ok well obviously i dislike my mom's boyfriend, actually..... i HATE him. at first he was ok, but now he's like an evil parasite that won't go away and is ruining my sister and mines life!!! my mom is always going over to his house, and he's hurt her (tried to leave/end it) like five times and she gets so upset. i feel really bad for her but she won't listen to what me and my sister have to say. we try telling her about how its not a healthy relationship and how its hurting me and my sister too, but she always starts bantering about how all relationships are work and none are perfect. but she JUST DOESN'T GET IT!!! he's rude to her and our family, he insults my mothers parenting abilities (which are perfectly fine by the way) and UGH! i want to be like one of those evil step children who puts frogs in their step parents coffee to try and get them to leave. I've been extremely patient with her and her boyfriend, but i've come to the end of my rope. If you have any suggestions, do tell!!
2007-12-04 11:16:52 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Bad news, today. You're the kid in the equation and you don't have the right to interfere with your mother's relationship(s) with anyone. If he is abusing you or your mom, then report it to the police. If he is NOT then do not make up stories that he is because those backfire badly.
Your mother has to live with the consequences of her choices -- including the her bad taste in men.
If the situation is intolerable and you're of a certain age, the you can petition to go live with your father. But then you will have to cope with the women he dates and has relationships with too.
2007-12-04 11:27:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom knows how you feel. You and your sister have told her, repeatedly. Unfortunately, your mom's emotions are clouding her good judgment. A person with healthy self esteem, who is thinking rationally and in a position to do anything about it, doesn't go back for repeated helpings of disrespect and abuse. If you and your sister are older teens, she may be thinking that you will be gone soon, living your lives, and she will have no one.
If you confront her on an emotional level, it will only blow up into a huge fight. Your mom probably lives pretty close to her emotions, without ever evaluating them very much - she just wants what she wants. You will have to try to keep your cool and present frequent, low key, logic based arguments.
The next time he makes a gratuitously snotty or negative comment about your mother or your family, make a note of it and bring it up with her, when he is not around. Tell her that when he says (whatever), it's not true and you resent the unnecessary put down. Try the third person argument. Ask her, if she didn't know him and she were sitting in a restaurant or somewhere public, and heard him insulting a strange woman the way he insults her, what would she think of him?
The point is that you want to try to separate her emotions from the relationship as much as possible, and try to get her to concentrate intellectually on his actions. It will take time, but eventually, a light may break and she'll think, "He IS kind of a jerk."
In the meantime, you have to contend with the fact that your mom is an adult, and at the end of the day, she will make her own decisions. However, you don't have to bear the brunt of them. You and your sister are household members and you have rights, too. Make it clear to your mother, again calmly, that if she continues to put up with his abuse, that's her business, but you and your sister won't hear it. When he insults your family, call him on his disrespect. It's unfortunate that your mom may need you as a role model; it is supposed to be the other way around. But that's the situation you are in and you come across as someone who has no intention of being one of life's door mats. Keep pointing out that guys who respect their gf's don't say and do what he says and does, and she may come around. If she doesn't, you tried. Concentrate on your own needs and be there for your mom when the relationship ends, to remind her of how REAL family support each other, and that she won't lose you.
2007-12-04 20:05:09 · answer #2 · answered by lighght30 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that. Talking to your mom will never work it seems like she loves him. You and your sister have to stand up to him. I'm 16 n a guy so i was a lil easier to stand up to my mom boyfriend cuz I've had that "Man of the House" mentality since 2nd grade when my Dad left n I wasn't gonna let anybody mess with my mom so i just bitched him out n let him know if he doesn't leave her alone there will be problems.
Since you are a girl I would do this. I don't know much about your situation but it seems that he always wants to feel in control and has a temper. I would say stand up to him n tell him to back off your mom but have a tape recorder in your pocket or something just incase something does happen.
If nothing happens then he probably leaves
If something does happen then you have it all on tape n he's gone.
Good Luck
2007-12-05 10:26:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Has he actually abused her or you, mentally, emotionally, or physically? If he has, then you can call Social Services and report the abuse - they obviously can't force her to break up with him, but they could restrict him from any contact with you, which would eventually kill the relationship.
If he's just a jerk, then there is not a lot you can do. Try talking to people your mother respects and will listen to - a pastor, a grandparent, other family members, a friend.
If it's not an abusive relationship, then you don't have the right to stop it, and you wouldn't be successful anyway - ultimately your mother is the one who has to make that decision. All you can do is set limits on how he interacts with you - point it out to him when he's rude, defend your mother's parenting, etc.
2007-12-04 19:32:04 · answer #4 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not up to you to get rid of your mum's boyfriend, If he is anything like what you describe, then hopefully, your Mum will see him for what he is.
Meantime, tell your Mum that if she wants to have a relationship with him, that is her choice. But you want nothing to do with him, and you do not want to be around him.
You do not say how old you are! If you are old enough, move out and start making your own life, if you are not old enough, then say the above, and keep out of this mans way.
You cannot make choices for your mother, whether you think she is making her own life miserable or whatever, she is the one to make the choices, for herself.
I hope you can see this, because if you do anything silly trying to break them up, you could find yourself in serious trouble, and with a Mother that will turn around hating you in the end,
Leave them alone, but make sure that he leaves you along.
2007-12-04 20:17:55 · answer #5 · answered by Maureen S 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You've been "extremely patient" with your mother living her own life? Well how generous of you.
Your mother is a grown woman who has it together enough to be that "perfectly fine" parent you believe she is. Mind your own business and stay out of hers. Sounds like if he's trying to end the relationship and your mother won't, then she's the one who has dependency problems.
I think you can help your mother more by being mature enough to knock it off.
2007-12-04 19:38:04 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ok well i kno how you feel b/c i have a step dad who is FINALY separated from my mom!
i was pissed that my mom didnt listen to me b/c i told her that i didnt like him and u kno wat i didnt really hav a good reason but for some strange reason i hated him so much!
i mean he respected me and everything!
but just keep getting your sister and you to get your mom and sit down w/ her w/o any interuptions and tell her how you feel w/o holding bac kat all and tell her "ya i kno relationships are hard work but he should atleast respect you a little(LOT) and your family and remind her of all the things he has done wrong!
(really jope everything works out but jus be glad you hav your sis on your side cause i didnt hav anyone!)
2007-12-04 19:25:56 · answer #7 · answered by Ash 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am wondering how much your hatred has contributed to the problem. It's not easy for an older woman to form new relationships so maybe you could try being supportive and see how that works. If you cut the guy some slack, maybe his approach to you and your family will improve.
2007-12-04 22:04:34 · answer #8 · answered by mz112ungu 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your mom is in love with this guy, I would just stay out of it, unless he put his hands on her. Your mom is never going to see no wrong in this guy.
2007-12-04 19:24:10 · answer #9 · answered by dbrh_soto 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your mom knows you and your sister will grow up in a few short years, and find one just like him.. And will you be thinking of your mom then....? NO!
2007-12-04 19:22:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋