This guy is an idiot My granddaughter is smarter then he is and she's only four Half of my family can't even stay in the same room with him.Keeping my mouth shut is not going to happen and yes my daughter knows how I feel.
2007-12-04 02:38:30 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Since your daughter knows how you feel - yet she still persists in a relationship with this man - it is YOU who will have to swallow your feelings and tough it out - in complete silence.
Otherwise you will become bitter and lonely. Not a good fate.
Hint: There is a direct correlation between how quiet you are about Idiot - and how quickly she discovers what a loser he is. In other words, the more you go on about what a joker he is - the more she adamant she will be about marrying him.
Keep that in mind.
OK this guy is a loser. She'll find that out sooner or later - and want to come home. When she does - reread the parable of the prodigal son - and welcome her back with open arms and say nothing of Idiot.
Oh - and there's a direct correlation between how quiet you are about her returning home - and whether she goes back to Idiot because you just had to get your licks in.
2007-12-04 02:55:58 · answer #1 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gosh that is a hard one. I have 8 kids and 6 of them are girls. They are forever dating someone that I have a tough time with, but like any Mother, I feel that no one is good enough for my Angels. You had mentioned that he is an idiot. Does he have an actual mental disorder? I have been through that one, too. If he does, it may possibly spell out trouble in the future. I have noticed, with my daughters, that if they think I disapprove of someone, that is the one they decide to date the longest. Ergh, how frustrating. All of my kids, however, do not allow anyone to disrespect me and more than one beau has gone by the wayside because of it. If someone disrespects your Mom, they will you, eventually. I do NOT feel it is none of your business. You spent years raising this child. You do not devote that many years of your life to someone, for things to be none of your business. I do feel, though, that the more you say, the less likely she is to break it off with him Trust your daughter, even if you do not trust her fiance. Trust in the fact that she was raised proeprly and if he is a bad choice, she will see it. If you disrespect her by treating the guy poorly, expect the same disrespect in return. The Christmas season is here, imagine how you would feel if you were in someone's home and they treated you poorly. Approach things with love and understanding, if possible. Remember that idiots deserve love, too!
2016-04-07 07:48:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are even more of an idiot than he is if you can't control your mouth like an adult and if you can't respect your adult daughter and her fiance.
As an ADULT, you have an obligation to keep your mouth shut. You DO NOT have an obligation to invite him over, buy him presents, pay for their wedding if you don't approve, speak to him, etc...
You DO have an obligation not to bad mouth him to the entire family, to respect your daughter's boundaries (i.e., if your daughter tells you that she doesn't want you to badmouth him to her then you cannot do it), etc....
Just remember, eventually you may suffer the consequences of not being involved or being able to see your grandchildren if you keep up your hostility. AND your future son in law would be well within his rights as a husband to discourage his wife from speaking to you and to discourage and/or prevent you from seeing your grandchildren that they have custody of.
2007-12-04 02:45:05 · answer #3 · answered by Dina K 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If this guy is really a loser your daughter will only realize the mistake she is making if you are nice to him and keep that mouth shut. If you open it you will lose your daugher and drive her from you. Maybe the guy has some special quality that is not obvious, try to give him a chance.
2007-12-04 02:57:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My older sister has never met my husband and hasn't seen me in over 4 years. She is trying to get me to divorce my husband on grounds that she doesn't know what she's talking about. I've been with my husband for over 2 years and been independent for 8 years.
My sister and I are not talking because she will not allow me to make my own decision or learn to agree to disagree. I told her, if I'm making a mistake, then allow me to find out on my own and I'll pick up the pieces and move on. Also I told her to allow me to be happy if this is meant to be.
My advice, don't say anything to your daughter. Allow her to make her own mistakes or if it will work out, allow her to work it out according to her own terms. She is an adult. She doesn't need someone to lecture her.
She doesn't want you to Mother her, but would probably want a Mom. She just wants you to respect her even if you don't agree with her decision!
2007-12-04 02:54:15 · answer #5 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand why you want to keep your mouth shut; however, is there any way that you can open your mouth, but be respectful? In that case, you may irritate them, but you remain respectful of yourself and of your daughter and her bf. If he chooses to do something stupid in response to your respectful comments - she might then see his true colors.
It's worth a try.
2007-12-04 02:44:26 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ultimately one of two things are going to happen in this situation.
The first is your daughter truely loves this guy, although nobody else may be able to stand him, and like it or not she is going to stay with him.
The second is she may decide he is an idiot herself and break things off.
What ever you do though, DO NOT pressure her to leave this guy, she may stay out of spite. Also be respectful of her decisions. She has to learn from her mistakes both good and bad, all you can do is be there for support and comfort and not say "I told you so."
I tell you this from the experince. My family seriously dilikes my husband. He is 12 and a half years older than me, has two kids from a previous marriage, that I have spent the past eight years raising them and loving them as my own. They have no contact with their natural birth mother. I have had two of my own children since than. When I first decided that the relationship between us was meant to be permenant I explained to my family, as a step-chid my self who had a WONDERFUL step-father, that these older two kids were NOT to be treated any differently. My mother also has a problem with the fact that he dosen't work. He dosen't work because he dosen't WANT to, quite the contrary. He is 39 years old and has hear disease. He had his first triple by pass less than two years ago, and already needs another. Not because of life style, just really crappy genetics. She "feels" that he has placed too much of a burden on me with his illness and older two children. She "thinks" that he has set too high of an expectation for me, and she's "angry" that I expect myself to fill it. She dosen't like the fact that I am the breadwinner of the family, and she ignores the older two children. This finally got so unbearable for myself, not including him and the kids, that "I" decided we needed to move from Georgia to North Dakota to be with his family. His mother also has terminal cancer, and his step-father who influenced him greatly although their relationship sucks, has ill health also. This greatly angered my mother who blames him for me being here and not there. Although I told her time and time again. I am happy, I love him, and I am the one in this relationship not you, get off my back, she still refused to accept the fact that I chose "him and not the med student who had 1 more year to become a docter."
Even if your daughter doesen't love this guy if you give her a hard time about she may stick with himd out of spite. Yes, we want our children and grandchildren to be happy and do better for themselves that we done for ourselves, but we also have to respect their choices and understand that their happiness may not coincide and match our happiness. Bear with this guy and explain to the family that like it as not apparently for the time being he is here to stay, and take small turns and doses of this guy.
If keeping your mouth shut is NOT going to happen, than be prepared to get what my mother got. A daughter who totally cut her mother out of her life, and the lose of grandchildren and any other possible future grandchildren. Even if my husband were to pass on, a definite possibility at the moment, or we seperated I wouldn't go back to my mother, and I have sworn to all 4 of my kids that I will not do the same as she has done, and if I do to kick me in the ***.
If she knows how you feel, than there is no reason to keep harping on it. If you do you'll just drive her away and possibly for good. By what you wrote the problem is with her mate not her. Is that what you really want?
2007-12-04 03:21:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋