How to make my Brother start working? and earning?

Question

well I have a brother... who dont want to work at all
he is 36yr old now, married with one boy and girl, but doesnt work, earn money, my mom gets pension he lives on it

he is an electritian, drinks, smokes, spents lavishly other's money, has got good relations with local people, into politics, helps people a lot, kind hearted, very religious...

I am worried about him, I want him to work and earn for the family, what he will do when my old mom dies? why should he live on someone else charity?

I advised him, argued with him, gave money to him for business, but all are in vain.. can any one help how can I make him want to work and earn?

Answer 1

I am glad you worry for your brother, but of what use is it, you want him to work, it is something you want but not him, he has to realize this on his own, it has to be his want and not yours. So stop being guilty,
He is able to take care of himself on his own by being dependent, and he will continue to do so till all the resources are over, but he is going to suffer later, which he is not seeing. HE is consuming everything around him including the good will of people, and people will give him because he is trying to moralize things by being religious, YOu on your part dont have to help him, we are all responsible for our own lives, YOur brother has come to realize that he can get what he wants and there are people who are falling for his demands, this is his way of life, and it is his choice, First of all for him to wake up, all those who help him financiallly have to stop supporting his behavior, Can your mother do this?? Can you stop helping him financially?? Until his financial resources are not plugged he will not find the need to work for himself and provide for his family.
For a person to be dependent the main cause is the family. IN a way all of you have contributed for what he is today, love is no promoting dependence, it is promoting independence. So he learns to respect himself, He is helping others just to get some help for himself. I amsure he cannot help others financailly, it sonly lip service. For change to happen first you all have to change. Tell your self that from this day not a paisa will be given to him, but only lip service, not even standing as a guarantor for any loans. Tell him the good things inlife do not come free. It needs hard work, since everything comes free for him he is unable to appreciate things, we all value things better when we work towards something in life.

IN the near future, your brothers associates will lose trust in him and when he has crossed 50 he is going ot be depresed and lonely and blame everyone around for his failure. I wonder how he is managing liquor, family and expenses, is your mother;s pension a big fat packet???
Do nothing for him on your part, first you have to be strong hearted, he will manipulate you but do not give in, if your give in tell yourself you have enabled him to sustain his behavior.

Answer 2

Well, you can't make anyone do anything. You can suggest, encourage, reason with him etc.., It sounds like you have already done all of that.
I would go from a respect angle. Tell him that you have lost all respect for him for not working, supporting himself and his family and being a man. It is pathetic that a grown man is living off his mother's tiny pension.
The other thing is that if he is spending up all your mother's money, it is actually elder abuse. You can report this to adult protective services.
Talk with your Mom, she needs to lay down the law too. In the long run, she isn't helping him. She will eventually pass away and then what will your brother do? She needs to help him learn to stand on his own two feet now.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

Its pretty simple, i think. Don't enable him, and ask others not to enable him as well ( might be hard if he is politically influential, tho)
Cut his money supply off immediately. You and your mother are enabling him. Why would he change if everything is handed to him? Grief, im 18, and my parents told me that I'd be paying rent to live in their house. That's how you teat him. If he is part of the family, he helps the family financially. period.

Despite the fact that he seems to be a somewhat good person, he is being incredibly selfish. If your mother is past, or close to retiring age she needs that pension. Where is he going to get the money to put his son through college? Does he have medical insurance in case he gets sick? What example is he showing his kid?

Bottom line is cut that money off. Give him some notice, and then that's that. If he cares for his family he will get a job so they ain't on the street. It will be hard, but over-all its the best thing for him. Don't fall for his begging and stay strong. Hopefully that will get his 36year old behind off the couch and into the real world.

Answer 4

I agree with Deb W, the best way to help your brother is to have a conversation with your mother, make her understand that not only it's selfish of him to take advantage of her, but she's enabling him to live as a freeloader, and if she loves her grand kids she need to be strong and set an ultimatum, a dateline to when is going to be the last time she gives him money so he better start working because his kids are going to need food, etc.
Also, how can he proclaims to be religious when he lacks in being a good father and a good son?

Answer 5

Get your Mom to kick him out on his as s so he HAS TO WORK! As long as you and your Mom keep babying him, why should he get a job? It's called tough love, use it! You talk like he's a great guy, but he takes advantage of his family and friends and what about the kids, where is the money to take care of the family he made? He's a looser and a user and you need to see him for what he is! Sorry, but it's the only way to help him, otherwise you enable him to continue this way!

Answer 6

we've got a few of those in our family also. The problem is with Mom. There is nothing you can do except counsel your mom to stop helping him. One brother only got it together AFTER his mom died. The other one is in the process of getting it together as his mom also died recently and left him high and dry.

Don't fret over his future, but worry about his poor kids. And make it clear that after mom goes, he's on his own. I guarantee he will start looking for a substitute mommy right after the funeral.

I'd say, stay as far away from the situation as possible.

Answer 7

your brother is a hypocrite. If he were a religious man he'd be working. "If you will not work you will not eat" is a biblical principle. Everytime he is given money that he has not worked for his lazy, selfish lifestyle is encouraged. Simple answer: Stop funding his bad habits. I know you're likely concerned for his kids, but they'll be alright. If the kids have needs such as clothes, school supplies, toiltetries then buy those things for them, but don't funnal any cash into that house.

I hope your brother shapes up soon.

Answer 8

I'm 15 almost 16 and is having a hard time finding a job i put a app. in subway the get people that are 15 and up so maybe he can try that

Answer 9

Take a fish out of water and he can't breathe. Have eveyone stop giving him money so he has to earn it for himself. It's a hard love but it's a last resort. Your poor mother should be enjoying things for helself she's given your brother enough for 36 years. Time to grow up. Plus how does his wife feel about it? I'd be mad.

Answer 10

you say he is very religious?i find that hard to believe.ask him what the bible says about a man who will not work. slothfullness is one of the seven deadly sins. if he is living off your mom, not trying to work and have his own place, not supporting his children ,spending others money, as a christian i can tell you, God is not smiling. nor do i feel he has a good heart. i see him more as a manipulative heart.its easy to be nice to people who are paying your way in life.