I Have A Serious Question About Fostering A Child That Needs A Reply ASAP!?

Question

Alright, I work at an after school care at a primary school & one of the girls there is 10 years old & her life is HELL.
She's been in & out of foster families for years now & as I am only 16 years old I cannot do a thing about it... but when I turn 18 is it possible for me to take her in? Is there any conflict of interest things stopping me? How do I go about it?
She leaves the school at the end of next year & I need to know how to find her when I'm 18 as I can't mention my idea to anyone yet but it's something I feel very very strongly about.
Please let me know if you need any further details but I do need help!
I can't stand to let this happen to her... she just doesn't show how she's really feeling, she'll grin & bear it no matter what!

I know how to deal with trauma & I feel great empathy towards the poor little darling because I too have been to hell & back.. though not quite to the extremes that she has been to...

I have asked my mum about it & she said that it would be unlikely that we could take her in because there is a huge court battle between mum & dad & a restraining order against my father so all the little things that they wouldn't want her to have to go through...

I would do everything in my power to give her a home, a bed, food on the table, a shoulder to cry on, send her to school.... I would get a full time job right now & leave school (year 10 at the moment) if it meant I could take her in...


I live in Australia by the way.

Answer 1

Hi Watermelon,

Thank you so much for caring about this little girl. You are to be commended for that. It's hearbreaking that children have to suffer like she does. It's good that you can be in her life and offer friendship and mentorship. Believe me, you will have a positive effect on her life. No acts of kindness are ever wasted!

As for your question, it's more complex than just being 18 years old to be a foster parent. In fact, you would have to be older than that, have passed a home study, and taken courses on fostering children, among other requirements. This is not to discourage you from doing this work later on, just to prepare you for the idea that at 18, it's certain you would not be considered a qualified home all by yourself yet.

Do your parents have any interest in fostering? How about any of your other relatives? Even if they cannot, maybe you can still get together with her sometimes.

You can leave her your name, phone number, address, & email for her to take with her when she leaves your school. Unfortunately, they will most likely not tell you where she is going so it will be up to her to contact you. Hopefully, her new parents will encourage the relationship the two of you have.

In the meantime, you can continue to do work such as big sister programs so you can interact with kids who could use that. It's very rewarding.

I hope that helps answer your question. Wish you could take her in your home too! Someday you are going to make a great foster mom!

julie j
reunited adoptee
(& former foster child)

Answer 2

I'm a foster parent in Australia also. I've also worked in Daycares and such in the past with foster children, and I know how heartbreaking it can be to see how hurt and sometimes damaged these children are.

Firstly, it would be highly unusual to be approved as a foster parent at 18 years of age, regardless of how dedicated and qualified you might be. They do consider applicants on an individual basis, for sure, but I still feel 18 would be too young.

Secondly, consider how much you can help this girl in the position you're in now. As an OSC teacher, those kids will really look up to you, you can be a great listening post and counsellor for her, and encourage her to open up and talk about how she's feeling, as well as providing her with a great female role model in her life.

There just isn't the room on here to go into all the fostering details, but please feel free to email me through my profile page if there's anything at all you want to know about foster care. I'd be happy to tell you as much as I can about the process, just let me know what you want to know.
I've also had a lot of professional experience working with children who've suffered trauma, so please let me know if you'd like any advice on helping this young girl at your work.
Poor little thing, my heart just goes out to her.

Please email me if you want to know more, fostering is a great thing to look into for the future!

Answer 3

You didn't say where you live. If you live in the US you can contact the foster care programs in your state. Go into your states web site and find any links that pertain to foster care, child care, etc. and ask someone there.

When I was in my early 20's, before I started to have children. I wanted to be a foster mom. I went to the state and filed the required paper work. I did qualify to be a foster mom, but my husband backed out at the last minute. I always wanted to foster a child. I wish you much luck in your wanting to foster this little girl. I really hope it works out for you.

Answer 4

You seriously need to get in contact with social services, and people in charge of the foster care that your children have been at. Report to both the things that you have noticed. The wetting pants and wetting the bed problems can be from stress or also because the children are not allowed regular potty times or access. Whatever you do, get your children away from these foster people as soon as you possibly can!

Answer 5

I think it's admirable of you to want to do all you can for this child. It is very difficult to watch another person suffer and feel helpless. Having worked as a part of the child welfare services in the US I can tell you a little about what they will look for when it comes to fostering. Here it would be unlikely that you would even be considered even at 18 to do fostering. This has very little to do with your ability to care or handle the trauma this child has been through and more about your actual age. Again it's admirable that you would be willing to quit school just to do this but fostering agencies are going to be looking for individuals who show maturity and responsibility. Don't get me wrong, wanting to do the right thing for this child does show responsibility but giving up on your education to do so is does not in their eyes. They want people who have been on their own, financially can support a child and have established themselves in the working world for a period of time. In most cases an agency wouldn't even consider someone under their mid 20's unless it were special circumstances such a younger sibling. If you feel strongly about helping children in this way I would encourage you to focus on that rather than this one child. I know that's not what you want to hear but if you are going to show maturity and that you are ready for this kind of responsibility you have to know the truth and be able to cope with it. The first thing you need to do is go to school. Get an education that will give you skills to get a good job so you could support yourself and provide home that is financially stable. Just quitting and working isn't enough and it wouldn't provide the stability that fostering agencies look for. Here when we license a home you have to jump through a lot of hoops to be licensed. Here's some of the things you can expect: They will look at your financial records, see that you have both health and life insurance, clean home environment, get fingerprinted/background checked, do interviews with you and possibly others close to you and go through training. This all happens before you even become licensed and could even be considered for placement with a child. So the reality is if you want to really foster then take care of yourself first so that you can show you are ready for all that comes with raising children. I wish there was more you could do right now but maybe the best thing for this particular child is just to be her friend. Give her your address and phone number. Write to her, talk to her on the phone and give her the emotional support she needs. Believe me this can make all the world of difference in her life right now and in the future even if you aren't able to foster.

Answer 6

You will need to get licensed first. I commend you on even thinking about doing this. It takes a special person to want to step up to the plate for another. You may be able to find her if she is placed in and out of foster homes. But if not then you can always help another young child to have a chance at life. Best Wishes...

Answer 7

thats so sad. so painful to read. That would be a huge responsibility for an 18 year old. Are you equipped to handle such trauma in such a small girl? What about your parents? Are they willing to give her a home? can you talk to them about it? do you know anything about trauma, attachment results from loss of ... everything? What can you offer her? A home is definately a great start, and I'm not asking you these questions to be rude, i'm only asking to see if you can get the "big" picture of how much responsibility that is. How sad that this poor girl has nobody to count on. I say definately step up and be a big sister to her. Someone she can call whenever she needs to, someone she can always trust, someone she can always talk to , someone who is always there for her. If you can do that, you'll be one of the greatest things to ever happen to her. Ask whoever you live with if they'd be able to open a door to her, and then be her best friend, be her shoulder, and you'll do more than words can say.

good for you for having a heart and seeing through her fake smiles. good for you for caring.

Answer 8

Watermelon,
You have a huge heart, but it's unlikely you could afford to take her in at 18. Call the social work department that arranges foster care for children, they can tell you what rules and laws govern foster children in your area, and what you need to do to meet them.

Answer 9

Well just talk to the foster parents she's with now keep contact or see if you can find a loving family near by to take her in.

Answer 10

its a wonderful idea and you will one day make a very good foster parent. But some, if not all say you must be 21. and some say you must be at least 15 years older than child you take in. Perhaps your parents would be interested. Or how about being her "big sister" or mentor. Contact social services about her. chances are they won't give you much information but they might let you spend time with her. That might help her out alot.