so i am 3 months along..and finally told my BF. because he's in the military and is hardly ever home...he feels that he won't get to spend much time with the kid if we decide to keep it...and now wants to abort it. he says he rather have me get an abortion than to have a kid that he will hardly ever see...let alone, be financially ready for.
i on the other hand don't believe in abortion..i am against that because i feel that it is taking a life away and that i could be scarred and regretful for life. and i also feel that anything is possible if u put ur heart into it..even raising a child.
he didn't seem too happy with my decision. telling me the child isn't a life yet--that it is still a "parasite" that is living off of me. and keeps begging me to get this abortion..and that IF i do..he will marry me next year--and possibly think about having another child by next year.
i kind of feel that he is only saying that to make me get the operation..what do u think?
2007-12-02 16:44:04 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
thanks for all the great answers guys-- it has encouraged me to stick up for what i feel is right, than to have someone just walk all over me... and as much as i love him-- i am not going to take a precious life away only to regret it forever..over something so ignorant.
2007-12-04 12:29:01 · update #1
Here's my advice. Lose the boyfriend, keep the baby. If he can be manipulative to you about marriage and a baby, imagine how many times he will be that way when it comes to smaller things?
2007-12-02 17:44:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
I spent 9 years in the military. Do what you think you want to do not what he promises you. I personally could never have an abortion.
The military will make him pay child support for the kid even if you are not together which can be a substantial amount of money, which may be what he is afraid of.
You have other options besides abortion if you do not want to have a child.....many people want kids and can not have them. Many states even let you give your child up to hospitals or churches with out any questions asked if you feel that you can not care for your child once it is born.
Please... do not take future promises as the reasoning for an abortion. Only you can decide what you think is best for you and your child. My husband is in the Navy and I spent 9 years in the Army and I can tell you that a lot of soldiers fear That they will have to pay half of their paychecks to child support. I am not saying that he is not a good man or that what he is telling you is not true but the military is very strict about supporting your families. If you do have your child is he saying he wont marry you in a year? If that is true do you really want someone like that in your life?
Lastly, men view babies different also. My husband refuses to acknowledge any pregnancy until after the kid is born. (i am currently pregnant with #2). The parasite comment is harsh but it is normal for many men its just a lot do not state it out loud. Good luck and hopefully you will be happy in whatever decision you make.
2007-12-02 17:38:46 · answer #2 · answered by kate 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Guess what? He made his decision when he decided to have sex with you. If you have an abortion, you are going to regret it for the rest of your life. You could also mess up your body so you have a harder time having children in the future. Do you really want to marry someone who is so disrespectful to your decisions?? By the way... whether or not he decides to be involved in his child's life, you will get part of his military salary in child support. So do what's right for you and for your baby. He's just scared that this is going to hit him where it hurts, the wallet. He's right. Kids are expensive and time consuming and require a lot of sacrifice. Something he should have thought about before he had sex!!
... I actually have a friend who was in a similar situation. She had an abortion and is miserable about it. The guy is still stringing her along but has no intention of committing. She's too "in love" to leave him and he knows it so he uses that to keep her around even though he has no desire to commit.
2007-12-02 18:15:57 · answer #3 · answered by mandilu 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Give the baby up for adoption and drop this loser. You can do an open adoption and be a part of this baby's life. I shouldn't say this but if you go through an adoption lawyer and an open adoption, a lot of these couples are really willing to help you out financially and maybe thay can help you go to college, get a car and your own apartment. I would work it out that you get to spend one day a month with the baby and the parents and when the child is older, you could leave it up to them on how much time they want to spend with you. Once you finish college, get a good job and meet a REAL MAN with a good job, then you can have a child that you are ready for. Adoption is a beautiful thing and there are infertile couples out there that will do anything to adopt an infant. I was adopted in a closed adoption and I think what my biological parents did was a VERY UNSELFISH AND LOVING thing to do. You can make a couple very happy and give that baby a wonderfuil life it deserves! PLEASE CONSIDER THIS AND DROP THIS LOSER! IT is terrible that he is trying to coerce you into having an abortion. I'm pro-choice but this sounds like your guy just is not ready for a relationship. DUMP HIM!
2007-12-02 17:05:56 · answer #4 · answered by jessica 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
so I found this on here along time ago dont do any thing till u read it.
Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.
Month Two
Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.
Month Three
You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.
Month Four
Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.
Month Five
You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?
Month Six
I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!
Month Seven
Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak
2007-12-02 17:06:18 · answer #5 · answered by everyxthing 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I feel that if it's heart is beating, and it is, it's a life. Don't do it because of him saying he will marry you if you do.1 year isn't gonna make that big a difference in his finances and if he's in the military he won't get to see much of one that you might have next year either. If you do it, do it for no one but you. You are the one that will have to live with the decision and this is your body we are talking about. I know from someone close to me that it will haunt you. I don't believe in abortion either but it is still your decision. I think you already know in your heart what the answer is. Good luck!! God bless you.
2007-12-02 17:57:35 · answer #6 · answered by luvingnanna 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you're right.
Never EVER get an abortion if you don't want to. Do you realize the emotional scarring you could go through?? When it comes down to it, I think you would be much better off keeping the baby, and dumping the boyfriend. I would imagine he knows your stance on abortion, and the fact that he is still begging you to do something that you don't believe in just shows how selfish he is, and how much he doesn't care about your emotions.
Look, at the end of the day, you are going to do what you're going to do, and I have no say in it, but listen to your heart. I'm sure it is screaming at the top of its lungs,"DON"T DO IT. YOU WILL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"
So, I'm begging you: don't kill your baby just because he doesn't want it. You should remind him that it isn't just your son or daughter growing in your womb, but its his, too.
(As an aside, you should probably talk to his mother and tell her what he said.)
2007-12-02 17:13:33 · answer #7 · answered by **[Witty_Name]** 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think u will be more then an idiot if u do it. a baby is a baby. a life. even at 2 weeks pregnant it is still a life!!! if u see a doctor give an abortion even at 6 weeks... u will see them inject the mother with the baby killing medicine as i call it and u will see the poor little thing try to move away from it!!! 6 weeks!!!! it is 6 weeks old and already smart and feeling pain. he is a terrible selfish person if he is telling u to have an abortion for that reason. and u know he is bull sh*tin u because y kill the baby when he so called wants to marry u n have another in a year. this child will still be a baby!!! he will still have a chance to be in his/her life!!!! u know what i think? i think this is just his sorry *ss excuse for not wanting a kid. i damn sure bet he doesnt even plan to marry u. leave his punk *ss!!!!
2007-12-02 17:31:29 · answer #8 · answered by amber32034 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am inspired by the strength of your beliefs.
"i on the other hand don't believe in abortion..i am against that because i feel that it is taking a life away and that i could be scarred and regretful for life. and i also feel that anything is possible if u put ur heart into it..even raising a child."
You know what you believe, what you want, what you need,
what is possible for you and your baby.
The answer is already inside of you.
2007-12-02 19:01:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Coming from a married guy that is a Christian, no. First, I am completely against abortion because of my religion, but I wouldn't do it regardless. I would not set yourself up for a huge letdown. I do not know either of you so it is hard to give advice, but I'll do my best. He might want you to get the abortion because he does not want a commitment. If he does not want a commitment to a child, I would not think that he would want to make a commitment to someone else either. I would give the same type of advice to someone that is considering moving in together. If the two of you move into together, the guy would get the benefit of living with a partner without having to be committed to that partner. It kinda sounds like the same thing to me. But like I said, I don't know either of you to give you the most accurate advice.
That was the guy side of me. The Christian side says 'no' as well. Try asking your boyfriend if he would be willing to marry you if you put the child up for adoption. If not, then you know he just really doesn't want a commitment anyway, and if he does, you could possibly save yourself emotional distress.
This is just my believes and opinions.
2007-12-02 16:58:50 · answer #10 · answered by joetigerny 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he just doesn't want the baby. Even if he really wants to marry you, he'll still be in the military and gone at times. So he never wants to have children, because he can be away at any time? Also, my ex-mother-in-law had an abortion and she's in her 60's and still cries about her decision. If you don't want the child, there are lots of people who can't have children and are willing to adopt. I don't know your personal situation, however why do you want to be with a man that considers your child a parasite? I doubt he'll marry you or try for a child later.....RUN...RUN...RUN...that guy isn't good.
2007-12-02 16:52:08 · answer #11 · answered by Grazza 2 · 6⤊ 1⤋