The other day my boyfriend (who's an army recruiter) told me about a training conference he had to go to for a whole weekend and had to wear his dress uniform. Then the next day he says its a ball but its mostly training and he is dreading having to go. It sounded as if he was trying to hide that it was a ball and I got upset and questioned him on it. He explained and said he wouldnt go if he didnt have to and I gave him the silent treatment and the doubting "uh hum" like I didnt believe him. The next day he sent me text first thing in the morning and asked me if I trusted him and said he cant stand to be checked up on and if i felt that way i shouldnt pursue this relationship and that his exwife did that to him and he wouldnt let it get out of control like that again and he will not be put in check . Is what I did that bad? Isnt he going overboard with the defensiveness. I havent responded to any of the texts yet because I'm upset that he said that and want to calm down first.
2007-12-04 02:00:38 · 10 answers · asked by ms_sweet_real 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We have been seeing each other since March and hes never done anything to make me distrust him.
2007-12-04 02:01:35 · update #1
He says he doesnt trust anyone but doesnt question me about anything.
2007-12-04 02:02:25 · update #2
If he does not trust you then why is he with you ? I hate guys when they say that . I would ask him this very ? because if he does not trust you then there is something wrong with this relationship . I would be sitting him down and having a talk with him . good luck and god bless.
2007-12-04 02:06:54 · answer #1 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the other poster that said this has nothing to do with the ball and the fact that you guys have some problems with communicating. What you feel is an important detail, he doesn't so he didn't think to tell you about it. When you did find out about it-you blew up and acted like a tempermental toddler (liked that poster's response as well). The silent treatment is something you should really stop doing once you hit..oh say, 12 or so. Mature people in mature relationships would not give the silent treatment, but talk about what is bothering them at that moment. This whole thing could have been avoided if instead of doing the "uh huh" and silence, you would have simply said what you were feeling and told him, "You know, I don't expect to know every detail of every day, but I feel the ball was an important detail and I would have liked to know about it." I think he has more right to be mad in this situation than you do. He looks at this weekend as WORK, not play. Does he tell you every detail about monday-friday normally? Probably not. Next time, handle your problems like an adult and talk about them. Personally if I were him, I don't know if I would want to continue a relationship with someone that pulled that garbage of "uh huh" and silent treatment. I am too old for games and dont want someone who is still immature enough to be playing them.
2016-04-07 07:45:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A ball, as in you dress up and dance with people? Why didn't he invite you? That doesn't seem the sort of thing a bunch of army recruiters would go to without their significant others.
He does seem a little overly defensive, though it could be because of his ex-wife. I hate to fan the flames, but I would be suspicious of the "can't stand to be checked up on" and "will not be put in check" statements from him. That sounds like he's saying he'll do what he wants, when he wants, and if you don't like it, tough ****. Which isn't how it should be in a relationship.
I don't think you were out of line. I agree; people who don't trust "anyone" probably aren't very trustworthy themselves. You do need to talk it out, but do it sensibly and reasonably, and not over text. He needs to understand that there are TWO of you in this relationship.
2007-12-04 02:22:10 · answer #3 · answered by Kitten Toes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah....i think you took it a bit over board. Hes never giving you a reason to think hes cheating or has cheated! Sounds like he knows what he wants out of a women and he communicating with you what he doesnt what your relationship to go! Just relax and dont always assume the worst.
2007-12-04 02:08:07 · answer #4 · answered by victor 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Elementary my dear ms_sweet!
The main clue to solve this mystery is that he doesn't trust anybody. People who mistrust are not to be trusted either. He's got trust issues which created problems with his exwife and they are creating problems with you. It is obvious he was hiding something from you. Watch him like a freaking hawk!
Sincerely,
Sherlock Holmes, I mean, Felix The Cat
2007-12-04 02:15:02 · answer #5 · answered by Felix The Cat 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you are too jealous, I just think you need to start trusting him. My best friend's girlfriend was always checking up on him and she NEVER trusted him, so that gave him a reason to cheat on her, he just couldn't stand her jealousy issues anymore. I don't think you are as bad as her though, you just should ease up a little.
2007-12-04 02:08:49 · answer #6 · answered by false.pretense 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if it is a ball he shoulda invited you even if he knew he couldnt go but other than i dont believe you did a bad thing .just keep your eyes open and your mouth shut darling good luck
2007-12-04 02:05:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
what is wrong with the 2 of you ! what are you 16..this isn't high school where u guys break up over text messages ..wait for him to get back and then discuss this !! gezz!!
2007-12-04 02:11:30 · answer #8 · answered by velma dinkley 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
yah you overreacted a little. but so did he. you both need to work this stuff out together if you are ever going to make it work
2007-12-04 02:04:39 · answer #9 · answered by pickles11119 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U over reacted and so did he.
2007-12-04 02:06:50 · answer #10 · answered by starcraft961 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋