What's a safe response when a woman asks if I think she's getting fat?

Question

I don't want to lie but I don't want to hurt her feelings either. I definitely don't want to get in the middle of a lot of drama over it. If I believe a woman is fat, how do I answer them honestly without causing a problem? I've found that even if they say they won't get mad if I'm honest doesn't help. They often will get mad anyway. My current solution is to just avoid answering question like that. I also worry about stirring up some kind of eating disorder. I'm looking for some ideas, please help.

Answer 1

Avoidance is always good, if you can carry it off. The point is to be careful. No is always a good answer, too. Females who do this stuff (I NEVER do) aren't looking for an honest answer, they're looking for reassurance. You can also try saying "You know, asking people that always puts them in a bad spot because no matter what they say it's wrong. Stop asking me that.", or "I'm not comfortable answering questions like that because I always end up getting yelled at no matter what my answer is. Don't ask me that anymore." You have to mean what you say and don't answer, no matter what. Walk away if you have to! You can't "stir up" an eating disorder from one answer.

Answer 2

I think it's important to get to the reason the person has asked the question, and then respond to that. My guess is that when a woman asks this question, she probably wants to know one of two things: (1) that she is (still) attractive to you and (2) that she is valuable. You should be able to validate both of these reasons without coming across as superficial with answering sincerely something like, "You're beautiful."

I think it's very wonderful that you are concerned about stirring up an eating disorder. I think the best way to avoid this is to make it clear to the woman involved that you love her and value her, and that this is not based on her looks in any way.

See Lottie's answer above. She is right on.

Answer 3

I am a woman and I think you should be honest. If she's asking you then she already knows the truth. NEVER ask a question you don't want to know the answer. In reality what she is REALLY asking is if you still think she's beautiful and desirable. So just say, you have gained some weight but you are not fat. But you are still a hotass and I love how you look. That will make her happy and most likely she will start exercising more but not obsessively.

Answer 4

Is this your girlfriend/wife? if not, then you shouldn't really care. If she is, then the following is relevant:

The truth doesn't matter here. If she asks "am I getting fat?"
THE ONLY answer is a resounding "Absolutely not!". You DO NOT say this is just your opinion, you absolutely NEVER say "it doesn't matter to me, I love/like anyway",

You see, what counts here is not the truth, or even for you to feel good about your answer. The point here is that she should feel good about your answer. She's only asking this in the first place to find out if you are still attracted to her, or to just get some good feeling about herself - every woman likes to feel beautiful, even when she say she doesn't.

Did you get that? When your woman asks you "am I getting fat" what she means, is that she wants your instictive objective opinion, and that should ALWAYS be "NO!".

so just suck it up. This isn't about you, this one is about her. Never tell her she looks fat, and never give her any reason to believe otherwise, until she shows it's okay to do so.

So much for part A.
When she says something like this too often, what she might mean is that she would like more attention from you. Don't ask her about it, just give her more attention. And not just conversation. She probably wants to feel she's still attractive.

Answer 5

There is pretty much no good answer to this question. You might try something evasive like "You look beautiful to me!"

A lot of women use this line on guys as a bait for a compliment. Real women know if they are putting on weight and do not need to fish for compliments because they are filled with self-confidence. If you are in a love relationship with this woman, use the kind approach. If she is someone else, be direct. Yup, your butt's getting ready to apply for its own zip code. Good luck!

Answer 6

What a nice question.
A woman who asks you if she's fat, is looking for reassurance, not current weight. She knows the number, believe me. She examines every bump, every wrinkle and keeps a running tab on how many times you make a smart *** remark about her body.They add up till she hates you for not loving her as is, warts and all. Don't go there.
She is feeling insecure for some reason. She wants to know that fat or thin you won't leave her, and you think she is wonderful. YOu love her for her, not her butt-size .
All of us need that reassurance sometimes. Men say, "I got a new car" for the same reason. Or "you seen my tattoo"?
Don't answer the question, answer the need.
Say, You look GREAT to me!
Or Say, "if you think so, then let's exercise together."
Or say "I love you just the way you are. Over time, the outsides will change, but my feelings for you never will."
It is NOT your job to watch her weight or to be her critic. Even if she thinks it is. Even if she thinks she can critcize you. Don't do it.
It is your job to love and accept her warts and all, bumps and all, just as she loves you (bald spot and paunch included).
If your love and tenderness is based on a tight butt, and perky boobs, you do not love HER but a doll that is not going to ever change. It is lust masquerading as love.
Good luck staying the course.
Tell her you are not interested in being her fat police. You want to be her lover. She is her own fat police, and if she feels fat, to fix it for herself, not for you.
YOU are in charge of your own gut and baldness. No one else has a say.
Truth has nothing to do with it, it is perception.

Answer 7

ROFL! Poor guys, us women are so complicated huh? It does my heart good to see men squirm...it's not so much to ask, you all got out child birth right? LOL! :)

Just kidding! :)

There is no right answer to most of the questions that we ask you. If we love you though, you can say how you really feel. We might get pissed off but we wont ask you the question again unless we really want an honest answer.

However, faking it is a good idea, we have our girlfriends to tell us the truth, we want you to make us feel good. ;)

Answer 8

Put it back on her
Say "Do you think you are getting fat, you would know better than anyone"

If she says yes, then say "I think you look beautiful, but if you are concerned about it lets start exercising together so we can both feel great about ourselves"

My boyfriend said this to me and it actually made me feel great because I realized there was something I could do if I didnt like feeling ths way anymore and we have been going to the gym together.

Answer 9

First of all, a sane and sensible woman would never ask that question unless its to her husband.
That being said, if its a skinny girl asking, she's fishing for a compliment.
If its an overweight girl asking, she knows she's overweight and will know you're lying. Try:

"You don't look much different than last month, why, are you doing something different?"

Answer 10

there isnt a safe response
if you tell the truth your gonna be in the dog house for months
one idea ive had was to point out large people on tv and say they must weight about 20 stone wheres the weighting scales i gotta check im not that big ,then i hope they take the biscuit