being involved in an abusive marriage for 10 years?
and stop beating yourself up for wasting all those years when
NOW you realize you couldve gotten out earlier??
how do you let go of all that comes along with that?
and if you can add any tips as to how to let go of the anger towards the abuser(even though,hes forgiven)
2007-12-04 10:09:15 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Well, unless you can figure out how to change the past, it is useless to dwell on it. You can still reflect on it and be angry, but turn that energy into the future. Let it be your drive to make the rest of your life better to make up for the past. There might be a lot of people who had better lives over the last 10 years, but make it so you have a better life over then next 10 years.
2007-12-04 10:15:05 · answer #1 · answered by Take it from Toby 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
We never get out earlier because we always live in hope that things will get better. Unfortunately, in many cases it doesn't get better, it gets worse to the point where we have no more tolerance or strength to carry on in a particular relationship. As humans we carry a lot of guilt with us throughout our lives because we expect things to be perfect. It's only when we realise that we are not perfect and we are always prone to make mistakes, we can learn to move on. If we all knew better in the first place, we'd be perfect, but we are not. If you can stop saying to yourself 'what if?' and start saying 'what next?', you're on the way to recovery. Sorry for sounding like Dr. Phill, but I am a counsellor after all :-)
2007-12-04 10:31:53 · answer #2 · answered by Emerald Book Reviews 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Anger stays until it is delt with. Either beat the crap out of the guy or go and speak to a shrink and work out the issues. They will also help you to deal with the time you've lost.
In the end, a life lived in the past is a life lived in regrett, you will never move on my dwelling on it. Confront it and let it go, life is waiting just around the corner... can you see it?
2007-12-04 10:54:59 · answer #3 · answered by Judo Chop 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your still angry then he is not forgiven. Forgiveness is a process of letting go and letting God deal with him. It is not a simple decision.
You just have to accept the past and think of it as an instrument for developing wisdom to be better in the future. You have to accept it as it was... and you have to just let it go... give it to God to judge between the two of you as He can see the whole picture that you can not see or understand.
The way to let go is to process the feelings first. You need to journal... scream ... pound walls... and wail and crawl into a ball. You need strong supportive friends to help you heal and whatever you do... you need to get out and not isolate yourself in your home.
2007-12-04 10:19:56 · answer #4 · answered by onefinefeller 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you always do what you always did then you always get what you always got; is the glass half full or empty ; you made an investment in yourself ; you are out; that is all that matters; when you forgive others you free the spot in your soul filled with anger; you can't be free until you free your soul and now live; you have the option to make every day count and learn from the bad so you may invest in your future; no one is perfect and there is evidence in all of us of that; you learned a valuable lesson to cherish your life; the only one that we are accountable for; live it now and don't look back ; share yourself with the world and invest your heart for other to live as well; let go of the past b/c you can't move forward always looking behind
2007-12-04 10:20:04 · answer #5 · answered by sml 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
REalize the anger hurts you more than it hurts him . Write down your pain on a piece of paper . Burn it . Move on .
Realize the reason you were attracted / addicted to an abuser . You don't want to do it again . You don't want to just run to the opposite ( you wont be content ) . And you don't want to avoid relationships .
2007-12-04 10:17:54 · answer #6 · answered by allure45connie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What we go through in life is not a waste. It is simply part of this corrupted world we live in that we happened to survive. I witnessed my stepfather trying to strangle my mother when I was 9 and have lived in situations where it was common to have favorite possessions and sentimental things smashed to bits out of rage. Violence, Drugs and other harmful things I have witnessed in my life, but it was something I can look back on now with feelings of amazement...that through all the things I have been through, God made it all turn out for the best...and today I feel no anger towards anyone who caused the harm in my past.
How we respond to the suffering we go through is just as important as surviving it. I know you are happy to be rid of the situation...I was...even overjoyed when it finally ended...but now it is time to accept that it is no longer something that binds you, and never will again. God is stronger than our ability to hurt each other...He is so strong that in Him we can grow and forgive and put the past where it belongs...in the past...behind us...and do not look back. It's very interesting really...if a person is walking forward and then looks back without paying attention to what they are walking towards...they stumble, or they trip and fall face first. It is the same with our walk in life. Keep your eyes focused on what is in front of you, not what is behind you, trust God to watch your back. He won't ever leave you, and His will for all of our lives is so much better than our own idea for it could ever be.
The abuser...well, they have their own walk ahead of them...the best thing to do for them is to pray that God puts someone in their path that will help them to find Him, and that God convicts their hearts to seek after Him...Mercy and compassion for another person, even someone who has abused us in the past it more beneficial than anything else we can do. God's power to change a person is so far beyond anything we are humanly capable of achieving. Pray and wait to see the miracle God can and will do in a person's life.
I am not saying to allow the abuser back into your life, but pray for them as another human being in need of God's mercy, and forgive them for what they did to you. Always rely on God for your strength and you will never fail.
Take Care and God Bless!
2007-12-04 10:32:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not going to help to beat yourself over wasted time. Focus on now, try to get your life back to as normal as you can. Get some routines down. Try to love yourself, you're worth it. Find a church to join that will accept and love you. Just the fellowship can do a world of difference.
2007-12-04 10:13:48 · answer #8 · answered by misty_dawn1100 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Why waste any more time if you realize now? GET HELP. Talk to someone.
2007-12-04 10:15:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Living well is the best revenge.
Make something of your life, and you will have done everything that you can, and you will have, in fact, won.
I'm quite certain that you can do it.
2007-12-04 10:12:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋