Ok, well my now fiance and I got engaged last Friday. We kept it to ourselves for the most part, for the first few days. We told just a few very close friends. Well its been 5 days and this is something extremely exciting for me, I wanted to tell the ppl I care about you know? So I kept asking my fiance, hey, when are you gonna tell your parents and my dad? And we just never had the right moment honestly. So tonight I said Brad, I really want to tell everyone. And he said ok, just do it. So I posted a bulletin on my myspace. My myspace is ONLY ppl I personally know! Well his sister saw it and called his mom, and his mom is freaking out. She was screaming crying, etc. I mean, shes upset that he didnt tell her before we got engaged. But thats our decision. Its not like we went out and got married. The wedding is well over a year away! Should we feel guilty? I mean its our choice to be engaged or not, it was going to happen anyway, talking to them or not. I feel so miserable now Should I?
2007-12-04 16:32:28 · 34 answers · asked by Mary 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
This is something that your really should have done in person - or at least on the phone. Especially for parents. While it's your engagement and your relationship, those who are important to you deserved something more than an impersonal post on MySpace.
2007-12-04 16:37:06 · answer #1 · answered by Justin H 7 · 9⤊ 1⤋
First, Congrats!! 2nd this is probably the first time they are going to get hurt in this whole wedding event planning. I think they are more hurt at the way they found out. You really should've perhaps invited them to dinner and tell them, if low on money, since you're now planning a wedding just a cozy dinner and home should've been enough, but you really should've told them in person. Like i mentioned before they will be getting hurt, they will definitely be involved in almost every decision in the wedding and you should let them but not in everything. It really is a lot of fun when you get opinions from moms, cousins, aunts, friends, etc. My biggest mistake that I regret is when I got married and we sent out invitations, we didn't put our parents' names on them and our parents were offended. We are hispanic so to our parents, it was like if we were getting married disregarding the fact that we had parents who supported our decisions. I don't know it's weird, but us being american, we read that when writing invitations, if the bride and groom are paying for the wedding then you shouldn't write parent's names. Pretty much whoever pays for the wedding is inviting the guest. Anyways, I think the news about your engagement should've came from you and not from a myspace page.
2007-12-04 16:42:30 · answer #2 · answered by Priscilla A. 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should feel guilty. That's completely rude to NOT announcing it to your parent's before telling friends.
If I found out my brother got engaged through Myspace, I'd be upset.
I completely understand you have every right to announce your engagement at the right time.
But, it's respectful to tell parents first and in person. Friends and extended family members can hear through word of mouth.
It's is very disrespectful and bit immature that you couldn't pull your parents (his and yours) aside and tell them the big news. After all, they raised you. They have the right to know. If you didn't want other people knowing, you could have asked them to keep it to themselves.
Yes, I would feel guilty. It's a bit insulting what you did.
Sorry, if you feel I'm being mean. But, your actions towards the parents (his and yours), was not right.
EDIT: Also, myspace is a public domain. Even though only your friend's knew, people talk. Can you imagine how embarrassed his parent's would have been in your best friend from high school's mother told them they just heard their son was engaged. How mortified would his parents be to hear it from a friend and not their son.
2007-12-04 16:42:22 · answer #3 · answered by J'adore 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I would of been a bit upset to have found out thru Myspace, I mean, come on.
Think about it, an engagement is something that needs to be shared with the parents first and then post it on myspace. I think you were a little insensitive and I think that the mother has a right to be upset.
Yes it is your choice to be engaged, and she cant do anything about it, but common sense and respect for his mother demands that you should of told her first.
2007-12-04 18:12:42 · answer #4 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Think about it: You posted on myspace. How impersonal and cold was that? She probably would have been more excited or enthusiastic about your engagement if it were personally communicated by the two of you. Perhaps this is why she is upset and freaking out about it? What if the shoes were on your feet and your kids in the future got engaged but you didn't find out about it until it was posted on "Myspace" or some other impersonal website?
2007-12-04 16:41:43 · answer #5 · answered by djmirada_peridoteyes 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Announcing it on myspace is for people you dont talk to often. The family should have gotten a proper announcement. I sent a mass text out when i got engaged and some of my friends were offended. Whats done is done but this is a very important moment in your parents lives as well as yours! good luck
2007-12-04 19:21:38 · answer #6 · answered by ko 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes!!!!! You both should be ashamed of yourselves, the first persons you should tell is the parents. After all they are the ones who brought you into the world, if it was not for them you would not be in the position of being engaged. I understand how they must feel, betrayed, dishonored and depressed. How would you feel about being fired over the Internet? You both need to make amends with your parents. It's not that your engaged; but, that they should have been the first to know. Just keep in mind what goes around, comes around; so, when your children post's their engagement over the Internet or My Space, keep in mind that you started the trend.. SHAME ON BOTH OF YOU....
2007-12-04 16:47:23 · answer #7 · answered by denfasr 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
and this is why I extremely dislike myspace as a way of communication, You can't blame his sister for telling his mom, if you are telling people that you personally know, should you not have told his mother as well?
I understand that this wedding is about your love, and your relationship, but you are joining a family, as he is joining yours.
You shouldn't feel guilty, but an apology might be in order.
If she is still upset, give it time, and maybe ask for help with the wedding. (you didn't mention your mother) so maybe she could take up some of the responsibilities?
2007-12-04 17:39:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
In truth it is a courtesy to tell ones parents that an engagement is imminent. This comes from the old custom of asking for the brides hand. While this custom is no longer as binding as it once was it is still considered a politeness. I take it you two will be paying for your own wedding?
2007-12-04 16:40:04 · answer #9 · answered by nutsfornouveau 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I guess she was hoping for a phone call, something more like this...... "Guess what, guess what , guess what, WE ARE ENGAGED!!!!!!! with excitement!??!?!?!?!
Don't feel bad, it was how you all wanted it and that is your choice. Just say we didn't know how to tell you all, were kinda new at this, and leave it at that, it's not like you all were engaged ever before in your life! LOL Don't sweat it just tell them your sorry, you didn't have a Mom to explain all this to you.
I would have wanted to hear the excitement in your voices.
OH!!!! AND BTW! C O N G R A T S !!!!!!
2007-12-04 16:39:03 · answer #10 · answered by darlin 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋