protein... The only difference is I get my protein from something that never took a sh*t."

...and a classic:

5) If God did not want us to eat animals why did he make meat so TASTY ??? "God did not make them tasty. Man did with their butters, oils and sauce. I choose to follow the commandment "Thou shall not Kill".

Answer 2

1) So, what DO you eat?

Everything you eat, except meat and for rare exceptions, cheese and eggs.

2) But, don't plants have feelings too?

You'd make a great Scientologist.

3) Real men eat meat.

Real men also don't have size D boobs. Enjoy your burger, b***

4) But how do you get enough protein?

I'm a smart, creative and adventurous enough eater that I don't have to depend on meat for protein. Enjoy your steak, Einstein.

5) If God did not want us to eat animals why did he make meat so TASTY ???

If God wanted us to eat animals, why do meat eaters have so many heart attacks?

Or, if god wanted us to think so much, why the heck did you use a logical fallacy to back up your idea?

Answer 3

) So, what DO you eat?

" Oh, I just lick that frost that grows on the inside of freezers. I eat lichens and moss. I mean, what is there other than meat?" (Say this with intense sarcasm)

OR

" Actually, I still breast feed." (Ha ha, this is absolutely freaking hilarious but I don't think you'd have a social life if you said this more than twice)

2) But, don't plants have feelings too?

" Yeah, you know, that's what L. Ron Hubbard used to think and propagate. You know, that gift to humanity that started a religion based on science-fiction? Yeah, you just gotta believe everything you hear."

(No lie, that's the earliest that I could trace people doing research on the feelings of plants, he was kind of weird about it too, hooking gadgets to plants...)

3) Real men eat meat.

"Yeah, I overheard that at the Gay Pride Parade, they sure eat a lot of meat there. Real manly men, huh?"

( I love gay people and this is just a way to get those machomen off your back, I mean no offense to actually gay people!)

OR

" Yeah, I can see it really made YOU a real man". (glance over him) " Looks like you're even built to be TWO men, must be all that meat, huh?"

4) But how do you get enough protein?

" You know, I don't, I'm on the UnAtkins diet, nothing but carbs" (this is just to make people bug off, it's absolutely lacking any factual information)

" I absorb protein from people when I stand near them. I'm like a protein vampire. You know, you're starting to get pale, you should back away slowly..." (Mwa ha ha!)

(Or just the plain old...)

" There's protein in everything. Beans, whole grains, nuts, vegetables, tofu, soy milk, tempeh."

5) If God did not want us to eat animals why did he make meat so TASTY ???

" Yeah, why did he make all meat tasty?" (Put your finger in your mouth and kind of suck on it like people suck on chicken bones) " Mmmm... I taste delicious."

OR

" Well, you know, convicted, imprisoned cannibals say that human meat is probably the finest, most delectable out there. I guess we should all start eating one another then, using that logic... hey, are you busy around dinner-time tonight?"

OR

" Yeah well I just eat all the other tasty stuff since people like you are stuck in the box eating 'them tasty meaties'. You know, all the great fruits, vegetables, grains, beans, nuts, soy products, etc. etc."

Answer 4

1) So, what DO you eat?

Grass clippings. In the fall I like to mix it up a bit with fallen leaves!

2) But, don't plants have feelings too?

Yes, but I hate plants. That's why I eat them alive.

3) Real men eat meat.

Yeah, that Jeffrey Dahmer was a bit TOO real.

4) But how do you get enough protein?

I recycle my protein by eating my own hair and nails.

...and a classic:

5) If God did not want us to eat animals why did he make meat so TASTY ???

God is tempting us with sin, like with the tree of knowledge in the Garden of Eden !!!

Answer 5

1) So, what DO you eat?
Food.

2) But, don't plants have feelings too?
My grass doesn't say "ouch" when I mow it.

3) Real men eat meat.
That's okay, I'm not into guys.

4) But how do you get enough protein?
Food.

5) If God did not want us to eat animals why did he make meat so TASTY ???
Go eat some road kill then.

Answer 6

"5) If God did not want us to eat animals why did he make meat so TASTY ???"

ANS: Eat it raw . Then tell me if its still tasty.

The one I hear most is

" Dont Vegetarians ( and Vegans) get really ill unless they take lots of pills? "

but its an easy answer , "no"

I have a theory that the meat industry is meddling in the education system in america, because the askers always tell me they were taught it in school.

Answer 7

1.) Well, I find food to be quit tasty...

2.) Hmm....good question.....wanna ask them yourself, or should I...?

3.) Real men are also strong and athletic...whats your excuse?

4.) Y'know, meat isn't the only thing with protein...it's called tofu.

5.) Your own opinion. People in other countries say dog is "TASTY", but do you agree with them? Yeah, didn't think so.

Answer 8

1- Uh, food. what doy YOU eat? dead corpses or do you prefer granny (Insert last name here)
2- Yeah, and so does this table, and this seat, and my bottled water, and, and, and....(i can just go on for days)
3- real ment also punch eachother in the face, do you want to be punche dbecause I'd be happy to oblige.
4- i have as much protien in me as you have other animals' blood in you.
5- yeah, dog also made ****, but you don't see me eating ****

Answer 9

1. prots fats and carbs
2. yes no maybe wait what was the question
3. ok and you have a right to feel that way.

(see people can have their own thoughts and feelings, you dont have to insult everyone at the drop of a hat)

4. yes and thanks for asking
5. this is an interesting question i'll ask him in my prayers

Answer 10

God also presumed we might progress from cavemen which is why we don't sniff each others backsides in the streets before offering to wee on their legs...