I'm a single mom of three. My ex's grandma pass away lastnight. The ex hasn't paid any support for the last five months and none of my kids have anything black or dressy to wear. His side of the family would be upset if we didn't show or if we didn't dress up. Would it be bad if we show up in causal clothes? Plus, the ex wouldn't fork out any money either.
2007-12-04 02:50:33 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
YES, I have been to funerals and yes in the pass I have dress up but times are very hard and I have NO MONEY! Wow! People can be so mean! I'm starting to think what does it matter what you wear just has long you show your respect!
2007-12-04 03:10:57 · update #1
as long as you and the kids are neat and clean there shouldnt be a problem. If they don't know your situation than don't bother telling them its not their business. The fact that you are there paying your respect should and is enough. A clean polo shirt (just have them wear school uniform if they have it) and clean khakis is enough. its not about what they have on at all. Even if you just show up and sit in the back or sign the guestbook and leave, the fact that you came is all that matters. If the ex gets offended to bad, he could have helped, or atleast taken them to get some funeral attire if he wasn't going to pay support.
2007-12-04 03:02:09 · answer #1 · answered by Queen of the World 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
These days most people do not wear black to a funeral. We have moved on from the mourning and black, dowdy clothes. While of course people mourn, today funerals are celebrating a person's lfe. I have been to many funerals and hardly anyone wears black these days. Tradition has changed.
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Just wear your nicest clothes, if the kids have to wear jeans then so be it. The important thing is being there not your clothes. If anyone makes a tasteless comment then just tell them you are doing the best you can with your limited resources. A good person would never pass judgement on your attire. The one who does is the one without class. I'm sorry that people cannot uinderstand that you have NO money to spend on clothes, not at Goodwill or the Salvation Army. None is none. Even if you can buy 3 outfits for $10 when there is no money to spend. $10 is better spent FEEDING your children then buying clothes to appease judgemental people.
2007-12-04 11:00:15 · answer #2 · answered by hoppykit 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
What you wear is not as important and that you're there. For those that believe black is the only thing that's appropriate, you obviously have not been to a funeral in a while. Just be sure the kids are neat and clean and you'll be fine. Don't let the lack of an "appropriate" wardrobe keep you from attending.
2007-12-04 13:03:03 · answer #3 · answered by txgirl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If the clothes are clean, well pressed and properly fitted you will be fine. I've seen all sorts of dress at funerals. The important thing is that people care enough to come to support the family of the deceased, they are not going to care if you're not in black as long as you are neat and clean. As long as you're not talking sweat pant casual or flip flop casual, nice pants or even jeans will be ok. Again, the important thing is clean and neatly pressed. Another thing, be polite and courteous, this is not the time to voice displeasure over anything. Say your regrets about the passing and leave.
2007-12-04 12:44:06 · answer #4 · answered by shirl a 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is very different these days than in the past, one no longer must wear black and especially children...I have an idea for all of you, and if you do not have money, check out the Salvation Army Store or Goodwill Store...or a thrift shop in your area...Have all of your children including you wear a clean white shirt or blouse, with whatever pants you have for everyone that are clean and pressed, with very clean shoes, if it's athletic shoes OK , just make sure they are clean and neat..Make sure all the children have neatly combed hair and watch their manners, no running around,they are to stay by you at all times...With all of you in white shirts or blouses you will all look so good as a family unit..My father died when I was ten, My mother died when I was thirty, I've lost my sister, and many aunts and uncles and cousins, so I speak from experience....
2007-12-04 22:11:08 · answer #5 · answered by mj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you and the kids are neat and clean that is respectful enough. It is Christmas time, you are getting support and you are a single Mother. You are doing the best you can. If they get upset, calmly explain that you are doing the best you can without support and that you wanted the children to say goodbye to their great-grandmother. Also, tell them if they have anything to add they can talk to your ex about it. I am sorry, it will get better and trust me the kids will remember that you have handled this with grace and respect you for it when they are older. Not when they are teens of course, lol but when they are twenties and up :-)
2007-12-04 11:29:34 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. Mad Maddy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wash the kids faces, dress them the best you can and go! The funeral is to celebrate the life of the deceased and anyone who thinks it's for some other purpose is too wrapped up in their selves (your ex for instance) - this isn't about him or you. Most grandma's would be thrilled to have the children around - that's a tribute to her, showing how the family has grown with her help! Even though she isn't there to see it, it still counts. Go and be glad she was in your life, and good luck with your future!
2007-12-04 11:22:18 · answer #7 · answered by Chatty GIrl 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to wear black. Just the fact that you show up to pay your respects should be enough. If they can't appreciate that, then it's their problem. If someone is rude enough to say something to you, advise them in a nice way that times are tough and it was either show up like this or not show up at all. There are always going to be people that judge you. Don't pay any attention to it. I give you kudos for even showing up for your ex's side of the family when he doesn't even have the decency to help support his kids.
2007-12-04 11:24:18 · answer #8 · answered by D F 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Black is unnecessary esp. for kids.
I would get the kids best clothes and iron them and make sure that they are all showered and combed and looking good. Tell them that while others might be more dressed up - they are there the best way possible - ask them to behave well so that the ex's family will know YOU are doing a great job. maybe they'll get on his case for being a cheapo.
2007-12-04 11:43:35 · answer #9 · answered by Ernie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No you dont, my grandma recently passed away and alot of people who showed up were not in all black, and a few wore jeans the important thing is that you go. I dont think she would mind if you didnt get all dressed up in black. Her heart would be touch that you came
2007-12-04 13:20:02 · answer #10 · answered by shorty937222000 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋