please help..neighbor problem..I am upset and badly need advise.?

Question

I was hit in the side at 55 mph Monday..extreme pain all over. I was on morphine and other pain drug at hospital. They released me to either rehab or home..I chose home..they only gave me 5 days of pain meds (daracet).

A while back a neighbor asked me for pain pills as she hit a deer a year ago and has no medical insurance. I had some left from dentist I gave her.

Then she asked again and I gave her 6 pills I had left over.

I also gave her 5 pages of free and low cost/sliding scale doctors. Maybe she is too prideful to go there..not sure.

But tonight she invited me in and after a while asked me to give her a pain pill or two..from the few I have from the hospital that I need as I have no way to get to the doctor without a car and noone to take me to get some more....I did not want to as without them, I cannot cook or take care of myself as pain too bad. she kept begging and saying all shocked like..you can't spare one. Finally, I raided my med cabinet and gave her some old one

than the three days I have left. I gave her 6 pain pills and 3 anti-inflammatories but I was kind of upset..

I am the type person who gets intimidated easily and has a hard time being real assertive and on top of it this neighbor initially spread rumors I was sleeping with my brother to the building..I tried very hard to avoid her but she kept knocking on door and asking to speak to me..she apologized saying she heard this from someone before she moved in..(I knew noone and no men were here so I can't imagine who would have told her that. she begged my forgiveness and finally I forgave her. She always knocks on my door or is in the hall and tries to get me to talk,. Now I am kind of starting to like her and she is nice to me but she has a tendency to tell what I tell her to other neighbors. The thing is she is very intimidating when angry and got 2 residents kicked out of the building and she works for management and I worry if she does not like me she will try to cause trouble

and I have no way to move for 2 years..I would rather have her friend than enemy..

She knocked on my door day I got home and asked me to come over and she asked me if I would be offended if she got me a Christmas basket..I said no..I was getting you a little present too..she said..no I mean a turkey or ham from salvation army..I said I guess not as I am far below the poverty line..she said she needed my driver's licence to get it and just returned it after two days and giving me some paper to sign (SS# not on it)..so now I feel somewhat obligated..also she offered to put up my lights around the door (but I don't want her to really)..Another neighbor did me a favor yesterday driving me somewhere..I don't want to have them think badly of me as I may need a ride someday to doctor till I get car maybe or just cause I prefer no enemies..they are friends.

She also keeps pressuring me to get home health care and she would be the one who would cook and clean..she is an excellent cleaner

but the last thing I want is her in my house as I am not a good housecleaner and she gossips..she says I would be ale to go back to regular medicaid instead of the awful HMO I am on that I lost my superior doctor on which I would love but not if it means having her in my hopuse cleaning and snooping around.

Tonight =I feel angry at myself for giving her the pain meds and at her for asking ..why can't she take care of her own medical problems..I don't mind once or twice but I feel she will keep asking.

How can I stop giving them to her and not get her angry...my temperament generally is kind and nice and sympathetic but now I feel taken advantage on and manipulated some. I am afraid to cross her..what could I say to get her to stop pressuring me and asking to get closer and things..I prefer distance and am a loser but it is kind of nice to have someone to talk to as I am friendless. sometimes she is pretty nice. but I have seen her bad side with other neighbors and how if she feels

you turned on her she tries to tell things about you she knows that are not flattering to get others to dislike you..she knocks frequently..she tried to get my phone number saying she may need it to get turkey and I refused to give it to her as I do not want her knocking and calling..I am generally a loner and like it that way but she keeps trying to be friends..so I am trying but I don't want too much contact..

Things were going pretty good until; she started asking for all my pain meds that I need...and trying to use me to get her additional income which is OK but I said I didn't think I wanted home health care and she kept pressuring..I am feeling irritated after she tried to get the hospital pain meds instead of sympathetic to her pain as I feel it was inappropriate when she knows I missed death by one second and saw the badly mangled car and bruises.

lol..that should read I am a loner not I am a loser:)

thanks..I did not know it was illegle. I did not give her my social security number though as it is not on my driver's license..just my fake weight, address, and bd and such..I appreciate everyone's advise.

telling her my son who really does work with prescription drugs told me it is illegal is the perfect thing to say..I am also going to tell her I decided I do not want home health care but actually I might be eligible and this could get me the old medicaid back and allow me to keep my doctor of two years...

I would like to get it maybe if I am eligible but not have it be her..she told me she cleans and cooks 17 hours a month for another neighbor and how the neighbor did not want home care until she knew it was Karen (her) and she said oh sure it it's you, I want it..with me, it is the opposite if it is her I do not want it..if it is a stranger I may but now feel if I get someone she will be angry I did not use her..she is always trying to get me to buy Avon and stuff so this must be how she supports herself.

Maybe this is the answer to the prayer on how to keep my doctor and my far better medicaid (this HMO turns everything down)...maybe I could go to my doctor.have her write a letter

and they might give me back the old medicaid..even the hospital acted like I could have home health care maybe...then I could get someone who will promise not to tell any neighbor who she is and maybe tell them she is my sister or friend or something..Karen may not find out I got someone else..I might benefit from someone helping me clean and cook and also I could get my good doctor and go to my chiropractor as they covered 4 visits a month..wow

yes there is a lot about this lady..she is a bit nuts some of the stuff she says and also she was best friends with some in the building and they were all upset with her and she told me very personal stuff and tried to made me think badly of her and also told me all the bad things they aid about me as they did about her..only a week after my mom died trying to get me turned against each other and into their petty squabbles and in building fighting..it is like junior high and Peyton place here,.,,I can't wait to leave..I wish I could figure out

how to avoid her ..she was leaving her door open 16 hours a day (she lives across hall) and watched all my comings, goings, when my car is here, what I buy..thank God for winter as the hall is closed but she said she is trying to get then to put something on door to keep out air and fix heater..I am almost happy whenever I see her door is closed and I can leave without her looking into my house... You guys helped me a lot and if you read this any further advise would be appreciated..she goes so far as to tape record conversations to say people are too loud..the walls are like paper and I am worried she will record me and say I am too loud..having the radio or computer on sounds the same loudness in and out of the apt. She told me before she heard me singing (it was the computer) and crying and I feel no privacy..

oh it is percocet they gave me and again I didn't realize this was not legal...I will absolutely never do it again now that I know..I am going to tell her that my son who works with prescription drugs told me this (true) and that he and my sister who is in the medical field made me throw all the old drugs away and all I have is what I need and I will never give them out now that I know it is not allowed and encourage her to use one of the free and low cost/sliding clinics on the list I gave her as she claims to have no medical but everyone seems to think she is an addict and I think I did not know her that well and I generally am naive..my son got mad saying are I not always right and later you find that out (as far as judging character) and he is so now I am hoping I can avoid her as much as possible

Answer 1

It sounds like your neighbor may be addicted to pain killers, which is why you are getting so much pressure from her. I understand you are lonely. but you are better off being your own best friend than to encourage the company of your neighbor by letting her in your door.
You are not being rude, just explain to her that you are not well and that you are not up to her company at the moment. If she keeps pestering you, perhaps she has a family member that she sees that you could speak with. Perhaps you could tell them that you are worried about your neighbor because she keeps asking for you pain pills despite the fact that you need them for a legitimate reason. Don't let her use you. It is obvious to me that she is manipulating you and taking advantage of the fact that you are so vulnerable right now. Feeling vulnerable is not the same as feeling that you are a victim. Don't be a victim and take care of yourself..

As far as your own pain goes. If you do not have any open wounds, try taking warm baths with half a cup to one cup of Epsom salts. If you don't have any and can't get out to get it, try regular salt. Soak for 15-30min. every day or every other day for a week or so. This will help to move the lactic acid build up out of your muscles. Lactic acid is what makes your muscles feel so sore.

The other remedy you can use is a Castor-oil pack. Castor (hands of Christ) oil is also a cheap remedy. Take an old flannel cloth (can be a piece of an old flannel sheet) moisten it with warm water, queasy it out, now add around a table spoon of cast oil into the cloth. Place the cloth over the painful area and cover it with plastic. Over the plastic, place a warm hot water bottle or hot pack. I like using hot water bottle the best because it cools naturally over time. An electric heating pad can inflame an area because it does not always self cool. The best time to use the castor oil pack is before you go to sleep. It is very relaxing.
Try doing that every day for two weeks. Keep the cloth in a plastic bag in between uses, adding the Castor oil to the same cloth as it dries out. This is a wonderful way to treat all kinds of sprains and soft tissue injuries.
Pray and ask for help. Try and find strength within yourself to stand up for yourself and keep your neighbor at bay. You CAN do it!
When you are well, see if you can volunteer your time helping at an organization that helps others. There is nothing better than the feeling of helping others. It is the best cure for loneliness and a great way to make friends with other volunteers.

I hope this helps

Answer 2

Janie, you said one thing right: You have to be more ASSERTIVE!!! This B**** is running all over you!! She can't get you kicked out if you follow all the rules. Stop being afraid of her!

It's against the law to give anyone your prescription medication. You have to tell her that you just read that, and you don't want to break any laws. And the doctor prescribed them because you NEED them!!

She's nothing but a busy-body and a bully! When she's being nice, it's because she wants something, and she knows you're afraid of her. Do not EVER let her in your house when you are not there.

She already has your SSNumber (big mistake,) Don't give her any more personal information. Don't talk bad about her to anyone, and if she wants to visit with you tell her you have some family problems that you can't get into, but you have a terrible headache and you need to be alone for a while. Tell her you've been getting migraine headaches, and the doctor told you to lay down in your dark, quiet bedroom. (That's true, and migraines ARE terrible, and just so you know, they are on one side of the face only.)

Do everything you can to stay away from this witch, and get some balls!! Janie, you're just too sweet and naiive! Find an adult you can talk to about this. This lady is going to be bad news some time, some how. Keep your distance as much as possible. You can E-Mail me if you need to speak with an adult. I'm 53 years old, on oxygen, so I'm always home.

Good luck, sweetie, and think about everything I said. -LL

Answer 3

giving someone your pain pills can land you in jail-please don't give her anymore!! it sounds like she has a serious pain pill addiction.

as long as you are following the rules where you live-you have nothing to worry about as far as her trying to get you thrown out. document every incident between the two of you and if she becomes threatening in any way-get a restraining order against her.

from now on-try to avoid contact as much as possible. explain to her that you can no longer give out your pills and that if she really needs them that badly-then she should go to the hospital (chances are though-if she has an addiction-the hospital knows her well). explain to her that it's best you two don't speak anymore if all she is going to do is spread nasty rumors about you and ask you for pills.

please don't put yourself in an illegal situation. you will be arrested if law enforcement finds out you gave her prescription narcotics. tell her no more!!

i wish you luck with this situation. you might try talking to the manager of your building or writing a letter the the owner to explain your fear of her harrassing you-this will help protect you.

good luck!!

Answer 4

Janie, your neighbor is a drug addict. If she had a legitimate need for pain pills, she could easily get a prescription. I know a former DEA agent and people like YOU and your NEIGHBOR get arrested all the time for doing what you are doing. People are in prison for giving each other pills. You need to realize how serious this is. I bet your neighbor does... and this is why she is taking advantage of you.

DO NOT give her any more pills. She will find another way to get them. Keep your pills to YOURSELF and keep them in the ORIGINAL containers only.

Answer 5

Jainie, You are making yourself a victim. Never ever give out any personal information to someone who is definitely a drug addict ! You should also avoid discussing your medications with her. Frankly its none of her business what medications you are taking. Every time you give in to her you set yourself up for more of the same.

Drug addicts will find all kinds of excuses to get you to let them in to your home. Did it occur to you that when you leave her alone in a room she is probably looking for things to steal including your personal information to use ? Ever heard of identity theft?

Stop answering the door. Since she has already spread rumors about you, what makes you think she isn't still doing that ? You invite trouble into your life every time you let her in.

If she harasses you, talk to your landlord or call the police.

Answer 6

You have been duped into enabling this person into drugs, your providing her with a Federal prescription, stop, your breaking the law. From now on tell her you have enough for yourself, that's it. Tell her to see her own doctor for her pills. You could get into trouble for distributing narcotics, it carries a nine year Federal sentence.
I'm sure if something happens, she's turn on you in a minute, tell her "No" and, if she tries to start trouble, go to the authorities.

Answer 7

Stop telling her that you have pain meds. It is illegal to be passing out prescription narcotics like M&M's. You can get in trouble for giving them to her. Next time she wants some,tell her they are gone. She obviously is taking them to get high. If she continues to harass you,I would report this to the manager of your building. If she works for the building,she shouldn't be harrassing you this way. You need to develop a spine and start sticking up for yourself. She is walking all over you and you are letting her.

Answer 8

This woman is NOT wanting to be a friend. She's wanting drugs. That spells trouble for you. Simply tell her NO PILLS. NO HOUSEKEEPING! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. It's okay at this point if you offend her.