Why do men show extreme disinterest? I am a single mother of a wonderful one year old little boy. I left his father when he was 5 months. Our safety was questionable so I packed up and left. Since the day I left I had always sent emails with pictures to his father and his family. Not once has he ever responded... 45 emails sent! I never prevented visitation and feel that its so important for him to be part of his childs life despite the issues. We live 1,100 miles away and that could be it but there is no excuse no to try. Our son does not receive any kind of support from his father even after I have asked for help. Luckily I have the state on my side.
Why is he doing this? I've done the right thing by keeping him and the rest of his family in touch with our son.
2007-12-04 13:36:07 · 13 answers · asked by Christine 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thank you to those who made false judgements and to those especially who made valid points. Regardless of what went wrong in our relationship certainly does not justify him not being somewhat involved in our sons life. I will continue to do what I do now- send pictures..etc. I won't push him to love our son however he will be forced to accept responsibility. Allowing him to fail our son is not an option. Thank you all for your input.
2007-12-05 05:11:46 · update #1
I could not imagine no loving my sons or even being with out them I love sharing and teaching them about the things i enjoy and sharing in the moment with them Yes u are doing the right thing as far as keeping him and his family it touch you sound like a wonderful mother and i applaud you for that and one day your ex will regret losing time with his son
2007-12-04 13:46:47 · answer #1 · answered by Danny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello if your safety was a big concern then that means he hurt you some kind of way, and if that is true then not participating in his sons life is another way to hurt you. IT is more important to him to keep hurting you than loving his son he knows you want the best for the baby. And so since he is not concern about the welfare of his child then he needs to pay child support the law saids so.You know hon you have done your best keeping in contact with that part of the child;s family but maybe enough is enough let it go if the rest of the family does does not respond then don't send photos any more. and to me by not responding that is there way of telling you they don't care.You just keep being a good mom to that wonderful baby and know you did the right thing for the both of you. Happy Holidays
2007-12-04 22:46:07 · answer #2 · answered by Back Field In Motion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, not all men are like that. My parents split under similar conditions when I was 4yrs old. My father fought like hell to see me and drove 4 hrs once a week just to have dinner. I am actually closer to my father now than I ever was with my mother.
That being said, the problem is on his part and not yours. You cannot force him to want to develop a relationship with his son. It sounds like this is his way of continuing to control you and punish you for whatever he thinks you have "done" to him. I do not know his education level, but I would sent him legitimate information on the negative impacts his behavior will cause for your son in the future. If he still continues the way he is acting (or not acting) at least this will be an informed decision and you can know that you did everything that you could. In addition, it may be possible that the best thing for your son is no contact with this man. No father is better than an abusive father...
2007-12-04 21:57:17 · answer #3 · answered by Karma 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It isnt "men" in general.Just the ones YOU picked hon.I mean think about you had to leave for your safety didnt you?
Make the connection here please.If he was so bad that you HAD to leave, why do you think he should show interest in being a good father when he wasnt ever one to begin with?
Did you think your leaving would magically change him into something he never was?
You said you had to leave for safety sake and yet endanger yourself and your child by keeping in touch.Is it that your maybe deep down hoping to use his kid to goad him back into a relationship with you?
It didnt work he is probably partying and sleeping withother women by now.He is a bum.Make sure you get the child support and write him off.Then no more dating till your kid is grown because you dont pick men well and still cannot understand that the one you made a baby with is a bum.
If you want a decent man get in church, be a decent woman and the LORD will give you a decent man.Decent women dont make babies with bums out of wedlock especially before knowing what kind of man they made a baby with.
2007-12-04 22:42:53 · answer #4 · answered by Joe F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a natural thing for a father to be disinterested - that's why women have the "nurturing" instinct and men tend to have the more of the "sex" instinct.
Stop forcing your son on his father and his father's family. You have it backwards! What you should be doing is collecting things and asking for photos, medical history, etc. of your son's father's family so someday - when your kid is curious, you can show him photos and give him family history from his dad's side of the family.
You haven't done the right thing by keeping your son. Your son should have been put up for adoption if he did not have 2 parents who were married or "together".
1,100 miles is very prohibitive to many people financially. Even if I had a child, I could not travel that far due to financial reasons. Gas and/or transportation is expensive. That is automatically a $1,000 trip for a week with airfare, hotel, rental car or driving, food, etc.. - and the missed income from work too!
The greatest gift that you could give your son right now - besides adopting him out to a family that can financially provide for him and all his wants and needs .... IS to find yourself a nice man to marry and have your husband adopt your son so you can be a cohesive family unit.
2007-12-04 22:04:57 · answer #5 · answered by Dina K 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
that was messed up, you just left...Was his safety really questionable or where you just imagining it was.. I'm not trying to be mean but someone woman they imagine things, they twist things in thier mind and believe life is bad at home when it really wasn't. God doesn't make woman like he use to, woman today are such quitters the first sign of trouble they run, scream and cry ....really sad...
Instead of blaming Men, why don't you look in the mirror, what you did was evil, you left without notice and moved 1,100 miles away boy is that far. Then have nerve to send an email, are you bipolar or something...
I would kill you if i was that guy, and take me son...he probably is depressed and hates your guts and wants you suffer for what you did....
All the woman who say they got Dead beat dads or Men who act like boys id say only 15% actually do... Meet the women and you would see why a Man doesn't want to be with them,or around them...
Thats was really stupid, what you did, Your son will now not have a father figure in his life, and when he asks don't lie say, becuase I dumb son....
2007-12-04 21:48:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you left because you were concerned about your safety, I think you should just be happy he's not part of your son's life. Unfortunately, there are a lot of deadbeat dads out there.
If he is that disinterested, stop trying to force it. You can't force him to love your son. I wouldn't want my kid around someone (especially a father figure) who doesn't care/love him. Find someone new who likes kids. Hopefully he will learn to love you and your son.
Good luck with getting child support.
2007-12-04 22:09:33 · answer #7 · answered by cashew 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a tragedy that your little man is missing out on a key male role model. You are doing all you can by sending the photos and updates of his progress. Keep that up. Hopefully he reads them and will someday be motivated to resume a relationship with his son. In the meantime try not to let the situation upset you. Concentrate your efforts in raising that son of yours to be a man of character and integrity who will do you all proud. All the best.
I must clarify that not all men show disinterest in their children. There are still involved Dads and they make the world a better place.
2007-12-04 21:55:56 · answer #8 · answered by Mim 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You left because of your safety, and you want the guy around? The farther you are away from this guy the better you and your son are. Your son doesn't need to know his father if he will be hurt, see you hurt and learn how to hurt. Stop sending any kind of correspondence, if they want to know anything they will track you down, but I hope for your sake they don't. You sound like you want the guy to come after you, but it won't be nice if he does, because it will be worse than before. If you have to ask why, then you need to go have some counciling to figure out why you want him around.
2007-12-04 21:52:00 · answer #9 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can only imagine why you left him. Teach your son to be loving and kind (like Mom) when he is old enough he will track his father down and have some major quesitons for him. Do not try to contact dad anymore.
2007-12-04 22:37:38 · answer #10 · answered by 1americangirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋