My bf and I have been together for 6 months. I am 36, he is 27. I was married, have 2 kids. I am pretty much his first serious relationship. I asked him a few weeks ago if his family even knows I exist, and he said 'no'. Up until Sept, we were keeping our relationship a secret as I just separated from my husband in March, and got together with my BF in July, so we have only been 'officially' together for about 4 months. He said that since we were keeping it a secret he just hasn't told them yet, although everyone else including my kids and family know about him. He practically lives with me, is at my place every day. So WHY then hasn't he told his family about me? I feel like he's embarrassed that I'm older than him, or that I'm separated and have kids? I really don't know and I know I need to just ask him. Any advice?
2007-12-04 08:38:11 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he might be finding it hard to tell his family his gf is as old as his mom and has two kids. maybe he doesn't want his first wife to have 2 kids and an ex husband. maybe he knows he family will not like you , but he likes what you "do" for him. maybe you should take some time off, you just left you husband. and after your time off find a man that is 37-40
2007-12-04 09:02:42 · answer #1 · answered by I love my DIRTBIKE! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's very strange that this guy is 27 and telling you that you are his first "serious" relationship. It seems as though he may have some committment issues. Maybe that is the reason he is hesitant to introduce you to his family. There is a possibility that he may have something to hide. Why is he always at your house? Have you ever been to visit him in his home? I think what other people say about being understanding has its merits, but you have a lot more to lose by investing time in this relationship than he does, and you also have 2 children to consider. I think you should make it very clear to him what you want and expect from your relationship, and if he can give you what you need - great! If he can't - why should you waste any more of your time?
2007-12-04 16:59:05 · answer #2 · answered by nicole e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a good question, but I would like to first point out something important. The fact that you asked him, and he was quite honest and up front about not having told his family, and as I read the way to put it, sounds like he was very matter of fact about the whole thing. First, take comfort that he was honest and up front. For the sake of conversation, lets say he does have an issue. His honestly says that he will be a good candidate to have a honest and open conversation about your feelings. This is often hard to find in people. You should talk to him. I will warn you though, you are a bit close to the subject already, so you may be shocked and hurt a bit with his answer. You should work hard not to be. His issues for him are as real as your issues are to you. Hey may be scared. Hey may be a bit embarrased. First remember, often we are embarrased based on preconsumptions given to us by those that raised us, and our current environment. Doesn't mean he can be re-educated.
But honestly, with his matter of fact attitude, to me, it seems, because I am very much the same way, that telling his family isn't as big of a priority as it is for you. Often times my girlfriend has to remind me of her priorities because I get preoccupied with what I am doing. E.g.: I was occupied with making my gf and my life wonderful, planning trips, going to work, figuring out the next neat love gift, that telling my mother how much I love her escaped me at this time.
Please remember, if you make telling the truth so painful or full of consequence, you're setting yourself up to be lied to.
2007-12-04 17:01:50 · answer #3 · answered by mrwjr2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might be hesitant to tell his family because of the age difference, yes... perhaps you could let him do things his own way and at his own pace?
Others will never be llike us, or think the same... we all have a different way of dealing with things... pushing him to do something he's not willing or ready to do, isn't very fair to him, and you seem to be causing yourself worrying about something which you have no control over.
He should not try to run your life, nor should you try to run his. Relationships shouldn't have to be continually repaired. Acceptance works best.
2007-12-04 16:44:23 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
read your question and you'll see the answer. You are an older women with two kids who is recently divorced, that is a lot for a family to digest. I hope you are not offended but put yourself in his shoes. When he is very he will tell them, not his fault you told everyone you knew.
2007-12-04 16:42:59 · answer #5 · answered by nyjae 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋