Herpes Question?

Question

7 years ago I was raped and my assailant gave me herpes. For 7 years I refused to have any boyfriends or sexual contact for fear of spreading it. I haven't had an outbreak in 5 years and a fews months ago I met someone. I don't know how to tell him I have it or if I should tell him how I got it. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

What type of genital herpes did/do you have? HSV-1 or HSV-2? If you don't know, I would ask your doctor as that has a huge effect on the possibility of you transmitting the virus. (HSV-1 genital infections are very common and tend to have few outbreaks, and are hard to transmit to someone else.

If you haven't had a full checkup in a while, I would suggest going in for another. And ask the doc about what s/he thinks about transmission of genital herpes after 5 years of no outbreaks and ask for type specific HSV serology as it may narrow down the infection

And how you got herpes is NONE of your partner's business. I would say that it is important to be open and honest about the herpes infection, but the exact circumstances are not needed, unless you want to share and feel safe sharing.

There is no right or wrong way to talk to your sexual partner about genital herpes, but the following may help:
- choose a quiet time and place to introduce the topic
-remain calm when presenting the facts -- it might help to consider this an opportunity to educate your partner about the not-so-terrible realities of genital herpes and correct any false beliefs they may have
-Remember to have some educational material on hand to give out after you have spoken...or during if you get flustered

Use a Positive Approach
-If your partner believes that you are in control of your herpes (or have had few outbreaks in many years), they are more likely to respond supportively, but consider your partners feelings
-prepare in advance
-some ideas for opening lines:
1. Highlight the strengthe of your relationship by saying, " I really enjoy being with you and I feel I can trust you with something very personal. I'd like to be initimate with you, but first you need to know I have genital herpes

or

"When two people get along as well as we do, I think we owe it too each other to be totally honest. I think it's important that we talk about sex. Can we talk now?"

-emphasize that you are concerned about STIs and how people can spread herpes without knowing they have it. You don't want to pass it on to your partner , nor do you want to get another STI. You might say," Safer sex is really important to me. I've had unprotected sex in the past and it gave me genital herpes [or you can talk about your rape if you feel comfortable] I am willing to take every necessary precaution to help prevent the same thing from happening to you.

-make sure YOU and your partner are aware of the realities of Herpes...there are a lot of myths out there

-congratulate yourself, whatever the outcome, for being open and honest.

Once you know the type of genital herpes infections (1 or 2), this site offers FACTS and comparisons that can be helpful in understanding the nature of the infection:
http://www.herpes.com/hsv1-2.html

Answer 2

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Answer 3

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Answer 4

My best friend has had genital herpes for about eight months now, and it's been really rough. She's had about 7 outbreaks. Everywhere I read it says it stops flaring up so much after time, but its not getting less frequent for her. She's been on Antiviral meds the whole time, too. She also has type 1 diabetes which she has had her whole life, which really weakens her immune system. Will it ever get better?

But after a friend share this video everything has changed.
Natural Safe Herpes Remedy?

Answer 5

i agree with the others who answered your question, you have to tell him. you have the moral obligation to do so, and in some states you also have the legal obligation. i know how hard it can be to tell someone because i have been through it. the best way that i have found to do so is to bring up the topic of herpes in casual conversation and gage his reaction to the subject. if he seems like he is grossed out or freaked out about it, you should take your time and point out the fact that 46% of adults in the US have one form or another and that there are ways to minimize the risks of spreading it (condoms and medications). then you can decide by his attitude if it's the right time to tell him. you would actually be surprised how many guys are ignorant to the facts about our disease. if all else fails, just tell him that you really like him and that you want to be honest and up front with him. i know it sounds like a cliche, but if he really cares about you, then he will be willing to take steps toward dealing with it and accepting it. if not then i guess you will have to bear the consequences that come with HSV. unfortunately, in your case, you are not at fault for having contracted herpes, but at the same time you can not have sex with someone without telling them. i have had the heartbreaking experience of having a guy i really liked break up with me because of my 'condition', but i moved on and found that there are guys out there who, with protection and education, are willing to give a person like us a normal and fulfilling sex life. i hope this helped, sorry i droned on so long, if you have any other questions you can email me (my email is in my profile)..... good luck and keep your head up!

Answer 6

I think that you should sit him down and talk to him about you having herpes and i how you contracted it. My ex boyfriend gave it to me and i still can't find myself to date other people. But the only thing that you can do is to be honest and see what the outcome is good luck

Answer 7

before you have sexual contact with him, you really should tell him. if you feel comfortable talking to him about how you got, that will probably help him understand your situation and make him more willing to work with you on this. i had to share a similar thing with my current bf, and it was really hard, but we were better off for it. i talked to him as soon as i thought i could. i just told him that we needed to talk, i told him everything i know, i stuck to the facts, and we worked it out. he appreciated my honesty and was very supportive through the whole thing. if this guy is a real man ready for a real relationship, he'll come around. good luck!

Answer 8

You really should tell him before you do the "do". B/c just think how you felt when you found out that you had it. You dont want to put that feeling on anyone else.Give him the choice to make the decision. From my understanding you only can give it away if you are having an outbreak., Still be careful! PLEASE!

Answer 9

It's a matter of being honest with someone you care about. Just sit down with him, tell him the truth.

Answer 10

Tell him upfront. If he freaks out, then he's no good anyway. And I think you should tell him how you got it. He'll think you're brave for telling him. :-)
I'm sorry that someone hurt you like that by the way.