Is it wrong to disown a family member?

Question

About 4 months a go my cousin asked if he could borrow some money from me. He asked for $300. He said that he would pay it back to me with in 2 months. I gave him the $300, but he hasn't given me any of the money back. I'm 20 years old, & I recently enlisted in the United States Army. I've decided that as soon as I leave for basic training I'm just not going to see or speak to him any more. I'm going to pretend that he isn't a member of my family. Do you think I'm making the right decision?

My cousin is 6 years older then me.

Answer 1

You've learned a hard lesson about not loaning money to friends & family. Money complicates things, and should be restricted to purely business relationships, not to personal relationships. If you loan to family, you should be willing to make the money a gift and never see it again.

You need to talk with your cousin and let him know that he needs to pay the money back immediately. Let him know that this is really putting a strain on your relationship with him, because you don't feel you can trust him if he can't keep his word. Tell him that if he can't return the full amount to you by the time you leave for basic training, then for your own peace of mind you have to sever the relationship and you can't consider him family anymore.
Remind him that he does have other family members to borrow from or personal items he can sell in order to pay you back. Also, suggest a way he can pay you back non-monetarily; doing chores for you, washing your car, etc.

Just ignoring him is passive-aggressive and unproductive. You have to communicate to him exactly what you expect and need.

Answer 2

I can totally understand feeling upset about being made a fool and being taken advantage of. Chances are though you will have a better chance of recovering on your loan if you stay in touch. Maybe you could tell him that you need the money soon because you are leaving. I say to stick it out and at least try to get the money back. If your relationship with him isn't that good and nothing good is coming out of it then I think its fine to decide not necessarily to disown him, but to have no reason to keep him as a core person in your life. You know the saying "you can't choose your relatives", well you can't so the best you can do is learn from this. In the future consider a cash loan a donation and don't expect it to be paid back at all, many people lose friends and family over money - its just not a good practice to give money as a loan to people close to you. Learn what you can and you decide if the cousinship is worth salvaging.

Answer 3

Money comes and money goes, you will never be able to replace your family. Maybe being upset with him for a while is okay, but you need to realize that if you lended him the money in the first place you cared for him, you dont just stop caring about someone because they made a mistake. Life is too short to hold grudges. Maybe he just has not gotten the money yet to pay you back. Things happen and people will let you down. But you have to learn from this, if you expect to get paid back every time you lend something out, your in the wrong world. Dont let people borrow things if they cant repay you. If you cant trust someone, then dont give them your everything.Sorry thats just how the world goes round. People expect things, but usually will take advantage of you. You just have to be the bigger person, and let it go...Like I said life does not last forever!!!

Answer 4

No...I think this is a bad idea! I know money is tough sometimes...but it's $300....not $3000 or $30000. SOME young people are irresponsible with money...mostly because they have not been taught to be responsible! Don't disown him...just take this as a life lesson and don't loan him the money unless you make clear arrangements with him in advance on how it is to be repaid. In fact, I like to offer to let close friends or family "work off" money they borrow...IN ADVANCE. For instance....tell them that you need help around the house or moving something or painting, re-decorating...whatever....and when they help you complete the task...give them the money. That saves you from having to pay labor or someone else to help you!

Answer 5

Ummm...no you are not making the right decision. I understand you are angry about the money but there are alot worse things in the world than that. You are going into the Army and you will be risking your life for your country. Why wouldnt you want all your family members to be supporting you instead of having one person in your life who you dont speak to over some lousy money. Think about it some more and I bet you will think change your mind.

Answer 6

Thats a bit harsh...
Being 18 yrs old, i understand how $300 can be a whopping amout to us younger ppl ( i mean, thats like 1 month rent there). But perhaps you need to sit down and talk to him. he may have a good reason, or perhaps he is waiting to see if you will ask for it.
If you need the money badly go to a small claims court. But remember, there may be a time one day when you need his help, so think hard about burning that bridge.

Answer 7

No you shouldn't disown him, especially not over such a small amount of money.

He may have his faults but doesn't everybody?

What you should have done is start off with smaller amounts of money, it's what I do, to test if they are prepared to pay you back or not.

I would suggest sitting down with him one day and discussing his life with him, because he is clearly in need of help if he is borrowing money from his own family and not returning it. Sit down with him, discuss what is wrong in his life, why he needs to borrow money etc, what he can do to better his situation and why he has to do it.

You can't just choose not to have a family member, but you can choose to help them out and show that you care enough to make an effort to help improve their life. Not by just throwing money at them, but teaching them how to deal with things on his own.

Answer 8

A good rule of thumb when dealing with family: Go ahead and lend them the money if they are in need, but consider it a gift. If you cannot consider it a gift, don't give it to them. That way, money is never a factor in family relationships. You should not cut off ties with your cousin if you are close. He may not have the money to pay you back, but in the future, he may be there to help in a way that really counts.

Answer 9

You don't say how old your cousin is. I assume he is near your age.
If somebody did that to me (and somebody has) I would obviously never lend money to him again. I would tell him calmly that you trusted him and he has betrayed your trust. Tell him it shows bad character. Tell him it makes you feel bad about him. Then let it go. Don't socialize with him if you don't want to. When you see him, be polite but that's all. Maybe he will return the money later, with interest. If he does, you can reevaluate whether you want to be friends with him. But if he is much older than you, he knew exactly what he was doing. That would make me really cautious about ever reconciling with him.
Learn a lesson from this. Don't lend money. It makes for bad feelings. If you can afford to and want, give the money as a gift. You don't have to lend to anybody.

Answer 10

Have you said anything to him regarding the loan?

If you feel $300 is worth kissing off a relationship with your cousin, then so be it.
But I'm sure when your in the war zone in Iraq and looking around at the amount of destruction, or even watching one of your buddies die, you'll reconsider what is more important.