Is it possible to live with my dad forever?

Question

My mom passed away weeks ago and left my dad alone, I found him often staring at something for hours without move a muscle, or doesn't speak, he has a slow reaction since then.. I'm 24 soon to be 25, still in college getting Master degree, dad got a high pay job and pension, enough to support both of us, and he said he wishes me living with him till he dies...he doesn't want anyone else.

I want to, I haven't got job yet, dad could take care of me and I can take care of him too, but I don't know if I can stay with him till death. ..If I get married someday, can I ask my future husband to live in my dad's house?.....What if I get a job, and too busy to take care of him?

I've never separated from my parents in my 25 years life, so it's hard for me to move out too

Answer 1

I'm so to hear of your loss.

I think right now what your father and maybe even yourself feel is quite natural. I imagine your father lost his life partner. I think perhaps at this point he is hanging on to the rest of his world which is you. I presume you are the only child?

Of course you can live with your father forever. I know a man who has lived with his mother his entire life. He is in his 60's now. He was never married.

The thing is, in time you both may feel different. Your dad may find a way to move on and start something new. I doubt he'd ever try to replace your mother, but he might be able to find more happiness aside from her. Right now he stares into space remembering, remisnissing, and looking at his life now and how sad it is without her. Time will lesson the pain and then he might find a way to move on and add other things into his life.

Surely you will find someone you want to settle down with. When you do if you still want to live with your father I don't see why not. Its done all the time.

If you find the right man that loves you and can accept others into his home, you won't have a problem if they get along as well. Some men won't like the idea. If that occurs you can always try to live close to your father and visit regularly.

A job can busy a person. Having one and caring for others can be alot too. If you are an energetic go getter type of person I think you can handle it all. If not there may be a slight struggle. At which point maybe you can hire in someone part time to help a bit.

Keep in mind what you and your father want right now may nto stay the same later once enough time has passed to make it easier to handle the loss. It can take a short time or a very long one. We all have different relationships and different depths of emotons and the way we handle it all to is very different. All of that will play a factor in it and only time will tell where it all settles down to.

For now you are single and don't yet have a job. So enjoy your time with your father and grieve together and help each other through this. If when the time comes and things change, you sound close enough to be able to work out and handle about anything that comes your way. If you one day find a man who can also join the group, wonderful. If not then I think you and your father will be ok in working that out. You sound close. When we are we have an extra ability to accomindate both sets of needs. I can see you doing that should it arrise.

Take one day at a time and just enjoy life. You have enough stress already on your plate with the loss of your mother and your fathers handling it as well as yourself. Worry about whats at hand right now and later when the rest makes its way into your life, you will be strong and able to welcome it in too which ever way needed.

Good luck, And God Bless!

PS. You don't have to move out and seperate. Whatever works best for the both of you is whats right. If you both happy that isn't wrong. Its wonderful your so close with your parents. What ever you decide later will be ok too. Nothing is written in stone. Each day changes something. By the end of a year we are slightly different people. We grow. So change is also ok. You will know whats needed as it comes.

Answer 2

Well my mom also died back in 1990 and I was about 17, I am now 35. I thought I would have been out of this house already but I'm still here. Then again in your case you don't necessarily have to live in the same house forever. You can get married an live close by with your husband and visit often. The husband might not like the idea of staying in your dad's house and starting a family. So obviously the choice is yours.

Answer 3

Why move out. At this time in your Dads life he needs you. So be there for him thru this difficult time. The both of you need to lean on each other. It is hard for a husband/wife to lose his/her partner. It seems like there is no reason to go on. Your Dad has always been there for you so be there for him. And if it ends up that you get married and move out you can always hire someone to come in and take care of him... Or his insurance could pay for home care. Think about.

Answer 4

Your father is probably overwhelmed with grief and is not thinking logically at this point. When he is back on track (could be a while unfortunately) he will see that it is unfair to ask you to sacrifice your young life to ease his old age. I know you would do it, but he should not ask you to do this and you will both regret it. This is the time however to give him as much support love and company as you can spare while still keeping your ambitions and hopes and dreams alive. I hope that you will both seek grief counselling and air this matter together with a third party who will be better able to guide you to a solid relationship not based on dependence. I am truly sorry for your loss. m

Answer 5

Sweetheart,

Death brings sorrow and grief beyond measure. Your dad will be OK. My husband passed away 5 years ago and it has been hard, but I remarried a year and a half ago.

Right now you and your dad are in shock and you want to cling onto each other and right now that is fine.....You all need each other......give yourself time and at the end of the year(anniversary date of her death) you will have clarity. Wait for Now.

Answer 6

Stay with Dad 1 year. You will be surprised at how much difference there is in his life. He and you are going through the horrendous process of grieving and even the experts say, make no decisions for 1 year.

Answer 7

Sorry to hear about your mother but, dont promise him that you will stay with him until he dies. You will feel trapped and if you do want to leave someday, you will feel guilty doing it. He is just very lonely and is turning to you to fill that gap he feels in his life.
After a little time, encourage him to get out and meet people. Volenteer to work at a charity, community event or at church. You can be supportive but you have your own life.

Answer 8

I am sorry for your loss. I agree with the other answers. Give him a year or so to get settled and come to terms with his loss. If after that time he still feels the need to have you living with him, I'd see no problem with that... or allowing him to live with you if you decide to get married down the road... best wishes

Answer 9

You're dad sounds like hes still very much in mourning, he hasn't adjusted to life without his partner, hes probably feeling that hes alone now without your mom, my advice would be for you to not pay much attention to his ideas about you moving in. It would be wrong for him (later) to expect you to sacrifice your independence for him, you and your dad need to be there for each other, especially now as it has only been weeks, its never easy loosing someone, but give it time and I'm sure that with your help your dad will adjust to living alone.

You don't have to live with someone to be there for them.

Answer 10

i feel sorry for u..well, i think your dad need somebody to live with...he might feel lonely..mybe he still in shock that your mother passed away..u must strong and patient because u still have your dad to u take care..if you want to get married..u can bring your husband and live with your father..just dont live him alone...who will take care of your dad except u..if u busy to take care of him u can take someone to take care of your father while u go working...i hope that might help u...=)