My fiance's grandpa is still making innapropriate comments about me...?

Question

I'm engaged, and my fiancé is wonderful. However, the whole family seems to turn a blind eye to the antic's of my bf's grandfather. He can't go ten seconds without making a disgusting joke about anything from pedophilia to incest or a sexual comment about me.
For his bday, my bf was given a book on art. The cover of the book was a painting of a naked couple in some sexual act. The first thing out of grandpa's mouth was "Hey, that's Zoe (me) and Terry! (my fiancé)".
He will point at my shirt and say "Did you spill something on your shirt? You better take it off!"
Once, me and some other family members were in grandpa's bedroom looking at a quilt, and when my bf walked in, grandpa said "Look Terry, I already got her in my bedroom! I didn't even have to ask!"
I'm not prude, but I've had enough. These comments gross me out and make me uncomfortable. I am not prepared to confront grandpa directly.
Am I out of line in saying that I will not attend any events at which he is present?

Also, I spoke to my fiance and his mum about this. They agree that his comments are innaproriate, but they just think he's being a funny old man. And of course nothing has changed.
Apparently my boyfriend's uncle's wife felt the same way as I did when she first entered the family 20+ years ago.

lol - good point about the will! But it's a small family, so it's not like I can just stay in another room. If I'm there, I'm always around him.

I don't think I'm making too much out of it... I only posted a few examples. It's a constant barrage of sexual comments whenever I'm around him. I mean, when he sees artwork depicting naked bodies, the first place he goes to is that it must represent me and my fiance.

P.C - I love your solution! I might have to take that route - although there are some language barriers that might make it difficult for me :\

Answer 1

The old fool is an attention seeker, and this seems to be the way he has got people's attention for many years... by annoying them. You're perfectly within your rights to refuse to be there when he is, and to insist your fiance comes away from the house to visit you or to pre-arranged places like restaurant or movie theaters etc when you're going out.

The old'un is being gross, and the family are scared to challenge him. They must understand how insulting and humiliating you find him - and right now they are not even acknowledging that it's an issue.

Answer 2

Zoe, I can't believe you are still engaged to this guy. He is obviously more concerned about this dirty old man's feelings and how the family perceives him than he is about you. Is he afraid of an old man??

You need to tell this "wonderful fiance" that it is time he grew some balls and stood up for you or you are going to find a real man. There are plenty of guys out there who would tell the pervert and the rest of the family to straighten this out or you and he will not be back to any family functions where grandpa is present.

You obviously haven't had enough, you are still involved with this group of people who care nothing for "outsiders" feelings.

You are not out of line, but your fiance should be the one to tell grandpa and the family and he should stay away "with" you to illustrate how he feels about the abuse you are suffering. It is most certainly abuse. Verbal and emotional abuse is the first step to physical abuse.

Think about this, this is common practice for many people in this family, that is why they don't think anything is wrong. Your fiance is part of this and eventually will do the same things that grandpa does to you. He will start with playful remarks and restraining you and progress into actual physical abuse when you are finally "his", as in "his wife".

Answer 3

curiously your fiance' is extra apprehensive approximately how his grand parents experience than the way you experience. if it incredibly is so, then you truly could desire to be very worried approximately your upcoming marriage to a guy who's meant to place you previous to all others and look after you and look after you. tell your fiance' precisely what you have pronounced right here and if the respond and answer isn't precisely what it is going to possibly be, in keeping with probability it incredibly isn't the guy for you. Grandpa needs to renounce the off coloration comments and comments approximately "incest" and "early existence" intercourse in the present day and get some help together with his obsession...despite if that's all that's. on an identical time as family members cohesion is needed, being a factor of this family members is soliciting for worry down the line. evaluate the opportunities of what could honestly ensue do you need to have a daughter and positioned across her to their domicile for an in one day stay. many women human beings will ignore incest just to maintain the breadwinner in the domicile. that's extremely a threat that he has honestly acted on his impulses with woman kinfolk in the previous and that's been hushed up. the significant's you're unlikely to be variety one on your husband's existence if he won't stick up for you in a concern like this. i could step lower back and take a stable stressful, long verify out this family members and spot in case you elect to develop into part of it and each of the luggage it variety of feels to deliver with it. your little ones's protection could desire to be uppermost on your innovations as properly as your peace of innovations and emotions. Too most of the persons who replied to this question have pronounced "only handle it." What the hell is misguided with you, only handling it gets you extra of an identical or worse. If there are no longer any objections, it maintains and gets worse.

Answer 4

I had this same problem with my sweetie's uncle. The family was well aware of the inappropriate remarks and either ignored them or laughed them off. I solved this by telling him with a very straight face and serious voice that I was not brought up in a home where it was appropriate to make these remarks about one's relatives and the comments made me feel disrespected. I said this with ALL the family in the room. Despite the uncomfortable silence that followed, we all survived. Later, my sweetie talked to the matriarch of the family and she had a personal one on one with Uncle Nasty. That was a very long time ago and the behavior was never repeated.

Answer 5

One thing I have learned in relationships is that you have to respect the way that your sig other has been raised and what their values are. You should be very clear with your bf that this is not ok and it never will be ok with you. Whether it is a joke or not, it is not appropriate to you. If your bf cares, he will do what he can to make you happy. If not, you're probably in for more problems of the same kind in the future. You can do it. Just be confident.

Answer 6

You are completely entitled to your feelings. A joke is only funny if the person it is being told to finds it funny. You dont' find this funny, so he needs to respect that. I don't care how old you are, if you can't respect a person's feelings, you need to expect that person to react.

You have every right to not want to attend family things if he's around. Let your fiance know this is how you feel. If he loves you, he should respect that. Hopefully that will force him to tell his grandpa to knock it off.

Answer 7

grandpa is a purv and the whole family knows it. get some backbone and flat out tell gramps that his comments are not appropriate! if somebody does'nt like it....well tough tiddy. then you dont ever have to be in that situation again.

Answer 8

Old people with Alzheimer or on medication for the disease are know to act that way. Ask you bf if the old fart is on medication.

Answer 9

your making more out of it then what it is. hes just being harmless and flirting but teasing you both at the same time. hell 1st time i met my hubbys grandfather. he said hi i may have snow up top but theres a fire below... thats just their way of tryin to make a laugh.

Answer 10

i would just stay away from the old codger...who knows...since he likes you so much maybe he'll put you in his will