Should I put myself first?...?

Question

Lately I've been trying to make a real effort to be happy and to not let the terrible people/things from my past hurt me and make me sad.

However I have a few friends who are going through a rough patch. They weren't really there to support me when I needed it, but I want to do the right thing and be there for them and to listen when they're in need.

This is really pulling me down though. I want to be there for them, but it's making me really sad and reminding me of the things that I don't need to be reminded of.

I know I should put myself first in this situation. I'm really confused.. Do I just say 'see ya later!' or do I help them and put myself last?

Please help..

Answer 1

If you don't take proper care of yourself, you won't be able to help anyone else for long. I've let myself get drained dry worrying about other people until my own life fell apart. It's NOT a good thing.

It's not selfish, remember that. Life is a marathon, and you have to think of it that way. You're a great person, and you'll help a lot of people as you go through life. But you don't have to help EVERYONE this week.

Answer 2

I've been here, done that. In my sophomore year I had worked as a sort of prayer counselor when I was asked to by my youth minister. The next year she asked me again, but I felt wrong. Struggling with drug problems, I really didn't feel fit to give people advice when I was hurting myself. I told her that I needed to sort some things out on my own, and it wasn't the best year for me. She completely understood.

So here's my thought - you can help them, but if you haven't completely gotten over your problems, you may end up dragging your problems in. You won't intend to, but if that is your state, then that's what's going to happen. You also will be under way too much pressure, trying to help yourself and others at the same time. You will end up making your present condition all the worse, and creating more problems for yourself. You need to work on yourself first - it's not being selfish, its protecting yourself and others. You can't really commit to helping someone when you yourself are bogged down as it is.

Answer 3

As someone who has put myself last for many years, believe me when I say that you HAVE to put yourself first. I almost went into a manic state (I'm bipolar 2, so I only get hypomanic) because for a while there, I was putting everyone else first and people were starting to take advantage of me.

Let your friends know what's going on. You are going to have to set limits. Be there for them, but the moment it starts to drag you down, get out of that situation and step back for a while. Even if it takes a month. Step back.

Like the other posters have said, you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.

Answer 4

It is not selfish to think of you first.You have to love yourself enough to know you are important and are worth the effort.Who has a bigger stake in your life but you? I am not trying to lay guilt on you but you need to ask yourself how would you feel if you walk away.You must answer this question honestly, not to us but to yourself.Afterall it is your choice,your life. Wabby you know how you felt when you thought your friends abandoned you when you needed them most.Do you think you want to be the type of person they were?Your friends were younger then and so were you.Perhaps your friends just didn't know what to say or do to help you.I think you know what you must do do.You are a mature young lady who has dealt with a lot in such a short time.Maybe helping your friends will help you to find some closure with the past.I have a saying " a friend will run to you when others will run away".I also say "to be the kind of person you expect others to be".Take care.

Answer 5

Hello, I suffered from severe postpartum depression with my second child. I had no one who sympathized with what I went through. Once I started getting better, people would call and want to talk to me about their depression and I wasn't ready to deal with other people's problems. It was dragging me down also. What I learned the hard way, is take care of yourself first. For the people that love you, take care of yourself and when your better then use your experiance to help others. You cannot sacrifice your health for anyone else. Your future depend on you being well. I am not saying to dump your friends, just tell them that you are dealing with things to and that you can tell them what has helped you but that is it. You are still being a friend, but it is also not draining you emotionally.

Answer 6

Not only should you put yourself first, but you HAVE to. If you don't, then nobody will get through any rough patch at all. You're doing the right thing by wanting to be the bigger person here, but look after number one first of all. Then worry about anybody else. Take care.

I saw your profile - lovely puppy!

Answer 7

If you continue to allow yourself to be dragged down each time then you need to move on.
Spend quality times with the ones who make you happy.
It will soon be February, and you will be making a fresh start, so just hang in there.
Enjoy the beauty of a warm sunny day. We had one yesterday, and might get a few more before Christmas.

Answer 8

Dear Sarah,

Please, don't ever put yourself last. Others can be helped, without allowing them to drag you down. If it appears, you can't provide assistance, in a given situation, without it dragging you down. You must steer clear. You simply, may not be equipped to deal with the particular problem, at this point in your life. You wouldn't attempt to rescue a drowning person, by jumping in the water with them, if you couldn't swim.

Also, there are those who really don't want help. They just want to drag others into their drama, enabling their repetitive conduct. If you engage in enabling, you will be exploited, won't be helping anyone, and will be harming yourself.

Larry

Answer 9

i dont know what you went threw and how they bailed on you but, the best way to get all that out of your head is to just put it out there you dont have to yell and cause a fight.you can simply tell your friend,"i understand what your going threw ive been there but unlike you i had no one to lean on and i wont let that happen to you just remember if you need me now cause its hard, dont you think i would have needed you when i was in a the same situation""And there you go damn memorize it whatever helps o one should go threw anything alone.unless they want too.And even at that most people dont want to.

Answer 10

Think about it this way. How much support can you really offer them if you're not taking care of yourself first? It may feel selfish, but ultimately it's better to be healthy and do what you can to help than to drift down with your friends.