I used to be the type of person who would tell a person flat out what I thought of them -- whether it be good, bad or embarassing. I would always do it in a nice way, but sometimes people's feelings would get hurt. But I learned several years ago that's not the way to be. However, there are several people in my family that I want to give a piece of my mind. I have tried to hint around how I felt, but they don't seem to get the picture.
Is there a proper way to address a family member to avoid hurting their feelings. Before you even go there, these are not people that you can just sit down and talk to. They are very defensive and would probably break down and start crying. They are in their 50's and 60's.
2007-12-04 07:01:45 · 7 answers · asked by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I always am up front. However, I am not cruel. I word my sentences so they understand, but not in a rude way. I have a sister-in -law that is just a pain in the butt. She is rude, nasty and thinks her sheet doesn't stink. I have found a way to say things honestly without her even realizing I've said them. I shake my head to whatever she says and after she is done, I say, if thats what you really think. She thinks I am agreeing with her, but her other sisters get it. I am not. I am saying more by not saying a word. I have told her outright what I think, but she is to stupid to comprehend what I've said. Sometimes I am very blunt, sometimes I'm not, but I never offend someones looks or personality.
2007-12-04 07:15:25 · answer #1 · answered by Jana 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is no way to to be rude to people and not have feelings hurt. Why do you feel the need to take on everyone? If you don't care for certain family members, just avoid them. It's not your place to affect an attitude that they need a piece of anything from you.
2007-12-04 07:58:30 · answer #2 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should always use consideration when talking to anyone. irregardless of who they are. cause they are your family doesn't mean you can be more hurtful towards them. if htey are defensive and would break down crying, why would you want to go there? would help better to know what it is you want to tell them. sometimes the best solution is to keep things to yourself. but like i say, it depends on what it is you want to say. hinting around hoping they will get the picture is not a very productive way of communication either. hoping someone will understand what you mean based on your hints will only make your end faulter. i would suggest, first think on it and analyze the nessasity if you really need to say something, your motive for wanting to tell them, best course of action that will relay what you want to say clearly, using consideration when telling them. consider their feelings and possibly their reaction. if its unessasry, then don't say anything, if it is something serious, then maybe get feed back from someone on what they think you want to say. ask them to be honest when giving the feed back.
examples:
you don't like how they chew their food or how they part their hair. or what ever
-not nessasary for you to say anything
you don't appreciate how they leave you out of family functions or being worried they are putting their health at risk. something like that.
expressing concern
use consideration and tact. if they don't want to change behaviors, then its out of your hands and need to walk away.
2007-12-04 07:28:23 · answer #3 · answered by Jody SweetG 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the motivation behind telling them what's on your mind? If it's just to unload or vent, I'd say don't do it since you know they'll be upset. If it's out of concern for their health or some other issue, the next question is: can they remedy the issue? Will YOU offer assistance? So yeah, dicretion is always a good thing, but also too, what's the motivation and is it YOUR place to approach them and not someone else's (or maybe everyone just needs to mind their own damn business).
2007-12-04 07:20:51 · answer #4 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you can't be honest with family who can you be honest with? I would address what ever is bothering you gently and in a calm voice. If there is someone else in the family that could play devils advocate I would get their opinion. I don't know your family or the issue(s) at hand. Getting some one in your family to help with this delicate situation seems best.
2007-12-04 07:14:41 · answer #5 · answered by Gretchen G 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I guess it would depend on what it was they were doing and how serious it really was. Are you upset because of something specific that they've done or just because you've been biting your tongue? It sounds to me like you've gone from one extreme to another, behavior wise, but haven't had a shift in your thinking. I really can't answer your question properly without specifics. Hope that bit helped.
2007-12-04 07:08:41 · answer #6 · answered by bainaashanti 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If they're that difficult to talk to, then why bother. Being open and honest does not mean hurting people's feelings. That's where the line is drawn.
2007-12-04 07:13:39 · answer #7 · answered by Big Momma Carnivore 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋