My girlfriend and I are at odds with each other...She wants a wedding that is going to cost about 10K easily. I think that money would be better spent on getting a house. I have been married before and had a wedding (3k in costs), this will be her first time. I have offered alternative wedding plans to her such as a deffered wedding on our anniversary date, small intimate ceremony, etc. She has no money saved up..I have about 25k in savings. She has dreamed about a wedding all her life and a nice house as well...but there will be no house if we have an expensive wedding. Am I being unreasonable about not having her dream wedding?
2007-12-04 05:03:16 · 36 answers · asked by inet_cadet 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Her parents are not contributing at all. My parents have offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner as tradition states. I come from a household of financially stability and practicality (both parents are retired and very comfortbale). Her parents are not financially stable and live for the moment...but nice people! I love her, but I feel like I am jepordizing my future.
2007-12-04 05:49:36 · update #1
A house is far more important.
There is absolutely no reason to pay that much for a wedding.
My wedding is going to cost about $3500, and I still think thats a bit much.
2007-12-04 05:13:45 · answer #1 · answered by Olivia! 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Well personally I would say the house.......a wedding is only one day after all, but as you say she has never been married before I guess she has had a dream marriage in mind.
This is where the compromise of marriage comes in.
Tell her she can have $5,000 towards her dream wedding. YOu will still have $20,000 which is a nice little deposit on a home, and she gets a dream wedding.
It is amazing how far you can get $5,000 to go. If she is creative and shops around and does stuff herself. You will have to be strict here and make sure she doesnt go over budget. There are so many possiblities. maybe you could have the wedding in your parents yard? With some decorations it is amazing how beautiful an ordinary yard can look.
The reality here that she needs to realise is that weddings cost money. It is all thrown away on a memory, disposable money, whereas a house is yours forever. You will need somewhere to live and if you guys want to start a family, well you will have to wait forever if you need to buy a home and resave all that money to do so.
If she wanted a dream $10-15,000 wedding she should have been saving money. She should get a job and pay for some of the extras herself. A lot of brides these days have to do it without their parents contribution. It is just a fact of life. She needs to start saving some money and not rely on other people.
On your part, yes you will be losing $5,000 but at least that is a relatively small amount to be spending. It wont take forever to save that up again.
2007-12-04 07:39:27 · answer #2 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it is foolish to spend money on a wedding that you don't have in hand. DON'T use the credit cards. My budget total was $7000 and that included the wedding, engagement ring, wedding rings, reception AND a 10 day honeymoon. In fact, to get the engagement ring I wanted, my guy had to delve into the wedding budget. Can't go a dime over as that is all there is (I'm buying a house in November, a month before the wedding). I think you have champagne taste on a beer budget. If I can do my wedding and reception for 30 for $2,800, you can work that out as well. A local restaurant is JUST FINE and works well for small groups. This IS a reception. Just because you didn't hire a hall and there is no dancing doesn't make your reception any less valid. Good luck and congratulations! The first year or two of marriage is stressful enough without adding debt. A lot of weddings are expensive today because people just pull out the old credit card and charge it up. If they had to actually front the cash, they would rethink many of their expenditures.
2016-04-07 08:06:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I commend you on all of your efforts and responsibility. Secondly, I am worried that she has no savings and is at an adult age. Thirdly, I hope you will not be turning over the finances to her, you should have a his, hers, and our account and with that our account both your signatures should be required to cover you both. After the wedding, where do you plan to live, the church or reception hall? Unfortunately, you are going to have to take the lead. Have a beautiful wedding at either your parents home, if it can be set up as so, or a flower house, or somewhere that is very inexpensive and have a very nice reception. In this day and age and the last few weddings, there have very few people in attendance, but the reception is overflowing. It is time for your bride to grow and face reality, you have the money and she doesn't. Good luck!
2007-12-04 07:32:25 · answer #4 · answered by notnew2U 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The house, obviously, but you already know that.
Your questions seems to be how to convince your fiancee of this fact!
Ask her to choose between the fancy wedding or the house. Remind her that the wedding will only last one day, but the house she will have to live in forever!
As much as it kills you to spend money on something so frivolous, this is her lifelong dream, and if you deny her the dream wedding she will always regret it (and hold a grudge against you!).
I just hope that her logical side wins out, for both your sakes!!
If she picks the wedding, well.... you sound like a bright guy and a good saver, so you will be able to save more money for a house within a few years, right?
2007-12-04 10:39:08 · answer #5 · answered by Shana B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go for the house. In the end you need a place to stay and home ownership is a far better investment than a wedding. But it is every girls dream to have a fancy wedding. I had one, but I had a grandmother to pay for it. If I had my choice I wold have sunk that money into a house.
You are certainly not being unreasonable to want to plan for the future maybe you can meet her 1/2 way and start a savings plan with her to pay for a wedding/re commitment ceremony on your 10th anniversary .
2007-12-04 05:14:26 · answer #6 · answered by ngood10720 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Hi. Personally, I would opt for the house.
I guess I am totally different than everyone else....I NEVER dreamed of my wedding my whole life! I just had one. My wedding was comparatively small (about 75 people), but I wish that it would have been even smaller...maybe 25 people! I do NOT like attention on me.
Now for you....perhaps you two can compromise? Give her a "dream" wedding ....paid for by you....but it will be small, intimate, and cost about $3,000 tops! There are soooo many beautiful alternatives now....a romantic bed and breakfast? a small inn? a beautiful garden? someone's home?
You two need to sit down and compromise. If this can't be resolved...you WILL have other money issues...I guarantee it.
Good luck!
2007-12-04 16:36:13 · answer #7 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would opt for the house. However, since this is her first marriage, understand that most girls have dreamed about the BIG day since 4 years old (hence the princess dresses). I think you should compromise. Perhaps ask her to settle for a simple wedding so you can buy a house. Then open up a savings account and deposit a pre-determined amount each month towards a fancy 5th anniversary party.
2007-12-04 07:42:33 · answer #8 · answered by curious gal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already now the answer to the question, the house is a lot more important than a big extravagant wedding that will only last one day and not even that a few hours, yes you will build memories on your weeding day and yes women dream of their wedding day all there life, but just imagine all the great moments you two will build in your house for the rest of your lives.
2007-12-04 05:49:10 · answer #9 · answered by ...... 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We used the money for a down payment on a house. We still had a small wedding with our immediate friends and family in a church and had a small reception. We kept the costs to about $2,000. You could easily take that money out of your savings and still have enough for a decent down payment. Ask your fiance if she would rather have a huge wedding and live in an apt. forever hoping to have a place of her own, or have an intimate classy wedding and a nice house too?
2007-12-04 05:34:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I had it to do all over again --- I would take the money and run to put a down payment on a house. A big wedding may be nice but it certainly does not last for more that 6 hours. Try to reach a compromise so both of you will be happy. Good luck!
2007-12-04 05:30:10 · answer #11 · answered by ninaol 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋