Should my fiance and I feel guilty?

Question

Ok, well my now fiance and I got engaged last Friday. We kept it to ourselves for the most part, for the first few days. We told just a few very close friends. Well its been 5 days and this is something extremely exciting for me, I wanted to tell the ppl I care about you know? So I kept asking my fiance, hey, when are you gonna tell your parents and my dad? And we just never had the right moment honestly. So tonight I said Brad, I really want to tell everyone. And he said ok, just do it. So I posted a bulletin on my myspace. My myspace is ONLY ppl I personally know! Well his sister saw it and called his mom, and his mom is freaking out. She was screaming crying, etc. I mean, shes upset that he didnt tell her before we got engaged. But thats our decision. Its not like we went out and got married. The wedding is well over a year away! Should we feel guilty? I mean its our choice to be engaged or not, it was going to happen anyway, talking to them or not. I feel so miserable now Should I?

Answer 1

You shouldnt feel bad! you should be happy! Congrats on the engagement. Bask in the glory of being bride! Mom in law will get over it. Its totally ok not to have told her right away. Though you might want to try to smooth things over a bit just to avoid the drama. Good luck

Answer 2

Parents should be the first to be told after the engagment. But his mom sounds like a drama queen. I see no reason why she should have been told before you became engaged. That is between the two of you. She sounds like she might be a little controlling too. You had better start off right with this one and not give in to her when she wants her way. Either way don't feel guilty. It should really be no big deal so don't let anyone turn it into one.

Answer 3

While it is traditional for sum people to speak with parents before you get engaged it's not against the law to get engaged. I dont really understand the big deal. The decision alone is a very private and delicate one. I always thought it should be decided between the couple then they let the parents know. Not the other way around. Be happy about this and if you feel that bad then maybe talk to his parents. Buth either way them being involved in the planning and ceremony of the wedding is enough. They dont have to be apart of the initial engagement. This is just my opinion.

Answer 4

One thing stands out in this question. Why are you asking your fiance permission to tell your family that you are engaged ?
I would respectfully suggest that you think about this. Decisions should be made together, respecting each others families, and not one person stating his wishes.

Yes it was your wish to be engaged. However, you went about the announcing in entirely the wrong way. Good news should have been shared with both your families, before or immediately after the engagement. One of you should not have had the say to tell the families or not. Announcing to all families should have been a mutual decision. Why keep it to yourselves? Because?

Answer 5

I take it you didn't think about the fact that his sister had access to your MySpace.

You really should have called his parents - that really isn't a good way for them to find out, even though that was not what you intended. You should appologize to them. In person would be best if that is feasable.

Of course, his sister should have called him when she read it, before relaying it to his parents. That's her bad, and it is up to her to rectify that.

I'm not really sure that "guilty" is the word for it. "Sorry" is what I'd say. This is something, particularly for parents, that should be announced verbally. For them to find out about it by reading it somewhere makes them feel like you didn't care about them - that you didn't want to include them in your happiness, as if you don't like them. In this case, it's not like you put an ad in the paper and expected them to find out about it that way - if that were the case, then you should feel guilty. Never the less, they were not informed in a mannor that would have been respectful, not on purpose, but still so. And therefore, you should feel sorry that they found out about it this way rather than from you directly. You would appologize because you are sorry, and not because you are guilty.

If you are at a friend's house, and you pick something up off of a shelf to look at it, and accidentally break it, you would not feel guilty, as that was not your intent. You would, however, feel sorry that you had done that, and sorry that it was broken.

I probably beat this finner point to death now, so I'll shutup.

Answer 6

properly, in line with possibility no longer depressing, whether that's a helluva way for individuals to be sure. in the long-term, this is greater a a significant relatives adventure than the rest. think of Christmas, grandkids, 2 an prolonged time from now... asserting she ought to have basic till now you acquire engaged is going too far, however. yet do make an apology profusely, existence is purely too long to start your loved ones existence with actual everyone bitter. The worst you're answerable for at this factor is thougtlessness, and albeit, Brad is the guiltier occasion re his very own mom.

Answer 7

If he didn't ask your parents if he can marry you, and didn't confer with his parents before he did, you are both too young to get married.