Ok I've been with my bf for 10 months now we're both 24 and I love him so much. He asked my dad for permission to propose to me and was turned down . My dad said we'll have to talk to our daughter and we'll get back to you. Well 2 1/2 weeks later my bf asked him what he decided and yet again he said all this crap.
So later that night my parents came to talk to me about this. They are SO against this because he is a sick person he has really low blood pressure from a diease called POTS and just recently has gotten a good job that he can work. My parents are having a cow about this. They think he'll never get better and I'll be stuck in a crappy marriage and be taking care of him for ever. I know in my heart that its not going to be that way since we've been together he's getting better and our prayers have been answered. My parents still wont except this. He makes me so happy and I love him so much and I've told them this over and over and now they have my whole family and even some of
2007-12-04 03:58:42 · 32 answers · asked by Blondie<3 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
my church members try and talk me out of being with him.
He's trying so hard to do anything he can and refuses to make our lives hard due to his sickness.
I do want to marry him but when my parents dont accept this it makes things so hard and I start to question us.
Please help me. I cant talk to anyone else that would be easy to talk to or that would not start fighting with me over this.
Thanks !!!!! and God Bless!
2007-12-04 04:00:19 · update #1
Ok all these ppl sit here and say youve only known him for 10 months WHO CARES. my mom knew her 3rd husband for like 6 weeks and he asked her to marry him and she said yes and they are happier then ever and he married into 3 step kids a daughter-in-law and a grandson. So I say true love is true love marry who you want to marry sickness or not that doesnt change the fact that you love him. My mom's second husband got sick with stomach cancer it was hard but made their love grow even more and he later died. My mom has never been divorced. But if you ask her if she would change anything shell tell you no cause even though my step dad was sick they had my little brother with helps ease pain. Love is love. I dont know if you believe in movies coming true but in A walk to remember (i think thats what it is) the girl is sick and he loves her still no matter what people say and they marry and everyone else realized what they really have. Its your life not anyone elses you love him he loves you your parents cant stop you from doing what you want. I say the sooner the better cause if he is really really sick then you might not have a lot of time to love and be married and its better to be married and lose a loved one then to regret ever not marrying. Just my thoughts on that though.
2007-12-04 18:29:27 · answer #1 · answered by Bride 9-20-08 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You're both 24 and independent, so you don't need anyone's permission to get married. Once you are an adult, your parents don't get to make your decisions for you - especially decisions as important as whether or not to get married. I mean no disrespect to your parents, but you're not a child anymore. Neither is your boyfriend.
I would encourage you to stay with this man if you truly love him and want to spend your life with him. However, before you commit, get as much information as you possibly can about his illness. Be sure that you fully understand the disease and its implications for his life and yours. Make sure that your decision is an informed one. A medical reason is absolutely not sufficient reason to not marry him.
The big concern, in my opinion, is the fact that you have only been together for 10 months. For some people that's enough time, for others it's not. Go ahead and get engaged, but wait another year to get married.
All the best to you.
EDIT: Thank you, Sharon! I totally agree with you about the tradition of asking 'permission'. Insulting. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks so. :-)
2007-12-04 05:14:09 · answer #2 · answered by SE 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I know parents always mean well, and sometimes they try to help but end up hurting you in the process. I would try to sit them down just the three of you and ask them exactly why they are against your marriage. Seems to me if you BF is getting better and he has a steady job, there is more to their refusall then they are letting on. And just keep praying about it if this marriage is what God wants it will happen with or without your parents blessing. Take care and keep praying
2007-12-04 05:33:20 · answer #3 · answered by Val 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You have to make a choice. you are 24 years old and supposed to be an adult. YOU have control over your life. If you parents can't accept that this guy makes you happy then (no offense) but screw them. Even if parents aren't entirely happy, they should see that this person makes you happy and accept them. My advice is tell your parents you love him no matter what they say and you are marrying him. You would love for them to be there, but if they aren't you are still getting married, with or without their blessing.
The tradition of asking for a father's permission goes back to when the girl was sold with her dowry. Today, most guys ask for a parents BLESSING not their PERMISSION because in today's society woman aren't owned by men. You are free to do what you want. Focus on your new life with him, not the life you might be leaving behind
2007-12-04 04:56:48 · answer #4 · answered by Molly SH 4 · 3⤊ 3⤋
Your parents are worried and it's only natural. When I met my husband he had vasculitis and I have been very sick lately as well. It's harder than you can imagine taking care of somebody who is infirm......not only in finances but the drain it takes on your bodies, emotions and your time.
Your parents are probably worried that you are going to rope yourself into being old before your time and miss out on the fun period in life changing bandages and making runs the the pharmacy. I didn't have a choice and would never wish this on anybody.
10 months in general is a pretty short time to be together and really get to know and you said his recession and new job are pretty recent. Perhaps you can make a deal with your family. You will get engaged now but wait a year or two before the wedding to show that his health has really returned and financially you will be fine. In the meantime volunteer at the hospital on the cancer floor with terminally ill patients so you get a real taste of what you are in for. If after all that you are still ready for marriage to this guy then I don't think ANYBODY could object.
You can marry him now, it's your life. But marriage is SO much easier when you have the support and love of your families behind you.
2007-12-04 04:11:39 · answer #5 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 9⤊ 3⤋
So you are 24, an adult. You are not a child anymore. Sit them down rationally and tell them that you know what you are doing and are getting married. They can deal with it.
By asking their permission and sulking and crying over it like a child, you are still acting like a child so this is why they are still treating you like one.
Be an adult. Move out, get a job. Be your own person and get married. Of course you will probably be financing your own wedding but hey, most of us do that these days.
They will come around. Especially when they realise how grown up about it you are. For now they are still thinking they can manipulate you.
Good luck
2007-12-04 08:00:39 · answer #6 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
First ask your self are you wanting to merrier him because of or in spite of his illness? If it is in spite of and you want to because you love him then do it anyways. But be prepared for the worse.
As for your parents you need to sit them down and let them now why you want to marry him. They have a valid point but so do you. They sound like they love you and want the best. But what they want is not always whats best.
Ask your self.... if he was to die the day after would you do it again if given the chance if you without a any pause can answer yes than get married with or with out there blessing. You may have to show and not tell them to make them under stand.
2007-12-04 06:38:55 · answer #7 · answered by crissypeach 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your parents are right.
It's because you haven't dated long enough. A mature couple would know that you need a good year and a half to two years of dating to make sure they are a suitable match. You two are probably still just in the lovey-dovey stage.
And in general, just realize that your parents have your best interests at heart. Marrying someone will serious illness is a huge responsibility.
2007-12-05 01:54:28 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow! They know in sickness and in health are in the vows right? Marriage isn't easy, everyone knows that, it's about compromise and working things out. If he has a nice job, can support himself, you support yourself, then it's going to work out. Seems like there is some sort of medication for this disease, so there ya go. BTW, you are 24...I mean, you could marry him, you are an adult. I don't know if you think you need their permission, but you can marry him no matter what.
2007-12-04 10:56:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I agree that you should wait longer before you get married. But you should definitely stand by him and love him. If anything him being sick should want you to stay if you truly do love him. And if he loves you he will be willing to wait a little longer to get your parents approval after they've gotten to know him longer. But, you have to remember too, your parents can't decide everything for you in your life. You are 24 years old and if even after more time they don't agree with your marrying him it's time then to make an adult decision yourself.
2007-12-04 07:01:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋