We hate each other???

Question

I'm a freshman and my relationship with my parents has declined ever since we moved three years ago. They nag and nag until eventually I just snap (yes, I believe I have anger issues). I will start calling my dad names (they aren't bad, i don't cuss) and he fires back with hideous names and cussing. For awhile I just tried to ignore them but then when he would call me a ***** and I didn't respond he would say, "See she knows it's true." Today he grabbed my shoulder and I told him to get his hands off me and he asked what I would do and I told him I would punch him. Him and my mom just started laughing and he cussed at me some more. I'm tired of this kind of relationship and even when I try to change they just keep pushing me over the edge. This is a 50/50 effort and they aren't meeting me halfway. How can I end all of the insanity and hurt feelings?

No there's no substance abuse! My dad works for the state and they have random mandatory drug tests.

Answer 1

I'm sorry to hear about the trouble you are experiencing. I really dislike it when I feel one of my kids are mad at me. Regardless of how you are treated I would ask you to try something. Show your parents respect whether they deserve it or not...every time they push, don't push back and allow them to see the great daughter they have raised. You seem as if you have brain, use it to lead...that's right, LEAD! I think you have what it takes. Even parents sometimes need to be led. My children do this with me when I'm difficult to live with and it really gets to me. Talking about reverse psychology!!! Sunsets524, I pray you will seek Gods wisdom in this matter. If you do you will see God at work.


t Intercessor Prayer Warrior t

Answer 2

I am so sorry this is happening in your home...where you are supposed to feel safe and supported. You admitted that YOU have an anger issue. That is a really good thing...that you can admit that even on here....because you cannot fix something that you cannot admit to. YOU are the only one that you can fix in this scenerio unfortunately.....but you can CHOOSE to get that fixed and you can also choose to not let your parents get to you. This is what I would suggest. I am no expert but I remember my childhood in a dysfunctional family....plus I am the mother of 2....one 16 and one 29....that is my expertness.
Kind of make a mental list of what things your parents "nag" at you about. If you find they are nagging about the same things every day.....try to beat them to the punch.....and do whatever it is before they talk to you. Sounds simple, but it sure would save a lot of grief...right? Sometimes it is better to PICK your battles if you can. Like, prevent some...and give in to what they want as long as it is not a bad thing.
Now, if that does not prevent the cursing at you....I would ask to have a family meeting. Write out what you want to say ahead of time so that you can just read it and not be emotional because that starts fighting. Before you start ask if there can be some rules...like.....to let each person finish speaking before the others speak. Say very simply to them that when you are cursed at it hurts your feelings and does not make them look good as parents. Spell out that you will do your part to get along and you want to hear them tell you what they think your part should be. Now before you throw this answer out....hear me out.... When they hear you say that their mouths are gonna drop open I can promise you. Just calmly have a pen and paper handy. When they tell you what they expect of you...say "wait, let me write this down". If you are not clear on something...ask them to repeat it and say it while you write it. That way, if it not right, they will tell you. Whatever you do....do NOT argue right then!! Just write down everything they say.....even if it seems unfair to you. Be very calm.....even if it KILLS YOU.....because I promise this will work! What this does is that they will see that you want to take responsibility and that you are becoming independent since YOU are the one bringing this up...not them. (They should also be feeling pretty bad about the way they have been doing since you are the one being in control of yourself.....but don't rub it in.) Then, try to make SURE you DO whatever is on the list without them asking for about a week.....even if you hate it. If things are NOT better after a week, I would ask for another meeting and remind them these are the things they said they wanted. If that does not work you might need outside help...like a family counselor. I wish you the very best and REALLY hope you will try this. I can tell you that NO parents are perfect....including me. I would love to know how things work out....please email me about it ok? I will pray for you and your family too.....that you will become a close, loving family and will work out these issues. Take care....BIG HUGS!


† On-call Prayer Warrior †

Answer 3

I can only share from personal experience, there was a time in my life, I finally had to put not just some distance between me and my family, but some miles as well.

Afterwards, as time moved on, our time together was "visits", time to be cherished, and we were able to deal with each other. They will always be my parents, never my equals, but I'm no longer treated as if I was still living under their roof.

Friend, my prayer is for you and your family. One of the reasons we feel lonely as a society, is we no longer have such close family relationships. Still, I would pray that time will heal the wounds, and you and your parents can learn to look forward to seeing each other, instead of looking to get away from each other.

† Travelling Prayer Warrior †

Answer 4

Hi, Hon..

It is common to go thru a stage in life where parents and kids don`t see eye to eye. It is normal.. Now having said that.. Listen to Bethy.. She is leading you straight.. That is the best advice anyone could give you.. I will be praying for you and yours.. Oh, and you know you all do NOT hate each other.. {:-)....Families do not hate.. Please let that kind of talk go.. It is important.. It opens the door to the devil. He likes that kind of talk and uses it against us.. Love your parents. They are the only Mom and Dad you get. They won`t always be here and you will MISS them so much..

Peace and God bless,
† Lonestar Prayer Warrior-ess <>< †

Answer 5

If you continue snap at nagging then I am afraid you will have a very rough time occupationally. You might want to find a solution now before this current course lands you in the unemployment line. I am not justifying verbal abuse just alerting you that this is just the beginning.

Answer 6

Let your parents know you would like to sit down and talk with them. I believe that no one is communicating in your household, cussing or threatening each other doesn't count. You should let them know how you are feeling and that some things they say get you angry and the more they do it, the more it pushes you away. I had this problem with my parents, not to that extent, but close. I talked to them and let them know what was bothering me and they let me know what I was doing to bother them and we all worked on it. It's not going to change overnight, but it will gradually as long as you accountfor each others feelings.

Answer 7

Is there any type of substance abuse going on between your mom and dad? If so, that could be a huge reason to why they act the way they do... Hang in there.... I'll pray for ya!

Answer 8

by way of "hate" i'm assuming you meant they had beef with one yet another. i do no longer think of they actually hate one yet another however. 50 enormously plenty hates everybody different than Eminem (exaggeration, yet heavily, this guy alternatives fights with everybody, Lil' Wayne, Kanye West and greater) Eminem and Cannibus Nas and Jay-Z Papoose and fat Joe youthful Jeezy and Gucci Mane T.I. and Ludacris Cassidy and Murda Mooke and Cysseru (dang, did I spell that authentic?)

Answer 9

i agree with what bethy said take her advice. I noe wahat dat feels like cause there were times in my life dat i didn't see eye to eye with my parents but in the end i always worked it out with them. Bu ti will be praying for u n ur family

Answer 10

I 100% agree with Bethy. That was some really good advice. I could not have said it better.You are in my prayers.