I was wondering, why people adopt?

Question

Okay,
Why do people adopt? Is it because they want to give a child a home that needs it. Or like a case I know of the adoptive parents adopted because they wanted to fill the void of a deceased child. In the case I know of the adoptive parents never felt that the adopted child was good enough. The were very verbally and emtionally abusive towards them. I read on hear that most adoptee and adoptive parents point the finger at the birth family as being abusive. But the adoptive families can be too. Maybe it's because the aren't adopting for the right reason. Adoption should be done by people who want to raise, love and provide for a child. Not get a child to replace a hole in their heart. So...why do people adopt?

Okay...
So, those that are writing that adoption is wonderful. Why do you think it was okay for these adoptive parents to abuse their kid? I'm not trying to be negative. But this was a serious case, where these adoptive parents must of adopted for the wrong reason. I mean why would they abuse their kid then?

Sara,,,
I was just asking a question. I was not judging anyone. Sorry if you took it that way. I'm glad to know that there are good adoptive parents. I never said there weren't.

Again to the people posting mean stuff. I never grouped all adoptive parents together. I was just asking a general question.

Answer 1

I would hope people would adopt because they want to provide a home for a child. That they would want to love and care for a child. People can be abusive either they be adoptive or biological. Unfortunately on here if some one mentions that their adoptive parents were abusive, there are people on here that will say that isn't true. Basically saying no adoptive parent could ever be abusive. Which I think is untrue. Abuse can touch any family, either they be adoptive or abusive.

Answer 2

People adopt for the same reasons that people give birth - because they want to be parents.

As to why some adoptive parents can be abusive, the truth is, there are good adoptive parents and bad adoptive parents - just like everyone else. Adopting doesn't necessarily make you a better parent. Some adoptive parents are great, and some are not. It's no different from any other kind of parent.

Answer 3

This really varies there are lots of reason. Obviously one reason is a couple can not conceive. A couple or person just wants to give a home and family to a child(ren) that needs it. Some people are single and never marry but still want to have kids but maybe don’t want to go to the sperm bank or egg bank and hire a surrogate. People don’t want to add to our all ready over populated world when there are so many babies/kids/teens who need to be adopted.

People shouldn’t adopt for the wrong reason. You can not replace people and people need time to grieve before even considering having another child bio or adopted. If someone feels an adopted child would never be good enough for them that person or couple has absolutely no reason to be adopting. From what you say this couple should not have adopted. However not all adoptive parents are abusive just like not all birth parnet or step parents are abusive.


No child should be abused unfortunately it happens. Yes sometimes an adoptee does not end up in the greatest family. Sometimes a child is not born into the greatest birthfamily. A child can be abused whether they are adopted or not. Look at Dave Pelzer one of the worse child abuse cases in USA history and it was his birthmother who abused him. I don’t think anyone here is saying abuse is ok but people also realize that birthparents , adoptive parents, step parents can all be abusive towards their children, bio, step or adopted. In most abusive cases the abuser is trying to control the victim. It is a very sad thing no child in fact no person or creature should be abused by anyone.

Answer 4

I adopted my son because I wanted to be a mother. My husband and I tried to have biological children but I couldn't get pregnant. I started the adoption process before we completed fertility treatments because I knew I wanted a child -- it didn't matter to me if he was of my DNA.

People told me at the time that I was so unselfish and giving..."How wonderful of you to give a child a loving home!" and things like that. I told them no, they had it completely wrong. I adopted for ME. I wanted to be a mother more than anything in the world. My son isn't a substitute for a biological child; he is my child. That's it. Did he benefit from being adopted by me and my husband? Probably. He's not in foster care anymore and has two loving parents, so yes, I'm sure he benefits. But I, too, benefit! I have a sweet, loving little boy who makes me laugh and surprises me constantly with the things he knows. He is bright and funny and my life is so much richer because he is in it.

You should realize that not all adoptive parents abuse their children, just as not all biological parents abuse their children. The people you mentioned sound very disturbed and they seem to have adopted for the wrong reasons. I'm so sorry for that child. But just because you know of one lousy family doesn't mean that all families who adopt are the same way!

Answer 5

I think you have to take that in stride as well.
While there are some unhappy situations having arisen from adoption, there are a lot of happy families as well. I went to school with many families who were quite happy.

You're right. If they are adopting to fill a hole left by their own child it's going to be unhealthy. No child can be that person they lost. They're going to have incredibly high standards for that kid. And it's going to cause them both pain.

I've always wanted to adopt a child (not a baby - note: a child). They're often tossed about in the system because nobody really wants them. But they really do need love and a home too. I guess the idea of pregnancy and 9 months of it is rather frightening as well. But that's really not the biggest thing for me.

I don't know. Everything just sounds really cheesy but that's how I feel. I have room enough to love children, even if they aren't my own. I could easily love them as much as any of my own blood.

Answer 6

I was adopted as a child and have never ever be harmed in any way by my adoptive parents, But on the point of adopting a child for the simple fact of loving them I whole Hartley agree, adoption should be do only for love and not to fill and hole, My mother and father are wonderful people and adopted me because the were not able to have children of their own. I was lucky to fall into their arms and be raised in such a loving home.

Answer 7

Adopting to "fill a hole in one's heart" is a very twisted motive for adopting. It is an unfair expectation to expect someone's child to heal the wounds of an adult. That is extremely selfish and pathological of the adopter who brings a child home with those motives or hopes in mind. As you mentioned a child can never live up to such pressure - many adoptees will try, and in the process deform their own identities into people pleasers, but it is a very empty existance.

There are ways to help children that don't involve identity theft and lies. However those options don't fill the ego need that some people have to be called "Mom and Dad." The role of parenting is often idolized that some feel it will "complete" their lives.

Infertility is on the rise. Causes for this include waiting too long while chasing after career / education / the right man / some degree of material attainment. Years of birth control and STD's impair fertility. As well as plain old envirenmental factors like pollution and junk food diets.

Unfortunatly infertility can be devastating to one's self-esteem and often people immediatly jump from that to adoption, and place all there energy "into moving forward" AS IF adoption were a cure for infertility. They don't properly grieve over what might have been, and instead seek a resolution for their empty hearts/arms through adoption. I believe these to be the adoptive parents most vulnerable to unrealistic expectations and most likely to become abusive.

Answer 8

Adoption is not an easy or cheap solution. Those who adopt do so for various reasons and must go through an extensive process beore they are given a child. Not all adoptions work out well and not all adoptive parents are great parents. The same thing happens in birth families. People adopt because they want to parent a child and bring that child into their family.

Answer 9

Why did I adopt? I was told I could not have children and I wanted desperately to have a family, to have children to love and take care of. I guess that is selfish, huh? But I don't make any excuses for adopting. I'm so happy with my children.

And about any parent that abuses their children, I don't care if you are a birth parent, adoptive parent or whatever. You deserve to go to jail and get whatever comes to you from the other inmates.

Answer 10

Everyone has a different story behind "why" they adopted. For us, we wanted to have children and were not able to. We had a choice to live child-free or adopt. We chose adoption. Did we adopt to fill a "void"? Yes, I guess you could say that we did. But that doesn't mean that we do not love & cherish our son.

The reality is that parents - whether bio or adoptive - can be abusive. I come from the belief that abusive parents should be labeled as such. They should not be called abusive bio-parents or abusive adoptive parents. An abuser is an abuser. Sadly some people, whether bio or adoptive, are just not cut out to be parents. That doesn't mean that all bio-parents or all adoptive parents are bad. It's just the few out there that give the rest a bad name unfortunately.