Mother and daughter?

Question

My mother left me and my sister about 9 months ago. She pretty much emotionally scarred me for life. She left her kids for drugs and a bunch of other stuff. She hasnt talked to me in months. Now all of a sudden she wants to come back into my life and be the mother that she will never be.....I cant even talk to her without crying because she hurt me so bad....I dont know if i should let her try to be a mom to me or should i just keep living my life without her?

Answer 1

Forgive her. its gonna be the hardest thing you can ever do but shes your mom. if she dose it again or keeps doing drugs then tell her you cant deal with her lifestyle and that you are not gonna be part of her life. and then that's when you go on with your life without her. just take care of yourself and your sister.

Answer 2

When I was 15 years old, my 16 year old sister ran away from home because of the constant verbal abuse by my mother. A month after, my mom had abandoned my father and I for her first love from over 20 years ago. They were apart for eight months.

The day after she moved back in she swiped all of my vicodin (had kidney problems) and within three days a month's supply of my medicine was gone and then took 200 dollars from me and never paid it back. We never got along since then and my father kept taking her side. Needless to say, I lived in hell and misery until I was 19. It got to the point where I ended up running out in the middle of the night just like my sister.

It was a sad experience, but the truth is some people never change. However, you should try forgiving her and giving her another chance but don't make yourself completely vulnerable. She has a lot of making up to do but she deserves the chance to make things right with you. Everyone makes mistakes, but it's her decision if she wants to clean up her act.

No matter what happens though, you're going to be alright in the long run.

Answer 3

Do not let her into your life unless she is clean and sober.
First she has to go into a live-in rehab program. You can visit her there and attend family meetings while she is there. If she graduates from the program clean and sober, you can visit with her now and then. But I would be extremely cautious about letting her back into the house. If she was so bad that she left her family, it will take time for her to recover enough that you can partly trust her, if you ever can.
Meanwhile, whether or not you reconcile with your mother, I hope you and your sister have been attending Alanon or Alateen meetings (depending on your age) or similar meetings, to help you live better and understand what has happened in your life. As you said, it affects you for life. These meetings can help you make healthy changes, so that you can go on to lead a healthy life. This is your most important task now, not worrying about your mother.

Answer 4

Regardless, one thing you cannot change is she is your mother. She did give birth to you. I kinda have the same experience with my father. He disowned me for marrying a black man. If he was to ever want to have a relationship with me again. I would see how it went. Of course, it would take some time. But eventually it will get better. If you had more good times then bad with your mother, then I definitely would give it a chance. Just think....there are so many people that are not even given a second chance to see their parents again. You are fortunate enough to get that chance. I say try to work it out with her.

Answer 5

U got lot of trouble when yr mother and sister left u. U areannoyed with themwhich is justified. By controlling yr emotional angryness, if they improve upon and become responsible members of family, u will get joy for life. It is up to u to give them a chance or let them goback to hell where they were.If they donot turn back to associate yr family, u will never forgive yr self for this act.

Answer 6

No one knows this answer but you. Only you know how much she hurt you and whether you feel you can ever trust her again or not.
In my book, trust is earned. She would really have to prove to me that she is clean, sober, responsible and sincere about really trying to be different. Even then, I would be very hesitant and reluctant.
Bottom line, sweetie, take care of yourself because if you don't no one else will.
Good Luck!

Answer 7

Put yourself first and do what is right and safe for you and your sister.

IF you have any need for your mother, take control. Decide what you will accept, tell her and STICK TO IT. Maybe you will only want to visit with her twice a month in a public place. If you do let her in take it slow. She left, she has to earn your trust and respect all over again.

Answer 8

Wow, I feel you. If you don't restart your relationship, then I feel that you will suffer from it. However, she can't expect to be able to waltz into your life and be who she was before all this stuff happened. Just let her know that you want to have a relationship with her, but it has to be on different terms than before. Stay strong, and write if you just want to talk about it. I'm [e-mail].

Answer 9

I am tired of people saying she is your mom so do it. I had a similar situation with my mom. Not quite as bad. She would tell me to leave and she would get so mad at me. Them if i left and stayed at my dad's or somewhere she would say all you wanrt to do is leave me. You need to do what is good for you. Because the position I was put in I was going to go CRAZY!!!! You don't want to do that to yourself!!!

Answer 10

Just remember that people make mistakes. If it would mean a lot to you to have her in your life, then do your best to get to know her again, just don't get too close. That way if it happens again, maybe it won't hurt as much.