I tend to not want to call my mother anymore. she seems to not have any reaction to anything good I tell her, which then feels like an instant drain on my energy. Then she will go into complain mode about her neighbors. I haven't called in months, and was checking if there was any way besides U.S. Postal mail to communicate with her?
2007-12-04 14:41:36 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Sounds like you are better off without communication. She obviously is a very angry or depressed person. You can't fix her, she has to make the effort herself. When she does, then you can reconnect with her.
2007-12-04 14:45:35 · answer #1 · answered by Stache Man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend... the problem here is you have your expectations messed up. Do you call her to ask for advice, or to see how she's doing? If you tell her something good that happenned with you and she's unable to share your happiness, then she's slightly depressed herself.
Don't stop talking to her, but try to find out what's wrong with her, why she's down. It's more important to strengthen your rel-ship than to... worry about what she says to you. She's your mom, even if her words are strong, they'll really do you no harm, unless you fixate on them. Use more humor, sarcasm when she talks negatively and seemingly with no purpose. Don't forget to tell her you love her. The other poster was right, you never know how long someone will live, etc.
I'm sure you got bigger problems in life than conversations with your mother. :)
2007-12-04 22:52:25 · answer #2 · answered by kigel1617 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom tended to be like that for a period of time also.
And I was like that to my kids, then realized how crabby I was and I should be glad for their accomplishments or I would drive them away.
You need to talk to her and explain how you feel without getting into an arguement.
Sometimes it is hard for parents to realize their kids are growing up and I know this is hard for you to think about. But when our kids grow up, we are also getting older.
I think she is going through a phaze and as you talk to her she will come to realize what she is doing.
Don't shut her out. When she complains about the neighbors either give her some ways to solve the problem or let it go in one ear and out the other.
My mom used to call me and tell me what she was watching on tv or talk about people she worked with who I didn't even know. I didn't care about any of this but I just listened with one ear.
It will change, don't worry, stay connected.
2007-12-04 23:03:35 · answer #3 · answered by Tigger 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a mother like that, so I feel your pain. It took therapy for me to find out that it's ok to separate myself from her negativity. (I wasnt seeing the therapist about my mother, but somehow things always go back to childhood) Anyway, she has nothing good to say about anybody or any situation. She would beg to differ with me, but its true.
I call her or visit occassionally to check on her and I keep the conversation very short.
One thing I have learned that applies to her and most senior people...they are set in their ways and not about to change. They dont see anything wrong with themselves even once you point out the bad behavior. So dont stress over it. Remember the 3 C's....I cant CHANGE the way she is.....I cant CONTROL the way she is.....and I didnt CAUSE her to be the way she is.
With that, accept her for who she is, but that doesnt mean to allow her to continue to drain you. You need to find a way to be ok and let her be her.
It has worked for me the last 10 months. When she starts up, I say I have to go. Whether I'm on the phone or at her house.
I truly love my mother, but she has major issues. I wish you well with yours.
2007-12-04 23:06:56 · answer #4 · answered by Deborah J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After years of feeling like you, I can only suggest this:
If your mother is like that, she is very unhappy with life. That's sad. If you can feel sympathy for her and understand that her behaviour is only symptomatic of a deep rooted sadness /frustration /anger/ disappointment (any or all of these) then, and only then, will you stop taking it personally.
Beside, if she speaks to you like that, it's because she knows you won't stop loving her - which actually means she trusts you not to walk away.
But hey, I don't know her and maybe distance is the best thing after all. But consider what I said above.
2007-12-04 22:53:44 · answer #5 · answered by superwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really understand. My mom suffers so bad with depression that no matter what I said, she'd shoot it down somehow. When I try to encourage her to use a more positive dialog she says cruel things like I'm just too bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to see how horrible things really are. Just love her and pray for her. good luck.
2007-12-04 23:42:12 · answer #6 · answered by rain4him *Stranger In Most Towns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think sending her letters and cards is a good idea. You can still make sure that she is updated on your life and let her know that you care about her. If your mom truly is this miserable, I feel sorry for her. Maybe she needs psychological help.
2007-12-04 22:46:43 · answer #7 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol...a mom is a mom is a mom. i feel the same way... maybe limit your get together's to big family ones so you can walk away and chat elsewhere when things get tense. telling her how you feel will just turn it into a pity fest...don't try that. but when she is gone you will have regrets if you don't talk to her
2007-12-04 22:51:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's hard. I lost mine 14 years ago and just wish I had her back...but I would hope she'd be supportive in some way. Sometimes you just gotta let go.
2007-12-04 22:45:25 · answer #9 · answered by ugh192 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call her...its you mom! You have to stay in touch! What about if something happened to her? How would you feel?
2007-12-04 22:46:35 · answer #10 · answered by kyle d 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋