Why does this occur?

Question

Hello

ABPP (Acsess by proxy paradoxus) is a situation in which person A is not allowed to ask person B for something that is thier or is a part of thier system.
Person A has to allow person B to offer instead.
The act of allowing that person B to offer is a paradoxical situation as person A has no way to initiate the option of person B allowing them to have something!

Examples included...

1) It is not siad to be polite to ask another person to give you a sweet.
2) It is not siad to be polite to ask for a cup of coffee from someone else. In Japan, you cannot even pour your tea yourself as it is considered rude.
3) You are not allowed to ask someone if you can have a meeting in thier domian as your inviting yourself in.

It is still siad that if you do not ask you do not get.

To aviod this confusion, I have banned all ABPP acts.
That is to say that I will not allow ABPPs and no one else must commit an ABPP act.
People have agreed on the basis that I cannot understand the nature of ABPPs

That is the piont of this question.
Since about 50% of people commit ABPPs, I can conclude that they probably know the nature of the ABPPs.

What is the reason for the use of ABPPs, and why?
Can you give me an indepth answer, rather than the fact that person B would feel obliged to give unfairly, as this is not an explination that I understand. It leads to "Why does person B feel unfairly treated in this way?"

Sabretooth

Answer 1

Ok I'm not too familiar with that culture but basically here is how it would be rude.

You call me up saying, "Hey what are you doing on Saturday? I was thinking my husband and I could come over and watch a movie"
Now, I'm in an awkward situation. Just b/c I said I had no plans on Saturday doesn't mean I want you moving in. But I can't say, "No I don't want people in my house", so instead I'm obligated to say that would be fine when it isn't fine at all.

You can mention something to that person, without necessarily ASKING for an item. For the person with sweets you could say "Those look great. I'd love to pick some up. Where did you get them?"

Say you call up and suggest a meeting.
I have the option of saying, "sure, how about my office"
That way I have offered my personal space but I still have the option of not offering. I could have merely suggested meeting someplace.

I was not put on the spot of being forced to accept you, nor was I put in the position of being rude to you by trying to sidestep your invite. You are right that you do not ask, you do not get. But there are ways to ask that is still polite.

Mention you are looking for something. Ask if a person has any recommendations or knows anyone that might help you. Then they have the opportunity to say no or to suggest that you have theirs.

Hope this helps some.