Feline Fiasco! Help Me Please!?

Question

Do you have any tips on how to get my male 1 1/2 year old accept another male cat? They are both fixed. Please help me...Any tips greatly appreciated. I have tried to slowly meet and greet them over the period of a few weeks and that just isn't going so well.

The older male is approximated by the vet to be 5-7 years old and he is a Maine Coon. He is very laid back. My 1 1/2 year old acts like he has ADD and is a psycho! He is just a domestic short hair.

The 1 1/2 year old smells the maine coon and then tries to bite him...the maine coon gets afraid and tries to hide...I try my hardest to get them acquainted...but it just isn't working...My 1 1/2 year old is just too mean.

Answer 1

The issue here is not the personalities of the two cats. What is absolutely not clear from everything you've said is -- which cat is the established cat and which cat is the new cat. Because it sounds like the younger cat is your established cat.

Look, when a cat lives with you solo, he considers you his personal person and your home his territory. That territory thing is very, very important to a cat, and it is more important to a male cat than a female cat, generally speaking.

If your 1-1/2-year-old cat was your established cat, all he is doing is defending his territory from an intruder, an interloper. And by running, your Maine Coon is acknowledging the other cat's dominance. But that's not enough for the DSH, who wants the Maine Coon out of his territory.

All of this is compounded by the fact that you are trying to encourage a relationship between the two -- because you see, your established cat considers you his. And when you make nice with the Maine Coon in the presence of your DSH, you just make things worse. You are, after all, HIS person, and that damned Maine Coon is trying to take you away from him. So he attacks the Maine Coon.

In a similar situation, my cat was always wise enough to figure out who had caused the trouble. He would get mad at me for bringing a stranger home. But that is neither here nor there.

If indeed the DSH is your established cat, and the Maine Coon is a newcomer, you are the one who (very innocently) has created this problem by injecting yourself into the equation. Cat relationships do not grow the way people relationships do, and you were trying to foster a nice person-to-person relationship between two cats. Wrong.

The best thing that you could do at this point is get the Maine Coon out of the house for 4 -5 days. Let a friend take him home or even board him at the vet. But get him out of the house. Then spend some time with your threatened DSH. See things from his perspective. You are his everything. Your home is his only territory. He honestly thought you were taking everything away from him and giving it to this big, hairy clown.

So reassure him. Love him up. Let him know that everything is just fine. Play with him. Give him treats. Butter him up. And in 4 - 5 days, have a friend bring the Maine Coon back into the house in a carrier.

YOU STAY OUT OF THIS! Just watch. Your friend will walk in the front door with the carrier with the Maine Coon. She will set the carrier down, closed, in the middle of the living room, where you (who have ignored the carrier completely) will greet your friend and the two of you will withdraw to another room where you can watch, but ignore, and have a cup of coffee. There will be sounds. There will be sniffing. Let a good hour pass. The two of them should just sit and stare at each other. This is equilibrium. Let it be. Have another cup of coffee.

When both of the cats are comfortable and are staring at each other but doing nothing else, let YOUR FRIEND get up and walk through the living room, past the carrier (maybe to go to the bathroom or to go outside to check her car), and when she passes the carrier, let her just unlatch the carrier door. DO NOT open it. Just unlatch it.

You ignore them. Do not get involved. Sit and pretend not to watch. Chat, laugh, drink coffee, tea, wine -- eat dinner, pop in a movie. But ignore the cats.

Once the latch is loosened, your established male may sit for a while, then go over to the carrier to sniff. He may threaten the Maine Coon and tell him to stay in the carrier. He may sit back and let the Maine Coon come out. The two of them are building their relationship. Your DSH is the dominant, and he definitely wants the Maine Coon to know that the MC is a nothing in comparison to him. If the Maine Coon used to run from the DSH, this arrangement is fine with him. Let him communicate that to your angry little dominant male.

These are cats, not people, and neither of them is applying for a job with the diplomatic service. Don't impress your values on what you are seeing, and keep yourself out of the equation. There may be hisses, growls, little wails -- all okay. But if your DSH attacks, have your friend grab the water pistol or spray bottle and give him a squirt. Violence is unacceptable.

The goal of this -- and it will take an entire afternoon and into the evening -- but the goal of it is that your DSH will discover this nice, compliant MC who knows his place, in a strange-smelling (a good thing) carrier, brought in by a stranger (a good thing) in the middle of his (the DSH's) territory. And your established cat will bring the newcomer to you to meet you -- the exact reverse of what you have been doing.

And it works. It always works. But because these cats now have a negative history, it may work slowly and not in a day. If the MC has not emerged from the carrier after 4 - 6 hours without being actually attacked or driven back in by your DSH, your friend should go over the the carrier, and carry the poor little cowering MC into a separate room. Open the carrier, let him out, close the room door, and keep the MC in there for a week or so, while the two of them sniff at each other under the door of the room. After a week, have your friend come back over and just open the room door. Then you watch.

There may be hissing and fussing, but the two will make peace. Treat the dominant like the dominant -- your favorite, the first to be fed, etc., until his insecurity passes. Any aggression gets sprayed.

This will work. Your little established cat is very threatened and insecure because of the way you -- in complete innocence -- handled this. That really is your problem. But it will be all right.

Answer 2

Introducing 2 adult kitties is a challenge!

What I have done when introducing any new kitty, especially an older one, is to be sure to give the 'oldies' in the home as much..or more..attention than the newcomer. I have always talked to my cats, greet them when I come in from work, of course I have to, they are all waiting at the door, or as I work around the house when I am at home. So as I go along talking I try to pay attention to the older resident cats first, give a head scratch, etc. Then turn my attention to the newcomer and play with them but not quite as long as the older kitty during this intro period.

I haven't introduced a new kitty to the household in almost 8 years, and there are still times with there is a scuffle between kitties when everyone is trying to snuggle with me! I just tell them to quit the hissing and give everyone a good scratch under the chin. Works with mine!

Since the time has only been a few weeks with yours, they are still battling for your attention. If the Maine Coon came to you as a stray and you gave him a lot of attention getting him used to being a pampered kitty, the DSH kitty will be a little jealous of the attention..his attention..being spent on someone else. Yes, our little furbabies can have a little of the green-eyed monster in them, too!

When the Maine Coon comes from the vet this afternoon I know you will want to give him tons of loving. But if there is someone else in the household, see if they can help with the other kitty and both will be getting attention at this time. That way maybe neither, especially the DSH, will feel left out.

Someone mentioned Feliway. I have never used it, but I have used the Bach Flower Essenses. I got the Rescue Remedy when my oldest was ill with renal failure. It helped calm her and me, too. The combination of the essenses in the Rescue Remedy have a calming effect for animals that are frightened or in strange surroundings. I learned of this from the website of a cat rescue here in Virginia.

I got my Rescue Remedy at GNC for about $10. It is a liquid in a bottle. Put a couple of drops in their water as soon as you get it. Then if each kitty has their own bed, put a drop on a towel and put in each kitty's area (I am not sure if it will stain). I hope this will help, I haven't use the Remedy this way, but have read it works.

I hope the Maine Coon is feeling much better this afternoon and your other kitty will be happy to see him!

Purrs to you and kitties.

Answer 3

I use Feliway and it really works. I have a variety of indoor only cats and except for an occasional Fur-Flying they all get along well. I started using this about 3 years ago when I moved here after 15 years in the old place. I was also adding a new cat to the group at the same time. All of the cats hated it and I had every bad behavior you could think of, I started with that stuff and like I said, it really worked. It is $$ and you have to follow the directions to the "T" but it's worth it, in my opinion. Good luck!

Answer 4

Hi there...some cats take awhile longer to adjust to one another. Some people have noted to get the cats familiarly acquainted with one another's scent would to switch bedding the other has slept on.

Here's an article on how to introduce cats to one another: http://cats.about.com/cs/catmanagement101/a/introducecats.htm

Answer 5

They will have to fight. Let them, it is a way to establish their hierarchy. Interfere only if things are getting too harsh or dangerous. Feed them together, once they start eating together they may accept each other more. Be patient.