Would you ditch your mom?

Question

I am 32 and never get to spend time with my mom. She spends plently of time with my brother who lives there, and my sister who just moved out after living there about 2 years. I have a 19 month old and a baby on the way. I'm sick of waiting for her to be a good grandmother and mom. I've seen her one on one for two days out of the last year. (She lives in the same town as me). If I don't go out of my way, she would never make the effort. And talking to her isn't going to get me anywhere. Would you ditch your mom in this situation? I come from a single parent home.

By the way, my sister will be 35 years old this month, and brother is 30.

Sorry for the confusion. Its not the live-in time I'm upset about. Its when they go places and on trips on the weekends and holidays, her free time spent outside of work and the house. Also, my brother and sister have lived outside the parental home, just made mistakes and have ended up back at the parents'.

Answer 1

Personally I would.

I mean if she cant meet you half way (50/50 - once you visit her and once she visits you) say Tootaloo...

but tell her how you feel...or send her a card saying

'thanks for caring so much'

leave it at that and wait until she decides to reciprocate some ounce of emotion.

Answer 2

Don't ditch her. I understand that you feel under valued and you wished she would take more interest in you and your family, but in this case, ditching her isn't the answer . If you've already tried talking to her, and that didn't work, it's not likely she's gonna change. Visit her when it's convenient for you, but don't go out of your way to accommodate her if she isn't making any effort. Your mom is the way she is. All you can do is try to accept that. Each time you set an expectation for her behavior, you are going to be disappointed. She just doesn't have the capacity for whatever reason to love you the way you want her to, so stop trying to get milk from the hardware store. Get your milk elsewhere and when you need tools then see your mom..

Answer 3

There are different issues going on her. You are blaming your Mom for spending more time with your siblings who live with her. Of course she spends more time with them, how can she not? You also have to realize that in those two relationships, it doesn't take any effort on your mom's part. If it did, maybe she wouldn't be any closer to them either.

The relationship with grandparents and grand children is a two way street. Have you done your share to visit her, invite her over and keeping her updated on your children's accomplishments and lives? I'm not saying you should do it all, but 50% of the responsibility is yours.

If you feel you have done your share or more, then you need to have a talk with your Mom and let her know how upset and disappointed you are and how you feel she needs to make more of an effort before you just "ditch," her.

She will probably just get mad and deny it all but at least then she can't act like she didn't know.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

She may see your moving away as a rejection of her, and she may not want to step on your toes.

Have you made an effort to include her, to let her know she is wanted and welcomed? If not, then the ball is in your court. If you have, then maybe some distance will let her be the one to reach out.

She is still your mom, and like all of us, she has her strengths and weaknesses, her limitations. She sounds like a caring person, but perhaps one limited by time, resources or eve ncomfortability. As some people get older, they are less likely to venture out of familiar places/conditions. This can start happening at almost any age.

Your mom is your only mom. She in irreplaceable. Unless she has committed a horrendous wrong, she deserves the benefit of the doubt, even if your perception and hers of your relationship may not mesh at the moment.

Answer 5

Dont do anything of that sort.There may be good reasons for her such attitude,which we are not aware of.But remember,a mother is a mother.Think of the pain and suffering she has undergone in bringing you all up.Since you are a mother yourself you better know.There might be some compulsive reasons for her not visiting you.Maybe she thinks you are better off then your brother and sister.Maybe she doesnt find time.Maybe.....Secondly,by ditching your mom what example you will be leaving to your own kids?As you sow so you reap.Even if your mom is at fault,doesnt mean that you should also act that way.

Answer 6

No, I wouldn't ditch her. No matter what, she is still your mom. Everyone has faults, but that is not enough to ditch her. My dad is not a very good dad either. He has been addicted to cocaine for about 10 years now. It destroyed me and my brothers lives. We lost everything when we were younger. We had to go from shelter to shelter. Now we are older and smarter. It actually helped us to be better and stronger people. Me and my brothers decided to join the Military and never be like our father. But, we did forgive him and we go see him all the time. We don't put our full trust in him but, we still love him. He is still our dad, no matter what. Remember: there is a reason for everyone that is a part of your life. Maybe there is something that your mother can show you that no one can. Even if it is hard to deal with her.

Answer 7

Carry on having a relationship with all concerned but especially your kids. Learn from what your mother is doing and have no FAVORITES. It hurts to be the outsider!!!! Love your mum anyway. Your kids will learn to love from you!!!!! What you do for and to your mum will come back to you. If you are a praying person then take all the pain to God and say exactly how hurt you feel to him. That's what I would do. The other is to establish a good relationship with your kids' other gran mother.... you never know what gold might be in that relationship!!!!!!

Above all, forgive and live your life regardless, do not dwell on the pain of now, one day your attitude will reap great rewards!

Answer 8

Are you loopy? you're so fortunate to have a mom who cares approximately you. What do you think of ought to ensue to you in case you get trashed? Come on, awaken and scent the refried beans. Love is the respond, that's frequently the respond. do no longer make the stupid mistake of dumping on actual love for the fake "relaxing" of having wasted. in case you ditch your mom you will harm her deeply. Oh, and in case you get pregnant, or seize some STD once you're there, who do you think of is going to hold the duty for that? no longer your mom, sweetheart. That relaxing burden is all yours.

Answer 9

How do you know talking to her won't get you anywhere unless you try it? Your mom isn't a mindreader, she doesn't know what you need or how important it is to you unless you spell it out to her. She might not know how to reach out to you or what sort of help you would appreciate.
So tell her how important it is to you that she be a part of your life and your children's lives liek she is with your siblings. Suggest that she come over once a week to spend time with you and help baby-sit while you catch up on chores or whatever.

Family is important, especially once you have two kids and need all the help you can get. Don't cut her out of your life or give up on her unless you have a serious reason for doing so (abuse, toxic behavior, etc).

Answer 10

Some relationships aren't 50/50 but that doesn't mean that they aren't worthwhile. Make the effort more often and maybe she'll start taking the initiative. It takes work to build a bond. It's your mom, don't neglect the relationship completely.