Is this wrong or too early to panic?

Question

My Fiance & I chose October 31, 2009 as the day we want to be married. We picked it about a month ago. We have not formally announced our engagement, but have told a few close relatives/friends.
I just heard a rumor from a family member on my Fiance's side that one of his cousins is planning to marry in October 2009. I'm thrilled for the cousin, but panicking that they could pick the date I want for my wedding!?!
I was suddenly overcome with a feeling of "they're not getting MY day!". I could care less if someone picked Oct 31, 2008 or 2010. Its just that I don't want to be vying for family on the same EXACT day/month/year.
My Fiance & I are considering rushing the order for our engagement announcements to get them out sooner and specifying "Wedding is planned for Oct 31, 2009 - Invitation to follow". We were planning on doing the announcements in January anyway so December isn't too much earlier.

Is that wrong of us? Am I panicking for nothing?

Another concern for me is that if they don't have the exact same date but choose one close to ours that his family might be too tired or financially tapped out to attend our wedding (its not about the money in the card, but most of his family would have to travel and pay to spend the night in order to come to our wedding - it is 3hrs drive for most of them).

Not to be totally evil or nasty, but I'm not changing 10/31/09. It would be way too many years for me to wait for Halloween to fall on a Saturday again. Which is why I'm waiting 2years to get married. It is my absolute favorite holiday and the only thing my fiance is "indulging" me on with respect to the wedding. We've been negotiating every other aspect of it and coming to a compromise. I got to pick the date I love!

I feel like a few of the answers are taking my intention the wrong way.
Do I own Halloween? No. But do I & my husband get the spotlight on the day we wish to be married - yes. I'm not trying to say people can't get married Oct 31. I think its cool, but having 2 people in the same family possibly on the same day and year is a problem.
We've chosen a date that means alot to us out of a list of several other significant dates which got ruled out. We are going to see venues in 2 weeks with that specific date in mind.
We purchased our favors and invitation card stock already with a Halloween-theme.
The both of us are really into planning. We don't want to be running around crazy at the last minute. I realize it is 2 years out, but we've been putting all the plans in motion already.
And when it is your wedding, you & your spouse get to be the stars of the day. You are supposed to be the center of attention and all that fun stuff that goes with it.

Answer 1

No, when I got married, I had the same kind of problem.

If I were you, I would go ahead and send out announcements. That way, the other couple may be warned beforehand.

Good Luck, I hope you get your date!

Answer 2

I can't believe you're panicking this early. Honey, you haven't even STARTED the real planning and you're already stressed? You better save your energy because you sound like the kind of bride who is going to get dramatic over EVERYTHING....and that makes the entire planning/engagement period miserable for everyone involved. So word to the wise....take a breath and realize that NOTHING is that big of a deal in the grand scheme of life.

Now....here's what you do: You DON'T make rash decisions based on a RUMOR! You need to have your fiance simply call his cousin and ask what date they are thinking about. If the cousin asks why, say "well, we're trying to nail down our wedding date and didn't want to take anything away from your wedding by putting it too close or on the same day!" The cousin will appreciate the thoughtfulness and then you'll be dealing in FACT instead of rumor. If they HAVE picked that date, then just pick another. It's hard to believe there is NO other date possible that the 2 of you could get married. That's just impossible. Don't be this stubborn about your wishes this early on or you're going to make yourself and your fiance miserable during the next 2 years!

Answer 3

Honestly, I would call the cousin and talk to them. They may have gotten wind of your date and may be panicking as well and also may have the same thought of getting the announcements out asap to fend you guys off the date. If you call then you can amicably work it out together, maybe my moving your dates around so that it will be good for each other and the family. I would just start the conversation by saying "Jane, its Joan, we just heard that you and John got engaged! We are so thrilled for you. I have a quick question for you because I think I heard some information and I was wondering if great minds thought alike. Are you planning an Oct 2009 wedding because so are we!" and go from there. Keep it light hearted and dont go in on attack mode.
If you do that annaouncement it really may be taken the wrong way and that isnt what you want your first step of your relationship with his family to be.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Instead of trying to beat someone to the punch and feeling all this angst, why not call the cousin on your fiance's side, wish them congrats and then ask if they have set a definitive date. After you get the information, why don't you mention that the two of you also planned on tying the knot in October, so you want to make sure there isn't a conflict in that people would need to be in two places at once. You shouldn't alter your wedding plans just because someone else is getting married in the same month, nor should you be trying to be sneaky and beating someone to the punch. Just find out what's going on. It doesn't matter who announces it first---if people are going to be too tapped out to attend two wedding, the dates won't matter. If they're family and they love you, they will plan for the dates and be prepared well in advance. Good luck!

Answer 5

You are too young to remember Prince Charles, Princess Diana, and the fairy-tale wedding. The short story is that a lot of people spent thousands of dollars fulfilling a one-shot dream, the wedding was gorgeous, the marriage was hell, and you know the rest of it.
Ask your parents if it's too late for you to have a debutante party, that might be more appropriate to your needs. There is no reason for a healthy young woman to spend 2 years planning a wedding when the marriage is likely to end in divorce. Let alone why should your fiance or family want to spend 2 years planning a wedding. In 2 years you could earn a degree, fulfill a military obligation, wear out a new car, or raise a calf from birth to beef.

Answer 6

while the date means a great deal to you, it may very well mean the same to the other couple.
instead of 'rushing' your engagement announcements why not get in touch with the cousins and ask them what their plans are? explain you want to start planning but you don't want to put the entire family in a position of having to choose which wedding they will attend. you can not force them to change their date if by chance its close to yours but perhaps the four of you can figure out a solution to the problem..........if indeed there is a problem. after all at this point you are working yourself into a panic over what is simply a rumour!
so pick up the phone and have a chat with them! the odds of them picking the same date are pretty slim i would think!
good luck with it all and come back and let us know how it works out! you've got my curiousity up now!

Answer 7

Sounds like you guys should have announced your wedding date and soon as you settled on one. Personally, I don't understand the need to send out formal announcement cards to family and friends. Word of mouth worked fine for us, but to each her own. By waiting, you run the risk of others getting the word of their wedding out before you, and sorry to say, but think which ever wedding people hear about first will be the one that is more focused on. Plus, being that both are within the same family, that throws the issue of finances in there as well. Hopefully the other couple has chosen a different date in October, and you won't have to worry about it.

Answer 8

If you're positive you want that date, get some sort of save the date's out there ASAP. Your cousin will have to switch weekends if you "claim" it first. Trust me on this, get it out there. Their parents will most likely make sure they don't book on the same day if you've announced it already. Even if they went with that Friday or Sunday, you will have announced it first and therefore people will tend to put your day first in their prioritizing.

Also... some encouragement, it's okay if their day is around yours. My fiance's cousin is getting married the day after us and there's an overlap of about two-thirds of our guest list that will be invited to both days!! BUT, everyone has made it clear, they'll be there supporting us even though they'll be up doing the same thing the next day. So if your cousin's day is close to yours, people will still take your day to celebrate and focus only on you, just like they should!

Answer 9

Your wedding will require more months of production than a Hollywood movie. That's fine, it's your business, and I'm glad you're not my cousin because I don't keep a planning calendar 2 years out.
This whole thing is too pathetic. Such a high % of young marriages end in divorce in less time than you plan to spend organizing your Halloween wedding.

Answer 10

Hi and congratulations!

Well...there is nothing you can do but hope they don't pick a date close to yours. Everyone is allowed to pick the date and time that suits them not anyone else.

Why don't you move yours to 10/31/08...it's a Friday...but who cares?

One note: Halloween IS NOT a holiday.
Holidays are New Years Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, July 4th, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Veteran's Day, etc....and all the other days that the Post Office is closed.....Halloween is not one of them!!

Answer 11

One of my good friends got married last Feb. Her niece married a week after her. What a great time we all had going to 2 weddings in the span of a week. Call your cousin and see what date she chose.