my fiance and i have been together almost 6yrs. we want to no his uncle told him that as long as we was commited to each other. long as we are gonna be together forever we can have sex. is that so or what should i do. i mean we are planning on spending the rest of our life together. but ain't gonna get married right now. we wanna wait a little while. but we do no for sure we are gonna be together for the rest of our lifes .someone help me what should we do?
2007-12-04 18:47:36 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Get married secretly.
2007-12-04 18:50:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 4⤋
Honestly, you are acting just like a lot of people who are afraid. You said so just now.
You said, "i mean we are planning on spending the rest of our life together. but ain't gonna get married right now."
Then you said,"but we do no for sure we are gonna be together for the rest of our lifes ."
Those statements contradict each other.
You seem like another woman who is falling for the trap of being with a person who really does not want to commit to you. If I am right, then your relationship should go okay as long as you don't try to change anything. As soon as you try to get your "finance" to marry you, he will probably become disinterested in you. Also if you try to stop having sex with him, he will become disinterested in you. That's the way it works out nearly every time I encounter a relationship like yours.
What I am offering you is not Christian council per se, but logical counsel. I don't need to be a Christian to see that you have already made an emotional investment in him and you are afraid to change anything for your interest. So what you have left is a double-minded life where you cannot do anything but live this way, yet always in fear that he will leave you.
So the easy way is to continue the way you are, and the right thing to do would be to find a boyfriend and don't 'give it up' just for sex. If you do the latter thing, you will be back in the same boat.
2007-12-04 19:00:04 · answer #2 · answered by Christian Sinner 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wildcherry, I'm going to agree with Tuberoot. What he points out as contradictions is right on the money.
Nowhere in this do I see any indication of discussing the consequences of sex. Yes...I'm talking about pregnancy.
what happens at that point? the emotional scars of having to make a decision to end a life? or to keep the baby, and then watch him leave, because today he's not ready to be a husband, why assume he is ready to be a father?
I'm sorry..the advice the uncle gave is about as usefull as a three dollar bill. If a person is going to be together forever, then let's start seeing more walk, and less talk. Also, this is the advice of one uncle. Is he going to be there when his advice brings unintended consequences? No...that would your mother and father...and I'm wondering what advice they would have.
If you're only asking for permission, I know what I have to say is not what you're looking for. But if you are looking for advice, my prayer is you would understand deep in your heart what advice is being offered. I prayerfully ask you and other to remember this...making love is truly beautiful and precious....but even more rewarding...is a relationship committed to building a strong family. As a father, I have more joy in my heart than I did when I was a single man.
† Travelling Prayer Warrior †
2007-12-07 16:05:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In some states you are already married but the statute of common law. Marriage means the knot is tied. It means there is a lifetime commitment to love and support each other. Just living together does not have that commitment. When people marry... it means that they intend to be a family unit... possibly raise children and so forth. Again without that oath... your mate can do as he pleases. He can dump you at any time after he has leeched everything he can get from you.
My suggestion is separate for a time... both of you. Think about what you really want to do with your lives. If you truly miss each others... unite again... but do it right this time. Get married. Tie the knot. Hopefully you do not have children yet. They are the innocent ones in this scenario if you do.
2007-12-04 18:56:05 · answer #4 · answered by onefinefeller 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Many people here have made excellent points.
If marriage was just a piece of paper then I would agree with the futility of waiting. But the thing that has not been mentioned, though, is the fact that a marriage is a blood covenant. Blood covenant is a ritual that has existed as far back as humanity can remember, and even longer than that.
In a blood covenant, the two become one after making oaths to each other before others and God.
A blood covenant is a lifetime commitment. It truly is "til death us do part" because once two become one you cannot separate them. This is why, in the Old Testament, the law stated that a woman caught in adultery was to be stoned to death. Because if you did break the marriage covenant then you had actually broken a blood covenant and death was the penalty for such a thing.
This is the same principle we see in gangs today - blood in and blood out. This is why often people who try to leave organizations that require a blood oath will find themselves receiving death threats ... because to break a blood covenant is a penalty that demands death.
(Thank God that He allowed for divorce and then died in our place)
You did not say why you are planning on waiting on getting married. My advice is, grow in the Lord and in your knowledge of His Word. Apply yourself to studies. Find out for yourself what the Word says and obey it. What I say doesn't count. What your uncle says doesn't count. What everyone else on this board says doesn't count. All that counts is "What does God's Word say?"
God takes marriage very seriously. He was married to an unfaithful wife whom He loved desperately. As unfaithful as she was, He was more faithful. Read about it in the book of Hosea to get the picture.
God bless you!
2007-12-04 19:08:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First...you really cannot "know" (note correct spelling of the word) that you are going to be together for the rest of your lives. What if your fiance is killed tonight by an axe murderer? This means that you will not be together forever. It is all very romantic to THINK that you will be, but statistics and reality indicate otherwise.
After 6 years together, most folks have had sex. If you haven't, wow. A little unusual. But I guess not impossible.
So...what exactly is you question, because it is not very clear.
2007-12-04 18:56:44 · answer #6 · answered by huckleberry 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honey If you are planning on sex, You need to marry first. Otherwise you will be living in sin. It isn't a good thing to do. If you have been together that long I think it is time that you marry before having sex. Ask the Lord to guide you in your decision. God Bless.
t Concerned Prayer Warrior t
2007-12-07 18:47:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my dear, i would say that one of the best gifts that a girl can give her husband after marriage is ones virginity. the bible says that we should not engage to sex not until we are married to our spouse. well, you said that you both see each other to be together forever. if that's so then might as well wait for the right time to do it. i heard a lot who said that they do regret giving up their virginity before marriage. i care for you and i don't want you to experience the same thing that they had. more so, the bible speaks of it, that it is indeed bad to engage into such if you are not married. God spoke of it and disobeying such is a sin. remember that every sin pays a consequence and this consequence, according to the bible, can reach up to the fourth generation (starting from the person who committed). just wait for the right time and that is after marriage. God loves you and your future husband so much and i am very much certain that if you will follow his perfect will, he will bless you more than what you have ever dreamed and asked for.
god bless! =)
2007-12-04 19:04:41 · answer #8 · answered by 1:57 PM 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i've dated a girl who family is the like of this..i don't see much good in it neither.
example..if he dies..what do you have? NOHTING.
no will..no insrance coverage..not even tax breaks.
the purpose of marriage is A LEGAL COMMITTEMENT..vs a word committement that can change amind.
what if you both have credit card or a car ..and a breakup ocmes...is other person name on the car or cardS???
men are sometime wanderer...I say..>GET MARRIED..legally.
and YOU WILL HAVE SECURITY.
woman need security..that isthere nature.
6 years is already way to long..of not being married.
marriage is very simple..this coming christmas?
or pick a holiday nearby..why??/ so HE can't forgot !! LOL. i got married near a holiday..so one nice thing..we get off work..for the weekend..sometime.if holiday and annerversy are close.
anyway..getitng married is far better for the woman.
as well the credit score..as for the baby one day..or alrdady..as well for security of committement..on his part..legally.
you get a tax reduce, family insurance plan or kids on the baoy..baby birth are expensive..and DO NOT EVERY ABORT a baby..breast cancer come when woman do such thing..or past the curse to daughter and they might not be able to conceived.
anyway..
REAL MEN..get married.
chicken men don't.
they are chicken become..they are not secured in their loves.
so is it love? or being USED???
sorry for tough words.
men are user..soemtime.
sometime the woman is 'the user'.
if you had not sex after 6 years..that really good.
if already..ok..
thing is..GET MARRIED..has lots of beneifts..and peace of mind. personality blending is vital..as well intrests and conveestation..daily and easy to do..between the two of you.is vitall too..can each of you..be frank and honest? do you like his humor or him like yours?
do you like same food..some music..same car..similarity of houses..ect. this help build long lasting relationship.
there are some christianity marriage ministries too..see if you can find some..to be a wiser spouse or soul mate.
2007-12-04 19:02:20 · answer #9 · answered by blessedrobert 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
When God made the law... he didn't do it just to keep his holiness, he did it for our good also.
99.9% sure is a lot, but are you really 100% sure you'll spend the rest of your life with him? Things could happen... and having sex with someone you're not going to marry and stay married with could scar you for life.
Wait. Prove your love, because true love waits.
2007-12-04 18:57:52 · answer #10 · answered by controlfreak 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If you're going to wait to get married, why don't you wait to have sex, too?
You've been together for six years...um, pardon this question, but how much longer do you need to wait to get married?
Especially if you really do know that you want to be together forever? What's the hold-up-- certainly no one is going to accuse you of rushing into things!
2007-12-04 18:53:55 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋