Christians I need your help?

Question

I have a Christian friend who is so busy taking care of other people who he feels obligated to - extended family and such - to where he has no time for himself. Taking them on errands, buying them things. These are people who have done some bad things to him - he will say so himself - but he feels like he needs to do these things as I guess it is a what would Jesus do type situation for him. Now I understand doing this to a fair amount but it has gotten to an extreme and really they are taking advantage of him and using it to control who he sees and what he does that does not involve them. Are there any verses or parables that I could remind him of where perhaps Jesus spoke of taking care of yourself?

Oh I am not Christian but do respect the teachings of Jesus. My friend is very dear to me and I want just to help him as he is trying to help all these other people.

Answer 1

That's great of you to want to help your friend. There are a few verses that talk about Jesus' life throughout the Bible. There were times when many people were approaching him for healing and he would sneak off. It wasn't because he didn't care about them, it was because he needed rest and time to spend with God.

I suggest a book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. It talks about this very thing. Maybe you can make it a Christmas present for him. Tell him you noticed that he always takes care of others and doesn't take care of himself enough. Tell him you thought the book might help set some boundaries to make his relationships healthier. I haven't read it but hear that it's really good.

Answer 2

Actually, all of Jesus' teachings concerned the treatment of others or our own conduct within the Kingdom. However, looking at the example of Jesus, who did more for others than I can fathom doing in my own strength, did take time to rest. We all need time to rest.

Your friend does a good and noble thing. It is a shame that he does this for people who take advantage of him. He should set limits which allow him to take time for himself, be with his friends, etc. If he is an adult, he should allow them to treat him as one. It is OK to say, "No.", once in a while, or at least, "Not now.", or "Later."

It will not make him a mean person or a jerk, nor will he be neglecting that which he may be obligated to. He is simply saying that he needs to rest, take on some recreation and breathe a little.

Answer 3

Well, I don't have a parable, but one shouldn't let himself be caught in a situation like that. Once somebody starts taking advantage on a situation, you'll notice its hard for that person to stop. I mean, he's getting freebies, yes? But should the other cut him off, then the other is going to look like the bad guy.

Tell your friend this: Hang out with these people and NOT spend a dime. See if they mooch, or if they don't say anything. If they mooch then get rid of them. Plain and simple. But if they don't say nothing and or even spend money on YOU, then you might consider them friends.

Answer 4

It may be that you could talk with him about temperance. All things with temperance! If he's a son of God and believes in Jesus, then he also has to know that whatsoever anyone does to the children they do to Jesus.

It may be that he feels he is trying to overcome their evil acts with good, but if they are continuing to be abusive, then he's not really in God's will. God's will is not for him to be abused, but if he could really help these people see the better ways of living, then ok, but when it becomes harmful and useless, then he needs to think that whatever they are doing to him, they are doing to Jesus; after all, he is a child of God!

In the end he may need assess his situation, and decide if it's time to "shake the dust off his feet" and move along.

Remind him that Jesus says to "cast not your pearls before swine lest they get trampled under foot".

That means, when you're being taken advantage of for your goodness! Ask him if he feels they are still acting like swine or have they turned over a new leaf?

Answer 5

The way I see it, two things could be going on here:

1) He could have the gift of Giving or gift of Serving. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, he just might feel "called" to serve others.

2) Christianity is based on God's grace. Jesus paid the price and we get his righteousness. There is nothing we can do to "earn" our salvation. The rest of the world doesn't work that way so many people feel compelled to try to earn their salvation. This is a dangereous thing.

I think he should do some soul searching. Perhaps he really enjoys serving others and/or feels compelled to server others. That would indicate giftedness. If he feels guilty when he doesn't serve or if he feels that God is going to hate him if he doesn't, then he is off course. He needs to confess that as sin and try to get a correct perspective on why he should be serving - to bring glory to Jesus Christ.

Answer 6

Jesus (GOD Almighty---who by The Way, Became a Human Being) Had To Rest Too!!!
HE was Human.

Jesus told HIS Disiciples to "go ye into a Desert Place---to rest".

Jesus didn't do AnyThing the Father didn't TELL HIM TO Do.

Does your Friend Listen to "The Father"---Like Jesus Did?

Answer 7

Ask your friend if he is spending time with the Lord each day in private worship, prayer, Bible study, and meditation on God's word. Also, ask you friend if he is worshiping God corporately with a local body of believers.

The gospels are full of references regarding how Jesus was very busy tending to the physical and spiritual needs of others but the gospels also detail how Jesus Christ always made time for His personal spiritual nourishment through private time with His Heavenly Father in prayer and meditation.

Your friend is headed for burn out! He won't be any good for others if his physical and spiritual tank is on empty.

Answer 8

Luke 10

Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. “But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

One part of our being just wants to serve others. Another part needs to sit at the feet of Jesus and just listen. Sometimes, the Martha in us can take over and we completely ignore the Mary part of us. It can become a compulsion, and thereby a "work". The Ephesian church suffered from this as rebuked by Jesus in Revelation 2...

“I know your works, your labor, your patience, and that you cannot bear those who are evil. And you have tested those who say they are apostles and are not, and have found them liars; and you have persevered and have patience, and have labored for My name’s sake and have not become weary. Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place--unless you repent."

Answer 9

Christians always live in guilt cause this is what the church teaches, you need to help people and get them saved. But if your life is falling apart to help others, I think it's wrong. Are they really helping their kids, husband, wife as much as others? My father seemed to hand money out to people who needed help in the church, but couldn't help me when I was struggling, I really couldn't understand this.