My dad works for telus and I need humourous jokes, quotes and pictures that he may find amusing for a craft I'm doing for him for Christmas. He works with something to do with toll free calling. Please nothing dirty!! Thank you so much. Geeks rule the world!!!
2007-12-04 09:40:32 · 14 answers · asked by kitKat 4 in Science & Mathematics ➔ Engineering
Engineers aren't boring people, we just get excited over boring things.
2007-12-04 09:50:13 · answer #1 · answered by BRUZER 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Electrical Jokes
2016-11-09 21:23:02 · answer #2 · answered by filguieras 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Old Electrical Engineers never die:
they just have slower rise times.
they just loose contact.
they just do it until it Hz. (Hertz)
Edit:
A local railway had a conductor who got into a little financial difficulty with a bookie and ended up with quite a gambling debt. Not wanting to get his legs broken by the bookies enforcers the conductor started stealing some of the fares from the rail company. Unfortunately he continued to gamble and incurred further losses. Skimming any more of the fares would be noticed by the accountants so the Conductor started stealing just about anything of value he could lay his hands on. He noticied thatthe emergency pulls to stop the train were made of brass so he swipped these wit hthe intend of replacing the handle with a piece of wood.
Unfortunately before he had a chance to do this a sharp eyed passenger looking out the window as the train was rounding a curved section of track noticed a problem on the tracks ahead. The passenger went for the emergency signal to stop the train but brass pull was missing. Needless to say the traing didn't stop and ended up in an accident with some loss of life.
The resulting investigation into the accident and operation of the rail line lead to discovery of a series of thefts and missing equipment. It was not long before the trail of theft lead to the conductor. The conductor was arrested and tried for his crimes of theft and for mudrer as well since innocent people died in the accident. The trial was swift and a guilty verdict was handed down with the judge sentencing him to death.
On the day of his execution the conductor was lead from his cell and strapped into the electric chair. The final moment was at hand and the switch carring 10000 volts to the chair was thrown. NOTHING HAPPENED.... Why? He was a poor conductor.
2007-12-04 10:33:19 · answer #3 · answered by MarkG 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are all trying to prove the theorem that all odd numbers are prime.
(odd numbers are 1, 3, 5,7 etc.
prime numbers can only be divided evenly by themselves and one.)
The mathematician goes
3 is odd and prime
5 is odd and prime
7 is odd and prime
9 is odd but not prime. Theorem disproved.
The physicist goes
3 is odd and prime
5 is odd and prime
7 is odd and prime
9 is odd but not prime. Well; it could be miscalibration of the instruments so we will continue on and see what happens.
11is odd and prime
13 is odd and prime
15 is odd but not prime. Well; it could be some sort of statistical variance so we will continue on and see what happens.
17 is odd and prime
19 is odd and prime
Well; of the first nine observations 7 support the theorem so we can say the theorem is probably true.
The engineer goes
3 is odd and prime
5 is odd and prime
7 is odd and prime
9 is odd and prime
11 is odd and prime
13 is odd and prime
15 is odd and prime
.
.
.
(I told this to an engineer and she came back with:)
Then there was the philosopher who tried to prove the theorem and he goes:
1 is odd and prime..........hmmmm theorem proven.
2007-12-04 10:34:19 · answer #4 · answered by J C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q: How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They simply redefine darkness as the industry standard.
2016-03-20 01:56:42 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit on a yoga ball as opposed to a chair to work the core.
2017-03-11 17:41:22 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teach your kids your selected sport (or have them educate you theirs).
2017-03-06 08:24:41 · answer #7 · answered by Shawnee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Set your personal machine alarm to ring hourly—stand up for 1 to 5 minutes whenever it goes off.
2017-02-16 12:23:44 · answer #8 · answered by matthew 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the mood for some sort of hot meal? Make a big pot of veggie bean soup, divide into two-cup containers, and store in the freezer. Before bed, place a container inside the fridge, then grab it before heading out the door every day.
2016-07-01 23:06:59 · answer #9 · answered by Philip 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU MAY BE AN ENGINEER...
If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If you want an 500X CD-ROM for Christmas
If Dilbert is your hero
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes (bonus points if you have more than 6 recorded on video tape).
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
If you window shop at Radio Shack
If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
If you own "Official Star Trek" anything
If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
If you have never backed-up your hard drive
If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
If you truly believe aliens are living among us
If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
If you see a good design and still have to change it
If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are
If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
If you have more toys than your kids
If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you shove up to the front to fix it
If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal
If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use
If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
If you did the sound system for your senior prom
If your checkbook always balances
If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers
If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
If you spend more on your home computer than your car
If you know what http:// stands for (bonus points if you actually care)
If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
If your lap-top computer costs more than your car
If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate
2007-12-07 18:21:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How many IT engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
1 (pause) dot 1 dot 1 dot 1
2007-12-04 10:43:44 · answer #11 · answered by d.bumstead@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋