emotionally abusive?

Question

i'm so screwed up right now. My daughter says my live in boyfriend abuses her emotionally. He is very controlling. I don't know what to do. He wants to punish her for every little thing and tries to tell me she isn't even trying just because she is your typical lazy 14 yr old. He's had something negative to say about all of my family members too. I don't know who to talk to because he's alientated everyone and I'm embarassed to talk to my family. I'm also afraid. I've mentioned that maybe he should get his own place, but he won't budge. I had conflict!! I've even talked to his brother about it. He's kinda supportive. I just don't want to bother him more.

Answer 1

yes Trooper..this is emotionally abusive.

Please remember, there is a natural progression in courting...boyfriend becomes fiance, fiance becomes husband. And this is the road you want to continue to pursue?

first, put some distance between him. It's time "live in boyfriend" becomes "boyfriend with his own place".

Second, please don't be embarassed to talk to your family. This is the anchor of your support. without them, nothing will change.

Third..and most important...your daughter. So he won't budge. Then get eveyone you can get, to help him see himself to the door. Your daughter is more important than continuing to stay a prisoner in a relationship you do not need to be in.

Now, I know my words are just words, but if I may, I would like to pray for you. To ask the King, the Creator of Pure Love, to show you how important you are to Him, how precious you are, and how much He loves you. This is not what He created you for, nor is this the relationship He wants any of us to ever endure. I am also praying He gives you the discernment in the heart to see what the future has in fold, and the strength to make the change. I also pray God will place strong brothers and sisters of faith in your life who will stand with you, and help you make the changes needed to bring peace to you and your daughter's life.

† Travelling Prayer Warrior †

Answer 2

OK, you are smart enough to know that love and safety come first in ANY relationship and even in any friendship. It's certainly not fair what is happening to your daughter - it's almost like he is punishing her just for being there! Our teenage children need support and encouragement towards their own independance - not to hear themselves being put down all the time. It doesn't sound like he is even trying to grow any love for her as his step-daughter.

Since you say you are afraid and he has cut you off from being able to confide in anyone else, you are right when you feel he is controlling to the point of being abusive. He wants you to be afraid because he has a grave insecurity that you are going to leave him...and Duh! who would want to be treated the way he is treating you. Just know that there is nothing you can do or not do...he has major issues which can only change and get better once he admits he has a problem and then follows through with professional help for it. It sounds like that is not likely to happen. SO.......

The best thing I can suggest for you is to move out yourself. I know it's not fair but you need to get away from this guy before he causes any more self-esteem damage to your daughter and to yourself. Remember, self love and love for our children first, always, no matter what...cause how he is treating you is not love. Good Luck :-)

Answer 3

You need to get rid of him, because not only is he disrespecting you, but he's disrespecting your daughter as well and you don't need to put up with it. The way he's treating your daughter is unacceptable and its best to end the relationship and move on! Besides, why would you want to be with someone who's "kinda" supportive? He should do his part or leave, so you're going to have to tell him to leave! Don't ask him! Worse of all, you're showing a very bad example to your daughter, because you're telling her that its okay to be with a man who is disrespectful and its okay to deal with an emotional abusive person. The two of you deserve better, so GET RID OF HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck and I wish the both of you the best.

Answer 4

to tell you the truth i am only 17 years old but i do know this for sure when i was dating a guy a little well 10 years older then me when i was 16 and we made a kid when i was 15 so yeah he started to abusing me and stuff but i found a way to escape and that was to leave the bastard so i think you should leave him because that is not a way to be living and your daughter doesnt need that **** in her life because if that keeps happening she will have a tough time trusting guys

Answer 5

This is not healthy and you have to choose your daughter over your boyfriend. Don't ask, TELL him to leave and that you think the two of you need a break. 14 year old girls are very impressive at this age, and you do not want her to end up dating someone like this man. I know it sucks b/c of the holidays, but you don't want to start the new year with him and his abuse.

Answer 6

You're headed for trouble... I know it may be hard because you love him, but if you stay in that situation, he's only going to get worse. If your daughter can see that he's emotionally abusive, then how come you cant???? "Have you asked yourself that question yet"? Love can sometimes be blind, even when it's yelling in your face. He's already started alienating you from your family and friends, that's one of the first signs to look for if you can't see the others. He's trying to convince you that his reasons for not liking your family are valid, that's how abusive men manipulate you. He's finding fault with with everything and everyone inorder to distance them from your life and when he's completely accomplished that, then he's really going to come out of a bag on you and your daughter.
If for nothing else, get away from him for the sake of your daughter because if she has to live with watching you go through that, it's going to have grave affects on her too.
He may even turn to physical abuse if he gets resistance from both you and your daughter.
You're only screwed if you allow this to continue. Think about your "baby girl" and how she must feel. She came to you and told you that she's afraid... "Don't Dismiss Her" because she's a child. Listen to her and make a move. If not, she will grow up and resent you for it.
I have two cousins that are living proof of it and to this day, I don't think they're mom has ever apologized to them for letting the man she loved (live in boyfriend, never married) abuse them the way he did. As a result their relationship has been strained and distant. She talks with them, they come to visit, but it's not long before the fighting and arguing starts and they don't respect her as children should respect a parent... How could they?
She didn't respect herself or them to allow him to ruin their lives. Now he's dead and gone, but they're relationship is scared for life. Don't let that be you. Don't let him convince you that your daughter is just being a whinning little brat... or whatever he will use to manipulate you. Hear you baby girls cry and think of her even if you're not thinking of yourself.
I would hate to read about you in the paper or see your face flash across the news... and don't make excuses for not being able to get rid of him. Call the police and have him escorted from your home... Call whoever you can think of and don't be afraid to tell them what's going on. I know that's easier said than done, but it's going to be "Far Worse" if you let this "really" spiral out of control.
Most men like that are really cowards at heart, so don't let his yelling intimidate you... That's how they work and that's how they get that power over you. Take your stand now... You think you're afraid now? Just wait... "You Aint Seen Nothing Yet". In a minute, you won't even be able to make a phone call without him monitoring your every move and you can forget about getting on the internet because it's still a way you can communicate with the outside world and that's what he's trying to take away from you.
I hope you heed these words and do what you need to for your baby's sake... Put her first, sometimes our children can be our motivation to make improvement in our lives.

GET OUT NOW!

Answer 7

He doesn't sound like a good boyfriend. you don't need a negative person that is abusive to your daughter. she's 14 and she's a teenager. Typically that is all teenagers. get ride of the boyfriend

Answer 8

You need to be more specific about what help you need. It sounds like it's time to contact some agency in your area that specializes in helping abused women and this falls into that category (for getting their help). I would accumulate some supporting cast including family and other outside help including contacting police and putting them on notice to help if needed and then confront him to leave. When he sees it's way beyond his control and you have a group of resources on your side there's not much he can do.

Answer 9

Get rid of him. You are not only hurting yourself, but your daughter too. he is being abusive to her, and that is unacceptable. Plus, who wants a man who's "kinda supportive"?!
You're setting a bad example for your daughter about relationships with men. There is nothing good coming out of this relationship, so don't search for the good parts about a man who is a dispicable human being. get rid of this guy! be strong for yourself and for your daughter!
good luck ♥

Answer 10

You need to get your daughter and yourself away from him. believe me your daughter needs you to protect her from physical and emotional abuse and he is abusing her EMOTIONALLY sometimes that is worse and if you stay with him your telling her its ok for men (if thats what you want to call him )to treat her like that when she gets a boyfriend because her mother lived like that . Do you want her to grow up thinking that?