How to make my parents back off im 20!!?

Question

Im 20 own my own home, work am about to graduate college. I started dating my high school boyfriend (its been about 4yrs). We are great together, engaged and he moved in with me. But my parents HATE him because they think that he will never make much $ and they are very materialistic and they think his family is under us because his mom doesnt work and are lower middle class, but live in the same neighborhood my parents house is in and theirs is even nicer! My mom just moved back to the area and is trying to stay with me to be closer to her job, but I cant tell her my bf lives with me and Im so scared shell find out, so I keep making excuses y she cant come by. Shes lived out of state for 3yrs Im not used to her being around by how can I get her to let me grow up, she is putting so much extra strain on my life because I just cant open up to her, Ive been out of the house since 17 and they treat me the same as when I lived there they act like no time has past.

Answer 1

You only have one mother....dont burn bridges...talk to her and let her know. Dont lose your mother over your boyfriend and vice versa. Who cares what she thinks, shes not with him, or marrying him...tell her that you have to make your own choice and even mistakes or you wont learn and that you love her very much, but she has to let you take control of your life. Also he is going to be in your life so she has to try to accept that, and support you a little more.....Money isnt everything....Love is everything.....Family is the best thing we've got in this world...and that is both your mother and your soon to be hubby

Answer 2

You sound like a very responsible young woman, but by lieing to your mother your still acting like a child(no offense). You need to tell her the truth because not only is it effecting your life, but I'm sure your fiance dosent want to have to move out for a while, so your mom can move in. Me and my mom bumb heads on stuff all the time. Sometimes she even stops talking to me for a while lol, but in the long run she realizes I'm an adult and I do what I think is best for me. I bet your mom is like everyother mom and will need to be reminded that your an adult. She is ur mother you dont have to be rude just say what u feel and she'll come around eventually. Then sometime down the rode she'll find something new to complain about,lol.

Answer 3

The best way to deal with your parents is to just sit them down and be honest about how you feel. I know this is going to be hard, but honesty is always best. Let them know that you love them and appreciate them, but they need to let you live your life. Remind them that you have been on your own for a while now and you have done well for yourself so far. Let them know that you know they only want what is best for you, BUT you are old enough to make your own life decisions now.
It sounds like you are a very strong person and I know that if you sit them down and say how you feel in a loving way, you will be able to work things out with them. This is probably not going to happen overnight. Remember, they had you around for seventeen years watching over you and protecting you so one conversation isn't going to release their grip. It will, however, open up their eyes a little and who knows, they might develop even more respect for as an adult because you took the time to talk to them about how you felt.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Sooner or later she will find out, so get it out of the way. I'm sure your BF doesn't like that he's "your secret", and maybe this hurts his feelings that you feel ashamed and need to hide him. Do not say you aren't ashamed, because if you we-rent, you wouldn't have a problem telling your mom whats going on. She has no say so in your life. Is this a financial thing- will she cut you off if she is giving you $? Either way, she needs to learn to respect you as th adult you are, or she never will. Let her know that you're happy she cares, but if this guy really is a mistake, then you need to learn that on your own!

Answer 5

Maybe you should grow up. You are an adult. You own your home. You have shown how responsible you are by being about to graduate college, paying your bills and living on your own. Now show yourself how mature you are by just telling your mom that she cannot come over or live with you because you have your own life and she is not part of it if she doesn`t
accept your decisions. She doesn`t have to like it but she does have to respect that the decision is yours to make.

Answer 6

It is of my opinion that a person, whether it be your mum, dad or brother, is still a person and does not make them exempt from the general rules of relationships.

The only way you can get them to back off is to be harsh, or it will not work and they will just carry on babying you, regardless of what you want.

If you hide things from people, and keep the truth out all you will end up with is a relationship that is closed off from reality, based on everything but the truth and totally surreal. You shouldn't have that kind of relationship with your mum.

Let her know how you feel. Work out why she acts like this and try and compromise.

Answer 7

So tell your parents he lives with you. I thought my parents would take it the wrong way when I moved in with my girlfriend (we had been dating 2 years), but they accepted it with a couple caviots, first, be careful (they didn't want grandkids too soon), second was the question "are you sure?"
After I explained to then that we are getting engaged and that we just want to make sure by living together first, they accepted it.

Answer 8

Just tell them you are moving in together. If you are completely financial independent then there is nothing they can say (or use against you). Be as honest as possible so they get it and don't leave any room for questions. It may be scary but it will make your life so much better when they all know.

Answer 9

your answer is really already in your question, you need to growup and develope a backbone, he is living with you and you are scared of her finding out, you should have told her while she was long distance, but you didnt so now let's do some damage control, and this is going to be hard but way overdo so let's get started, and your parents are your problem not his, so you get to do this alone, he dosen't need to hear the nasty things that might be said when she is hot, and she might regret them later and then the damage will have been done in his feelings, to start with you need to talk to her calmly in her home[ that way if she wants to act like a baby your options are to walk away but it's doubtful she will leave] and tell her this is how it is going to be and it is not up for debate.tell her MOM I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND VALUE YOUR OPINION WHEN I ASK FOR IT, BUT I AM AN ADULT and i am going to run my own life, and make my own mistakes, these are my decisions and i will live with the consequences, i love him and his family and when you downgrade them you are in effect downgrading me and my judgement, and i want to be able to come to you and talk to you but your attitudes will not allow me to do this as i feel i'm being judged and treated like a 12 year old i love you and as long as you respect me my boyfriend, his family and my judgement you are welcome in my home, but if you can't respect all of those things than you are not, that dosent mean i love you less but i have to do these things for myself, and there are far more important things than money and stuff. his family is just as good as ours and i love them too and want to have everyone love and respect everyone else and this goes for your father too, and use the i word as much as possible because that makes it more about you and your feelings and makes them less defensive. AND AS FOR YOU YOUNG LADY, this means that you cannot go to your parents and whine and *****, and complain about the things that go on in your relationship to your parents, and i'll tell you why, cause when you talk about the problems in your relationship with the folks all they hear is that their little girl is being made unhappy, and then you 2 make up and all is right in the world for you 2 but now your parents have a lowered opinion than they had of him, they dont have the make up sex, so talk to your partner, your girlfriends but not your parents. THE ONLY EXCEPTION TO THIS IS if you are being abused or you feel in danger. you also need to tell them that they did a good job of raising their daughter [even if you think otherwis] you have very good judgement and have come a long way in just 20 years, you own your own home, work and are about to graduate college so you have got your life on track and by the sounds of it boy do you ,this is all about setting boundries now that you are an adult, so dont back down that dosent mean you love them any less, they can only treat you in that way if you let them and continue to play the little girl that is afraid to tell her parents the truth, what are they going to do ground you, time to become a full adult

Answer 10

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