How do I find my "place" in the world? Is it worth leaving everything behind?

Question

Im a junior in college. I have a good life. I went away to school about 2.5 hours away from home. I have a boyfriend of almost 2 years who is nice. He treats me well, he wouldn't ever cheat on me; we're studying abroad together next semester. He lives close to his family. I still feel like something is missing in life. There's part of me that wants to get out of small towns, and move to a big city. (My hometown had one stoplight, and college town is small.) But that would mean being farther away from my family (whom im really not super close to), but im just afraid if i took that step, i would regret it. I dont feel like i fit in with many people here. i dont want to end up living a lonely single life though either. I want to have a family someday, but im only 20. I still have time to think about it because I don't graduate from college for another year. I've always felt like there was something better out there. Is that being selifsh and naive?

The area that I'm at is a place I would want to raise my kids, but I still feel like there's something better out there. I don't know if trying to find it is worth losing everything that I have now though.

Answer 1

You're young now, take the time to live in the big city, find out what it is like. Maybe you will like it, maybe you won't, but you won't know until you've tried. You can always go back to the small town life.

Good luck,
Dana

Answer 2

Graduate from college and get a first job in a big city. Most people these days do not stay at one job for more than five years anyway, so pick a job that will give you good experience to progress in your career, but don't feel bad if you leave it after a few years. Experiencing a big city is pretty important, and I recommend moving as far away from home as possible. People who never get to know different areas of the country tend to stay very small-minded. Different areas of the country also have very different personalities.

Probably by the time you are 30 you will be ready to move back to a small town (probably near the rest of your family) and raise a family. If your boyfriend is sincere he will stay with you. If not, don't worry, there are many men out there compatible enough for you to make a life with. But do not put any boyfriend ahead of any job or your own interests however unless you honestly think he would make a good father for your children and you can stand to be around him 24/7.

Keep your 20s for yourself to discover you, don't make any big commitments to men or jobs, and don't think you leave it all behind just by moving away. Keep in touch with people and visit at least yearly. Good friends will just be happy to see you when you are there. There will also be some friends you may never talk to again and that's ok too. Overall I feel if you want to move away, do it, it is important to experience new things and try out life on your own for awhile, it's part of maturing and becoming a well-rounded person who can see things from many viewpoints, not just the small-town black and white.

Of all my extended family I live the farthest away, but I fly home twice a year and see most of them. Email is great. And I now have a boyfriend who is willing to follow me wherever I go, and I will be moving from the big city back to small town next year.

Answer 3

You won't be losing everything if you leave town to experience life. If you're studying abroad next semester, it sounds like you're taking the right steps toward exploring the world. If you really don't want to uproot, you should travel more! Go to foreign countries, meet new people, and see what's out there.

When I left college, I moved to NYC for 6 months and worked as a waitress. I shared an efficiency in Manhattan with 2 other girls in one bedroom, and i had the time of my life. My same old life was back waiting for me when I returned home, but I had 6 months of great experiences, meeting new and unique people, and living on my own in a fantastic, huge city.

Answer 4

The grass always seems greener to alot of people, but just remember, it still needs mowed. maybe your trip abroad next semester will give you a new outlook on which path to take.I am 56 and have remained in my small town my whole life. I always wish I had finished college and moved to a bigger city.You are 20. Alot can change by the time you graduate, so maybe your career choices will take you to the place you feel like you are missing. Do it while you are young.

Answer 5

I am world traveled, and have been to 41 of the 50 states as well as 19 countries. I had a military career. You know what kept me going? The chance to come home and find a girl like you in a one-stoplight town.

I'm 44 now and I didn't get my dream. Just know there's guys that want a girl the way you are. Get some money saved to travel, but keep the one-horse town. They are safer and better for kids.

Answer 6

Definately is worth it. Even if you fall it is still worth it. Outside perspective can be one of the most humbling things you can experience. I have moved many times. Once even just packing a bag and hopping onto a bus to a city I have never been to before. Always with a lot of cash, and sometimes ending badly. But that's just me. I love the 'newness' of new cities, that you can walk and see things you haven't seen before. I would highly advise it.

You may even come to realize that you love your hometown a lot more that you know, and for reasons you don't yet know. That happened on my last move, shocked the hell out of me because I was so not a fan of my hometown till I moved somewhere even smaller.

Answer 7

See if you can do an exchange semester at a college in a big city - That will give you some time there to see if it something you actually like. If not, you can come right back to where you are at the end of the semester.

Answer 8

I think you're young enough right now to take a big step and move to a city, but your also mature enough to consider the consequences and oppertunities it would present.. I definately think you should go with it, but for now, just think of it as a short term thing.
Always plan to move back "home" and then it won't seem like such a big leap. Just a bit like a long holiday into a lifestyle you want..

Answer 9

the only way for you to answer that question is to try it! Better to try, than to always wonder! If you move and don't like it, you can always move back. It's not a permanant situation ya know? Yes it's worth finding a fulling life!

Answer 10

try just going for a holiday into a bigger city, maybe spend a motnh or so.. if you do decide that its better for you, then do so. if you stay attached bcoz o f family etc, you will still think abt it for the rest of your life, and maybe even later in life regret it. if you decide to change the city do so, but do keep contact wirth relatives and friends.