Haven't seen my child in 8 years?

Question

Story in a nutshell: Kicked me out because i didn't want to get married until after the child was born. Did not find out he was born until 2 weeks after. She put father unknown on the birth cert. Allowed me to see him at six month's for two hours a fortnight. Went to mediation to work towards overnight visits. Week before overnight visits meant to start, denied access. Back to mediation and same thing happened for the next four years. One day i just got fed up and told her i was sick of the **** and she could look after him. Now after 8 years i have initiated mediation again. Any advice on how to handle her? If there's no resolution i'm getting court orders drawn up. Any advice on how to approach the questions my son will ask?
I do not claim to be innoccent or not handled things well. She was 18 and wanted an abortion, I guess i didn't take into account her feelings when i said no. Any advice instead of abuse.

I had my name put on the birth cert, and about steppin up and being a man - I didnt drag into court over four years, I over paid child support by $1000 one year. They were going to make her pay it back but i gifted it to her. So F/u

I do love my child and always have. I even have a baby photo album.

Answer 1

its better late than never...I dont give 2 shits what the folks above me say, I have a daughter I didnt see for 6 years. It sucks. I've been there. I too gave up on seeing her, i didnt have the money or power my parents had, they are the ones who took her, and legally adopted her when i gave up, of course thats what they wanted me to do, long story there. But like i said, better late than never. Try to find out everything u need to do according to where u live, dna test is a good start, but i saw u said your name is now on the birth cert, so u may have done that. As for explaining the what's and why's thats a hard one. I just explained to my daughter the entire story she's 12 now so is old enough to understand what i've told her, its scary to tell your child you gave up...but its gotta come out sometime. My daughter and I now have a good relationship. Do whatever you HAVE to do, its all worth it in the end...I promise.

Answer 2

Wow how ironic. The best I can say is that you be open and honest with your son. And reassure him that you have always loved him and thought about him. If your ex and you cant come to a agreement on visitation then you can try to go for partial custody. You have as much right to see your son. And you can have your name put on the birth certificate. Try and stay calm when you are around her. It is better to be level headed than not. You also might want to speak to an attorney. Some attorney's will do a free consultation. Hang in there. Dont give up...Best Wishes...

Answer 3

I am sorry you have had to go thru this. It is really an unfortunate situation. I really do not have any advise other than this time do not get sick of the crap. If she is not willing to cooperate you have a battle. It sounds to me she is being rather selfish and not thinking of your son. If you initaite this and back out of it again you will look like teh bad one in your sons eyes. If you keep trying at leats you can say you have been trying and your son will know that. Children are very forgiving, when he knows the truth he will forgive that you have tried to be a father and mom wont let him he will forgive. Answer all of your sons answers honestly without belittling his mother, that will anger him if you do.Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I don't know how a judge will feel about this. It took you a while but I think it's a plus for you that you are now coming forward and showing interest in having a relationship with your child. You should have struggled harder to stay in his/her live but she was wrong for using the baby to get back at you for not marrying her. Using babies as leverage is so wrong. Anyway, I think you should get yourself good legal represetation. Research who the best family lawyer in town is and go see him/her. You may want to have paternity tested if it hasn't been done already. Have you been paying child support? If not then that is not in your favor. Having a steady job is a great factor in getting custody. If you cannot afford a lawyer then you may want to go to legal aid.

Answer 5

well, I for one am pro choice, and shame on you for not taking her feelings into account, and I am glad u acknowlege that! that said, if you havent seen the kid in 8 years, the courts may ask you why you changed your mind. they want whats best for the kid, not you. harsh as that may sound, it is true. Do you love the kid? Get pics? What took you so long to want to be back into the kids life?? I commend you on your desicion to be a father.As for advice to your son?? Ok, admit you were young ( always a winner and possibly true too!) and foolish, ( yes, use that word,it makes you look and sound grown-up) and you made mistakes. But the important thing is to realize you made them and learned from them. Sounds to me like she is using your son to get back at you for something, and that is never good to be caught in the middle. that said, If you go to court, then she is going to realize you are dead serious about seeing your son, and she will not be able to keep him from you, if she does, she will be in violation of a court order, and may be sent to jail :) . Use the fact you are going to get court papers drawn up, to your advantage. It says she DENIED you acess to your son, after she didn't want him anyways. See the picture now?? You will have to make her out to be the bad guy ( girl) here and use it to your advantage. Hold nothing back in this, the courts will need to know EVERYTHING about her and why she kept your boy from u. She will need to answer for that, and if her answers are not to the judge's liking, you will get more access to your son. whatever happens I wish you well.

Answer 6

Hello,,write a letter to the child stating you are the father and have tried to see him/her since birth but was not allowed. You still desire to be part of the childs life and wish to visit someday soon. The child may be able to comprehend the situation and react to it favorable, but the letter should be copied and sent certified to note the delivery and receipt by the intended person. See your lawyer for advice on this remedy. Good Luck, it is heartbreaking to think if I had not seen my children for that long i would be in prison for sure.

Answer 7

as an physcolist an former social worker i advise you to take it to court.attorney sounds good but u must have spare bedroom for child an adeqate living arrangements. let the child do the asking you answer and in no way as much as you may like do not speak to the child saying bad things of the mother and some advice go to parenting classes get involed so the judge may see your determination

Answer 8

well look i not gonna white wash it sorry you already no what you gotta do really .why has she been like this with you you say she wanted to get married but i think it might go deeper than that theres no point asking what you should say its simple just say your sorry and try to fix it but what ever you do do not say it was the mums fault even if it is shes the one thats brought him up i no it sounds like im being horrible but im not im just being real.take care and good luck

Answer 9

BE A GOOD LISTENER.. :) Let him talk, let him tell you how upset he is with you, angry, whatever, and you have to sit there and take it. Sorry, but he needs to vent. Let him direct where your conversation and relationship goes, and GIVE IT TIME.

No abuse from me, I admire you for trying again. Just be patient and loving, eventually he'll see it and it will go from there. (NO anger, NO frustration, keep it to yourself.) I know that will be hard, but you have to do it.

Answer 10

I haven't seen one of mine for 38 years, now, what was the problem?

Actually if you could get a DNA test, it may make a difference, well it would in Australia anyhow.