how can i forgive and not feel bitter about someone thats hurt me when the person that hurt me i see all the time, like my mum... She robbed me of all my money from the age of 15 - 19 years old, she made me feel like i was a prisoner in her home. She had no respect for me at all. She had total control over me, i couldnt go out with friends because i had no money. Now im 32 years old, my sister has just moved house and she's dishing out money like theres no tomorrow and she swears to me she can never pay me back the money she owes me. I kept a diary of how much money she took off me. I feel so bitter and hurt and i get upset when i talk about it. She says i should just get over it and move on. How do i deal with this hurt and bitterness and am i ever going to be able to forgive her?
2007-12-04 00:24:32 · 7 answers · asked by jessie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
no i dont think its about the money, its the way she went about it, she rubbed it in my face. she used to wait at my works with my brother and take the money off me and she said she was buying stuff for my brother with my wages. i am just deeply hurt, i dont think that hurt will ever go away, and i really hate my mum for what she has done.
2007-12-04 00:56:20 · update #1
jessie it sounds like mum isnt gonna pay back ...but im thinking the money aint the issue realy...i reckon u feel u didnt get the love u needed...and why did mom need to use ur money...where did u get it from?i reckon u need to take step back from mum after telling her how hurt u feel....tell her ur there if she needs u but u need healing time.....hope u can get her to open up and be honest
take care helen xx
2007-12-04 00:31:41 · answer #1 · answered by nelhel96 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is sad. Your mother has never accepted responsibility for her wrong-doing. She is avoiding the pain of facing it by telling you "Just get over it and move on". You need to decide what you want from her: is it the emotional abuse that bothers you the most, or is it the money?
If it's the money, you could sue her: your diary could serve as evidence. But even if your suit succeeded and your mother gave the money back, would this heal your pain? I suspect she took your money in order to maintain her control over you ~ this is what controlling husbands do.
Seems to me you need to explore the situation more deeply with a therapist, and sort out what really went on, and why you are still so emotionally involved with this woman. Now that you are 32, you need to regain control of your emotional life, as well as your finances, and reduce your emotional dependence on your mother. Then it won't matter what she says, or what she did in the past, because you will be really free of her.
2007-12-04 00:39:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who says you have to forgive her? With an attitude like hers, I sure would not be inclined to!!!!
I had a similar problem with my Grandma - I sat down and wrote several letters, finally picked one, and mailed it to her. I poured out my feelings... as I figured, she totally misconstrued everything I said and threw even MORE dirt in my face. YES, it hurt, BUT.... I finally stood up in her face one day because I could not take it anymore - she was livid, and disowned me, but it made ME feel 200% better.
Hey - when you KNOW you are RIGHT, just stick with it and pat yourself on the back. Money can be replaced - your sanity cant. You cant CHANGE what happened, you CAN make sure she NEVER EVER hurts you again!!
TELL HER OFF! Don't be nice either! If she disowns you - - so what?! She sounds like a VERY selfish person!
2007-12-04 00:47:57 · answer #3 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you know children, aged 15-19, just like you were at that time. Maybe in your family or in friend's families.
Make sure they feel you love them. Make sure you can make their lives are as happy as possible.
This way negative things from the past can become positive things for today and the future.
And if you have kids yourself, you already know you'll love them more than anything else.
Have a great day !
2007-12-04 00:55:34 · answer #4 · answered by Matt 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand exactly where your coming from and I know it's hard to get past this.....but you have to take it one day at a time.
Your mom did you wrong and it's hard to forget, just know that it wasn't you why your mom treated you that way...even though it may seem like it.
Your mom obviously has issues of her own.
I had a lot of resentment towards my mom too and I couldn't understand how come she would never help me out and always had money to help out my older sister.
But I finally told my mom how I felt and told her how unfair she was to me......she tried to justify it but it didn't work.
So just letting her know my feelings about the situation helped me.
You may never get back your money from your mom but you have to move on for your sake...you can't change the past or change your mom...you can only change how you feel and how your going to move on.
Try to forgive your mom... there might be something that happened that you don't know about why she was taking your money maybe she lost her job or money was tight.....talk to your mom and just explain to her how you felt and ask her why she did this to you...maybe she'll give you some answers or maybe she won't...but at least for your peace of mind you tried to find out why and she knows how you feel about it.
Your now 32 years old try to live your life to the fullest without dwelling on this situation with your mom....I know it's easier said than done....but your using alot of energy worrying about something you can't change.....use that same energy to move on and be happy....do things that you never got to do when you were a teenager....I do and it helps.
If you have kids be a diffderent kind of mother to them do things with them that your mom never did with you.
I'm a completely different kind of parent with my kids and both my kids and I have great relationships.
Everything happens for a reason this situation with your mom makes you who you are today....I'm sure your a stronger person because of it or even more independent.
Don't look back focus on all the positive thing you have in life now...live your life...don't waste anymore of your time feeling this resentment towards your mom it's not going to change the past.
I hope this helped and I wish you the best in finding the answer your looking for with your mom...but I truly hope you find peace in your life where you can move forward and live a full hapopy life without looking back on the things you had no control over...but just remember you do have control over your life now and that's all that matters.
If your mom is still treating you badly now that your an adult maybe it's time to keep her at a distance and just call her on special occasions or the occassional hi...I hope I helped...but just as I said before best wishes to you.
2007-12-04 01:09:44 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was treated the same by my mum
I ain't spoke to her since I started having children of my own and realised what a bad mum she was. Dint want anyone like that influencing my girls
its been nearly 20years now and she only lives down the road.
2007-12-04 00:32:59 · answer #6 · answered by Denise Jo 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
forget the past.take control of your life from now on.still love your mother,but no need to give all your money to her.because you are now grown up
2007-12-04 00:35:03 · answer #7 · answered by madhavan n 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋