Why don't military wives want to make real friends??????

Question

I am an Airforce wife and lived at 5 different posts. Each time I find it really really hard to make new friends. Other wives are only interested in what rank my husband is, if he's lower or higher than theirs then they don't want to know you and if you are the same rank they only want info from you so there own hubby can beat yours at promotion. Others are only interested in you while your at the same base, once one of you moves you never hear from them again. Then there are the ones who are only interested in having you baby sit their kids while they go out drinking. I've joined a group of women who get together for morning teas but the whole morning tea revolves around military talk and ends up being very competetive as to whose hubby is more important or whose hubby has been deployed the most times and to where. How do you make genuine friends with other wives. I'm not looking for a new bestest friend ever kind of thing, just normal women who want to make genuine friendships.

Answer 1

we're on our 4th army base and i've run into the women you are talking about..but honestly you're going to find those women anywhere..even in civilian life. there are those women that think that they're important because of their husband's rank and what they can get with that rank..just ignore them..

i would highly recommend you get out and volunteer or even find a part time job...good friends are hard to find no matter where you're at and you'll find the good friends after weeding out the snotty ones...good luck!

Answer 2

I'm a marine wife. It's some times very hard to make fiends with the women in my husbands unit. I tend to be able to make better friends with the people in the same housing area as me. They are the ones you see every day. I do have some friends in the unit though. If you really want to get to know them then you need to get involved. If your enlisted then start doing things with the enlisted wives club(officers wives have the same thing). Don't worry about the one friend there is always some one like that. Just move on. You will be surprised....you will make some really good friends that you will stay in touch with forever. You will end up with friends all over the world! The key is "GET INVOLVED". Don't just stay in your house all the time. You have to throw yourself out there when your a military spouse.

Answer 3

We are at our third duty post and I have run into the exact same things. I learned the hard way that a lot of women are only friends for that duty station. Others run around on their husbands while they are gone. And the rest only care about rank, experience, yada yada... I ended up moving away from military wives. I keep my horse off post and I have made some great friends there. Come to find out, most are military wives, doctors wives, lawyers wives; and you would never know. I am treated like an equal and we are more interested in horses than we are with the military. So, I suggest find something you are very passionate about and take a step and venture away from the military post. You will always find military wives, but you will notice it is extremely different. Good luck!

Answer 4

wow. who've you been associating with? I'm also an airforce wife, currently at our third base, and though it's difficult to constantly move, and i also have a hard time making friends, the ones i've made have lasted through the years. However, what i've noticed, is that the friends i've made, i didn't make through attending meetings and associations. They're just too broad. For example, i was invitied to the Enlisted Spouse Club--boring! and all they talked about was their hubby and military life. And i had nothing in common with those women. I'd recommend finding an interest or hobby and pursue it. Chances are, while you're doing so, you'll meet someone with those same interests.

Answer 5

You just have to find the right women, and sometimes it's hard. My best friends are women that are all very secure in who they are, and whose husbands just happen to be military. That's not the be all end all of our conversations. I do know that it's easier when you have children, because then you have the mommy thing going. That's actually how I met my best friend... our girls are about the same age, we hit it off, our girls hit it off, and even our hubbies hit it off. (Trust me, I know we are blessed!!) I've also made some great friends through our squadron spouses group (more of a family atmosphere than a base group, we're all in the same boat!) And, doing volunteer work, I've also made some great friends.
Of course, like you said, some of those friendships ended when one of us moved. And that's just the way of life. But, after 19 years of doing this, I have about 5 women who are dear to me and we have remained friends as we moved from base to base and some even to retirement.
I do know that usually about a year out from moving I start to shut down and not let new people into my life. And many of us are that way. Why start a friendship when one of us is going to be moving shortly.
It's hard, but one day you'll fall in with the right group of ladies and something will click with 2 or 3 of you.
In the meantime, don't quit trying, but don't try to hard. Just let it happen! There are others out there looking for friends too!

Answer 6

Over the years I have met a few wives who did care what rank/rate my dh was and only were there while on a certain base or babysitting. But I have actually made more friends who are none of the above. They are military wives as well, 3 of them I have known for over 8 years and we have not lived in tehs ame state for 4 of them. Each birthday and Christmas we exchange gifts with each other, we talk online and on the phone and we are there for each other no matter what. Then there are others that I have known for less time but we still talk to each other, even tough we are thousands of miles apart. I even have several friends that I have never met face to face but only talk to online and we have known each other for over 5 or 6 years. So there is spouses out there that do it and are there for you when you need it. The only way you are going to find them is if you keep trying. There are going to be hit and misses but some will work out. Just take it one day at a time.

Answer 7

Honey, I've been a military wife for over 13 years now. That's just the way it is, unfortunately. Higher enlisted aren't supposed to fraternize with lower enlisted. It's very difficult to maintain a professional relationship and a personal friendship at the same time. I got fed up with all the competition about who's spouse is better, etc. The gossip and jealousy drove me insane. It frustrated me beyond measure. Moving all the time doesn't help either. Most of the time we tend to lose touch over time. Life seems to keep leading us down different paths, frequently. I have one friend who I still keep in contact with, even though she's at a different base now. It really is difficult to make permanent friends when you're in the military. Just don't become part of the BS. Enjoy the friendships that you do have, no matter how temporary. There is no real solution to this. It's part of being in the military.

Answer 8

I'm sorry to hear this for you! We are at our 9th installation and I literally have friends all around the world who I still talk to. A few of those are ones I can call anytime and know that even though we are miles apart they are still there for me!
There are of course those wives out there but I never had to assosciate with them for long - count them as aquaintances not friends. I don't make my friendships based on rank either - I have friends/aquaintances at both ends of the spectrum.
Many of my dearest friends were made through PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) you don't have to be protestant to attend and there may well be a group on your base. Check with the Chapel. These are women who meet to study the Bible, worship and get to know each other - rank has no place. They've literally been a lifeline to me at times! (and I still see them from time to time at the next post or conferences!)
Also met women at FRG groups, etc. You just have to keep putting yourself out there - also could it be that God is putting you with these women on purpose? Sounds like they need someone to shake things up a bit - be real with! I know that's hard - been there done that - but it's a possibility!
Keep your chin up and keep looking they're there! Most military wives are just as desperate as you for real friendships they just don't know how or are afraid of the pain when you leave.

Answer 9

Five posts! I feel bad for you....I've been stationed at an Army post and it was not so great...I can't imagine five! I don't know where you are meeting these "ladies" but you need to expand your social circle....If you have an interest in dogs per se, volunteer with the Humane, If you like to run, joing a runner's group....Meetup.com can help if you don't know anyone where you are. Pursue your interests and you will find like-minded people. Some friendships will follow you to your next base and some just won't. Part of life, I'm afraid...I met my best friend at my first base and 17 years later, we are still joined at the hip(just 2000 miles apart)...another "best friend" and I fizzled out six months after I pcs'd and I "knew" we'd be BFFs. Don't give up...I guarantee there's other spouses out there, thinking "where are all the cool people..." Eventually, you'll meet up.

Answer 10

Great question. Thought I would never see this. I lived in Las Vegas years back. I lived across the street from Nellis Air Force Base. I made friends with a couple of wives. You are right. They seem like all they care about is who's hubby is better and what they get from the commissary. I could never figure out what it was. One wife told me that they didn't like to make friends because they moved to much. Pretty sad I would say. I feel for you on this one. Wish I could have been more help to you.