My situation: I had our 1st baby in May. DH and I took baby to grandma's house (stroller ride) everyday during the summer b/c our horses were at grandma's house, and we needed to care for the horses. We live only a 5 min walk away from Grandma's. Every time we went to the farm, I'd say hi to Grandma. Grandma had a diaper changing station in her livingroom, and I used it almost daily b/c baby would fill her diaper almost everytime we went to Grandma's.
Mid Sept, grandma commented to me that I needed to not come over as much; she was seeing too much of me. The comment was hurtful, but perhaps necessary. I have quit going over to Grandma's and I have been very resentful about it b/c I am hurt by the comment.
What hurts me the most is that Grandma (m-i-l) goes to my s-i-l's numerous times, and Grandma hasn't been to our house once since mid Sept. BTW, my sil lives close to Grandma's as well. She has two boys (6 &10).
Grandma sees our baby occassionally, but I have...
2007-12-04 05:35:35 · 7 answers · asked by Sylves 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
noticed that everytime she has been with our baby, I have not been included. I almost feel like the woman is avoiding me.
I am bothered by this. I feel like m-i-l prefers s-i-l over me. It hurts b/c things used to be awesome between m-i-l and me, but something changed, and I have no clue why.
I am so bothered by it that I want to discuss this with my DH. He is tired of hearing about it. I know that I need to speak with m-i-l, but there's a big part of me that just wants to be revengeful. If I do speak with m-i-l, I'm going to need a plan so that I don't get revengful, and so that I get my feelings heard.
Thanks for reading this, and thanks for your response.
2007-12-04 05:41:37 · update #1
Manny, I wish that I could think like a guy; I really do. Life would be so much more simple.
I have quit going to her house, except for the two times that I stopped by with some baby pictures. She is very pleasant with me, etc. Everything seems all dandy on the outside, but on on the inside, I'm horribly hurt. The pain digs deeper everytime I find out about m-i-l hanging out with my s-i-l.
2007-12-04 05:53:40 · update #2
hi hon.. i'm sure it's hurtful for you.. you can always (calmly) approach her and let her know that somewhere along the line you must have gotten off on the wrong foot.. you can ask her what you can do to repair the relationship or make things better?
like i always say,it's a good thing we aren't here to win a popularity contest... if you do everything you can to find out if there is an "issue" then you've done what you can.
live your life and do your best in your own world -- and don't let others get to you or run your emotions. it's stressful and we can't change others... so we need to come to that realization.
i sure hope you get some good answers here and that it may be possible for you to talk to MIL someday soon....
take care and sending hugs
2007-12-04 05:42:39 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. Maybe bake some cookies since it's the holidays and stop by with cookies and a picture of your child. Tell her you were due for a walk and thought it would be nice to see her for a few minutes. Try not to change the baby there. If anything stay a few minutes get a feel for any tension or resentment in the air and then go home. But before leaving ask her to stop by and see your holiday decorations or invite her to dinner and see how things go from there. Best of luck to ya!
2007-12-04 05:47:59 · answer #2 · answered by overworkedtiredmom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean about having an emotionally distant MIL. I tried to befriend mine thinking she was a good person and just needed to know me. BIG MISTAKE. Long story short, you can't change her mind about you or your baby or her cold-hearted ways toward you or even hope for something good in her that just is not there. Best advice... stay away from her and form no emotional bonds to this woman. Our kids' grandma has not seem them in almost 10 years. We live in the same town, but refuse to see her. We are better off, because there is no more drama and heartache.
2007-12-04 06:07:18 · answer #3 · answered by f1mudvayne29 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very strange. I can't imagine why she bluntly said she was seeing too much of you. Did it seem like you were taking advantage of her house to use the facilities and take care of the horses, and she felt put upon?
What does your husband make of it? Aren't these his horses, too?
2007-12-04 06:05:36 · answer #4 · answered by Marina 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you're making a big deal out of it. If she wants her distance, well that's her prerogative. Why do you place so much importance in your mother-in-law's acceptance?
2007-12-04 05:56:59 · answer #5 · answered by Sandy Sandals 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well stop going over so much
2007-12-04 05:40:04 · answer #6 · answered by Manny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TRY TALKING 2 HER, ASK WHY SHE SAID THAT AND HOW MUCH THAT HAD HURT YOU. TAKE IT FROM THERE
2007-12-04 05:56:55 · answer #7 · answered by tati 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋